OKAY, SO YOU’RE FORCED AGAINST YOUR WILL TO BE UNDER AN
UNBEARABLY HOT, SQUEAKY, AND SWINGING INTERROGATION LAMP, YOU’RE DUCT TAPED,
HANDS AND ALL, TO A VERY CHEAP AND UNCOMFORTABLE CHAIR THAT, ALONG WITH A BUNCH
OF RUSTY SCREWS THAT ARE CUTTING INTO YOUR SKIN, HAS ONE ALMOST-BROKEN LEG, WHICH
MAKES YOU SUPER-ANGRY BECAUSE IT UNEXPECTEDLY TILTS AT THE EXACT RIGHT TIME TO
MAKE THINGS GO WORSE, AND THERE ARE MANY LARGE AND ANGRY HORSEFLIES BUZZING
AROUND YOU AND LANDING AND WALKING ON YOUR FACE, LIKE THEY ARE JUST DARING YOU
TO TRY TO SWAT THEM AWAY, AND, YOU’RE SWEATING BULLETS LIKE THERE’S NO
TOMORROW—AND AT HIS RATE THERE MIGHT NOT BE ONE IN YOUR CARDS—AND YOUR
INTERROGATOR, A PENCIL-NECKED PIP SQUEEK OF A PERSON, WHO, IN HIGH SCHOOL, WAS
BULLIED BY 4TH GRADERS, AND WHO’S STILL NOTORIOUSLY SCARED OF HIS
OWN SHADOW, IS POPPING HIS GLOVES TO SCARE YOU MORE, AS HE PREPARES TO DO SOME
PAINFUL PROCEDURES, IF YOU DON’T GIVE UP YOUR SECRET FORMULA, when all of a
sudden, the handsome, wise, and muscular HSR knocks down the heavy door,
quickly vanquishes the enemies in a flash, and ceremoniously rescues you and
your “I’m going on a two month luxury cruise around both sides of South
America” smile, just in time for you to open up your ice cream stand and serve a
block-long line of kids!
“Enjoying music and big time thoughts that make us and the
world advance, indeed synergize a progress that we can stand up and clap, and
even dance to!”
If a bacterium was as big as a human, you can bet that it
would try to sneak up on us from behind and take us out…
…in a very “not pretty” way!...
…each and everyone of us!
That’s what they do…
…they live off of us!...
…and they really just love it when we put off cleaning the
teeth!...
They will try to hypnotize us into not taking care of our
teeth…so that they can stay alive, thrive, and infectacize!
That’s right…
They might try to jerk us around, and say stuff like:
YOU ALL WHO CALL YOURSELF MEN AND WOMEN, HUMANETH IN FORM, MOVEMENT, AND THOUGHT:
YOU ARE OFFICIALLY HERETOFORE PUT ON CONSRUCTIVE AND
DELIBERATIVE NOTICE:
THAT ALL BACTERIA AND THE OTHER BROTHERLY MICROBES OF THE
TOTAL ORAL MICROBIOME HAVE SIGNED, SEALED, AND DELIVERED AN EARTHLY PACT—DULY
RATIFIED AND CODIFIED INTO OUR LAWS GOVERNING THE BEHAVIOR OF ALL MICROSCOPIC
LIFE, BOTH UNICELLULAR, MULTICELLUAR, OR EVEN PRIONIC, OR SPOROCIFIC IN NATURE,
AND WE SHALL ATTACK WHERE THE RUBBER MEETS THE ROAD…
…ON THE ATOMIC AND MOLECULAR LEVEL WHERE WE GENERATE OUR
DESTRUCTIVE DEGRADATION,
BY EACH MEMBER OF OUR
CEASELESSLY AND INCESSANTLY GROWING NUMBERS,
AND WE WILL CONTINUE TO SEE
WHETHER OR NOT :
-YOU TRY TO EMASCUATE AND REDUCE OUR NUMBERS AND THE
SEVERITY OF OUR EFFECTS…
SO, RIGHT NOW, PUT DOWN THE FLOSS…
THAT’S RIGHT…EASY NOW…
…AND STEP AWAY FROM THAT TOOTHBRUSH…
DO IT NOW…
AND NO ONE GETS HURT!
...THATS GOOD...
These bacteria are literally saying and pushing that in our faces in a daily basis!
They are like thugs prowling the oral streets and surfaces of
the mouth, be it the between-teeth embrasures, gingival sulcuses, and
especially within the infinite cracks, grooves, and crevasses of the dorsum of
the tongue!
So, brothers and sisters…
…get used to the fact that dental plaque and biofilm are
here to stay with you…for the rest of your natural life!
Yes, it’s an eternal fight, but don’t let plaque win and cover
your teeth and mouth…
…and grow to the point that it starts looking like some…slimy,
mossy, yucky stuff!
Noooooo!...Save ‘um!...Pleeease!
May you have many… just do as I say, and nobody gets hurt,
but don’t worry, the advice is not bad for you or your health!…I highly
recommend eating a totally peeled, large ripe mango with your bare hands—so
what if the juices run down your arms all the way to the elbows!...the inherent
DNA boss within the cells of trees commands them all to reach out and grow from
tiny twigs to as muscularly tall, wide, strong, and sun-rays-catching living
monoliths as plantly possible, for the sake of the future of the forest and the
phylum!...smiles!
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