This 4th Of July, We Thank The Rumored Dentist Who Made The “Handsome, Alpha Male’” Dentures For George Washington To Look Great While Winning The War!

THE THREE-AND -A-HALF YEAR-OLD HSR IS PLAYING IN HIS GRANDPA'S LARGE BACKYARD AND HE SEES AN OLD RUSTY CAR, AND SHOUTS TO HIS GRANDPA, "HEY, GRANDPA! CAN I GO DRIVING IN YOUR CAR?," AND GRANDPA SAYS, "YOU MEAN THE CONVERTIBLE CORVETTE IN THE FRONT?," AND HSR RESPONDS, "NO, GRANDPA, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BROWN RACE CAR BACK HERE!"...

AND GRANDA LAUGHS, BECAUSE THAT CAR DOESN'T RUN, BUT HE SAYS BACK TO HSR IN JEST, "GO RIGHT AHEAD AND SIT IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE ENGINE NOISE YOURSELF AS YOU TURN THE WHEEL AND SHIFT THE GEARS TO GO DREAMY FAST!" 

SO, NOW, HSR SALIVATES THAT HE HAS BEEN GIVEN THE GREEN LIGHT TO GO AHEAD AND OPEN THE DOOR AND GET COMFY IN THE OLD CAR SEAT...

WHICH, NO DOUBT,  HAS URGENT AND EYE-WIDENING STORIES TO TELL!...

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...START YOUR ENGINES!" IS THE FIRST THOUGHT IN HSR'S MIND AS HE IMAGINATIVELY STRAPS HIMSELF IN AND STARTS THE CAR ENGINE LOUDLY!:

RRRRR! RRRRR!...SCREEEECH!...ZOOOOM...RRRRR!...AND OFF HE GOES!

NOW THAT HE IS CAUGHT UP IN THE RACE...

HE WORKS THE STICK SHIFT JUST LIKE HIS GRANDPA DOES IN HIS CORVETTE!...

AND HE SHOUTS OUT OF THE WINDOW, "OUTTA MY WAY, GUYS!... 

I'M PASSING YOU BY!...RRRUUUUHHMMM!

NOW,  I'M GOING REAL FAST, BUT I HAVE TO  KEEP DODGING THE BIG ROCKS...

AND DEEP HOLES...WAIT!...I'MA PULL OVER A BIT TO GET SOME WATER!...AND GAS!..

PEOPLE JUST DON'T BELIEVE HSR WHEN HE TELLS THEM THAT THERE IS A SERCET SUPERCAR HIDDEN IN "OLD TROGEE!"

BUT THAT'S OKAY, THEY'LL FIND OUT WHEN THEY EAT MY DUST!...

JUST THEN, HIS GRANDMA SAYS THAT THE PIES IN THE WINDOW SILL HAVE COOLED, 

AND ARE NOW READY TO EAT, ALONG WITH OTHER FOOD!

SO, HSR SLAMS ON THE BREAKS AND POWERS DOWN, THEN UNBUCKLES THE SEAT BELT, AND OPENS, THEN SHUTS, THE CAR'S CREAKY AND CROOKED, UNCLOSING DOOR...THEN GETS ON HIS TRIKE AND BURNS RUBBER, OR RATHER GRASS AND CONCRETE TO MAKE IT BACK TO THE HOUSE...

BUT, YOU KNOW THAT ALL THE WHILE, HE'S THINKING ABOUT THE NEXT MAGICAL DREAM CAR EXPERIENCE THAT'S WAITING FOR HIM...AND HE JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK TO IT!..BUT THAT'LL BE RIGHT AFTER HSR CLIMBS SOME BIG TREES... AND...STUFF...

...WITH HIS BUDDIES!…oh wow!…isn’t that a sweet story for this Summery part of the year, and your “please let me know why a lot of us have a fascination with things that go “boom,” whether they be bright and colorful fireworks, or big bombs, and the like—is it because we have a deep-seated and subconscious unfulfilled desire to repeatedly relive the jarring shock of the foundational Big Bang?” smile, just wants me to spray you down on the front lawn with some cool water out of the water hose on this hot day!

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"Will you ever reinhale the same exact oxygen molecules in your life?"

Boy, it is snowing ever so heavily...

And the temperatures are well below freezing...and falling!

But the enemy Redcoats keep coming!...

..and we have to keep fighting them!

General George Washington, is crossing the Delaware River...

...to gain a strategic advantage!...

And he must keep the morale of his soldiers up...

But there is one major problem...

General Washington has painful and needy teeth...but he doesn't let his men know...

He isn't going to let a little ol' toothache make him lose his country...come on now!

There is a rumor going around in Revolutionary War Historical circles that only two people knew of the General’s immediate jaw problems!...

...A Sergeant Saint Mayberry, and a compatriot and fellow soldier, black soldier Alowishus  "Cheeky" Booker, knew that if they wanted to convincingly win the War, their fellow soldiers had to continue holding the General up as a strong model and leader...

...and not as a man suffering from a demoralizing and lacking mouth.

So, Soldier Alowishus Booker, a local "good-with-his-hands" beginning dental apprentice, who artfully knows that a square jaw always goes well with handsome teeth, noticed, with a quick and discerning anatomical and diagnostic eye, that Sargent Mayberry and General Washington have similarly-situated and arranged mouths. 

Cheeky Booker immediately, then, with his artistic blades, and collection of teeth, proceeds to make a set of carved-out "powerful message" hippopotemus-bone dentures for General Washington, using Sargent Saint Mayberry's mouth as a guide, and Cheeky hopes that they would fit close enough, and give our exalted leader a prideful, engendering, and victory-promising smile...

...thus allowing the General to "smile with strength and vigor, good vibes and good looks"...

...to add the needed motivational, emotional, and psychological muscle to excite and incite his men as they plan their advance with other allies...

...and as they fight and earn spirited and surprising victory after victory in the unforgiving elements, to win the War!

So, after all of this unscripted bravery and courage, we thank you President and General George Washington and your valuable support soldiers for all of your contributions in the founding and saving of our country in its early infancy!

Happy 4th in your spirit, Sir! (with a salute!)

Job excellently done!

May you have many...if only we knew all of the sacrifices that were done for us, we would be constantly thanking our lucky stars!...remember the fallen who fell, so that we may stand today!...go ahead--do your thing--and act like you mean it!... smiles!