Doctor Hollywood Smiles Report Gets A Gig Replacing Mirrors In A...Haunted Mansion!

 

So...ON BREAK FROM HIS 

SECOND YEAR OF DENTAL SCHOOL,

DR. REPORT GETS SOME LAST R.E.M.

SLEEP, DREAMING ABOUT

DONUTS!

...YES!

...EVER SINCE HE WAS A KID, 

AND SEEING DONUTS BEING MADE

HE HAS BEEN A BIG FAN

AND 

A BIG DEVOURER OF THEM!

SO, HE JUMPS OUT OF BED AND

GETS READY

AND RUNS TO THE

SHOP FOR SOME OF THEM...

AND ON HIS WAY,

HE SEES A PRETTY LADY...WHAT?

AND HE'S IN SUCH A HURRY THAT HE 

OF COURSE,

BURNS SOME

DOUGHNUTS!..

AND ON HIS WAY IN THE SHOP 

HE SEES SOME PATRONS JUST

HAVING A GOOD TIME

SATISFYING THEIR SUGAR CRAVINGS!

SO, HE BUYS SOME...

...BUT...

THEY DISAPPEAR...

RIGHT BEFORE HIS VERY EYES...AND

HIS VERY MOUTH!

OH, WELL,

...

NOW,

THE DENTIST HAS TO GO TO WORK!...

BUT AN OLDER LADY 

STOPS HIM ON HIS WAY TO HIS TRUCK AND SHE SAYS,

"YOUNG MAN, I DON'T KNOW YOU, 

BUT,

 I HAVE A FEELING THAT YOU ARE GOING TO NEED THIS!"...

AND SHE GIVES HIM A STRANGE RING!

AND SHE CONTINUES, 

"PLEASE USE IT IF YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY!...

IT WILL PROTECT YOU!"

AND THEN SHE WALKS AWAY...

SO, THE DR. LOOKS AT THE RING

AND THEN HE LOOKS UP...TO THANK THE LADY...BUT...

SHE'S GONE!...

DISAPPEARED!...WHOA!

"WELL, I'LL SEE IF I NEED IT TODAY!" HE SAYS TO HIMSELF, AND,

"MAYBE SHE KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT ME THAT

I DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT MYSELF!...

I'M ALSO GLAD THAT I HAVE 

THIS!"

SO, HE CONTINUES ON TO WORK

AND THIS TIME

HE HAS A JOB AS A 

MIRROR REPLACEMENT 

TECHNICIAN...

HE HELPS PEOPLE WHO

BROKE 

A MIRROR

OR,

 IF THEY JUST WANT A REPLACEMENT GLASS.

SO, HIS FIRST JOB IS TO REPORT TO 

A CASTLE!...

...ON THE FAR SIDE OF TOWN... WHERE...

HE'S NEVER BEEN BEFORE!

AND HE MAKES

IT ON OVER, 

AND HE FINALLY GETS THERE...WHOA!

BUT THEN,

ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, WITHIN SECONDS!...

...AS IF ON CUE!...

...IT GOES FROM HAPPY AND

SUNNY, TO...

AN

EERY DARKNESS!

SO, HE GETS OUT THE TRUCK WITH SOME NEW MIRRORS

AND WALKS

A GUSTY AND UNWELCOMING PATH UP TO THE

FRONT AREA

AND...HERE'S THE FRONT DOOR

...SHUCKS!... IT OPENS...

BY ITSELF!...

SO, THE DENTIST, 

WITH WIDE EYES, 

WALKS IN

...SLOWLY AND GINGERLY...

"HELLO, SIR!...

SAYS THIS LADY...

WHO COMES FROM NOWHERE...

MAKING HIM ALMOST JUMP OUT OF HIS SKIN!...

"UH...HELLO THERE, MAM!...

AND YOU ARE?" HE ASKS...

"MY NAME IS NOCOLI, NOCOLI GREYCASTLE...

AND THIS IS MY SISTER, 

DARKNIA!

AND, SIR, WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" 

"MY NAME IS JUST PLAIN OLD "H"," HE SAYS...

"AND WHAT DOES THE "H" STAND FOR?" NOCOLI ASKS,

"IT DOESN'T STAND FOR "HAUNTED"," SAY HSR,

MAKING THE TWO SISTERS LAUGH LIKE...

THEY'RE HALLOWEEN CRAZY!...

"I LIKE YOU, H...YOU HAVE A STRONG CHIN...AND A NICE...

NECK!...

MAYBE YOU CAN STAY AFTER A WHILE!" NOCOLI SAYS AS SHE

WINKS AT HIM... 

BUT THE SLIGHTLY SHAKING DR. SAYS BACK, 

"THANKS FOR THE INVITE, BUT,

I HAVE OTHER CALLS...HOW MANY MIRRORS NEED FIXIN'?"

"I'M NOT SURE...BUT LET'S GO TO OUR FIRST ONE...

RIGHT THROUGH THIS 

DOOR," NOCOLI SAYS...

AND SHE WAVES HER HAND, AND A COUPLE OF DOORS 

MYSTERIOUSLY OPEN!...

THEN, THEY GO INTO THE FIRST ROOM

AND TURN LEFT AND GO INTO ANOTHER ROOM

AND ON THE LEFT WALL, THEY SEE THIS

"THAT ONE LOOKS FINE TO ME," HE SAYS...

THEN DARKNIA SAYS, "STEP A LITTLE CLOSER TO IT, PLEASE!"

SO, HE STEPS A LITTLE CLOSER, AND SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE ON THE 

OTHER SIDE!...

"WOW!" HE EXCLAIMS, "EITHER THAT'S A LOT OF DUST MOVING OR,"

"SOMETHING'S ON THE OTHER SIDE!" CONTINUES NOCOLI!

THEN WITHOUT WARNING...THE MIRROR

JUST BREAKS BY ITSELF!"

AND THE DENTIST JUMPS BACK, 

BUT, TRYING TO STAY COOL, HE SAYS,

"I HAVE A MIRROR RIGHT HERE FOR IT!

SO HE TURNS AROUND AND BENDS DOWN TO GET ANOTHER MIRROR,

AND, WHILE HE DOES THAT,

HE DOESN'T SEE IT, BUT, THIS APPEARS

AND IT SAYS, "DARKNIA...HE'S BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE!"

THEN IT DISAPPEARS!...

AND HSR TURNS BACK AROUND WITH THE NEW MIRROR, BUT ASKS,

"DID YOU SAY IT'S BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE, 

BECAUSE I HOPE THIS ONE IS!"

NOW  DARKNIA SAYS, "I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"

SO HE LOOKS A LITTLE DISBELIEVING

AT BOTH OF THEM...

BUT...HE DECIDES TO MOVE ON...

"DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER MIRROR TO FIX," HE ASKS...

"BUT, OF COURSE," SAYS 

NOCOLI...

SO THEY WALK DOWN THIS HALLWAY

AND THEY PASS BY A DOOR

AND HE SAYS, "WHAT'S BEHIND THAT DOOR?"...

...AND...

 

DARKNIA SAYS, "I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO KNOW!"

AND HE SAYS, "MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT!"

SO, THEY WALK SOME MORE, AND HE SEES A WINDOW,

AND...

WHAT'S THAT!

"OMG!" THINKS HSR!

BUT THEY KEEP WALKING...

"WHO'S THAT?

SAYS THE DR., AS HE RUBS HIS CROSS IN HIS POCKET!

"OH, I DON'T KNOW...SHE JUST COMES AND GOES," SAYS NOCOLI...

AND THEN, THEY PASS A LOT OF THESE

AND THIS STRANGE "LIVING ART!"

NOW, THEY GO UP SOME

AND GET TO ANOTHER ROOM...

BUT THE LADIES DON'T GO IN!...

...

AND DARKNIA SAYS, "H"...WE ARE 

FORBIDDEN TO GO 

INTO THIS ROOM...

SO, YOU MUST GO IN THERE 

BY YOURSELF AND

DEAL WITH THE TWO MIRRORS!...

WE'LL PAY YOU...A...A...A  MILLION DOLLARS...GO, NOW...

GO!"...

SO TE DENTIST, 

THINKING ABOUT 

PAYING FOR 

USC DENTAL SCHOOL ALL AT ONCE, 

LOOKS AND WALKS IN 

THE ROOM

SLOWLY 

AND SEES

THIS... AND HE FIXES THAT ONE 

UP THERE IN 

NO TIME FLAT!...

THEN,

 HE TURNS AROUND IN THE ROOM AND SEES,

"OH NO!...

SOME REAL GHOSTS!...

BUT THEY DON'T LOOK HIS WAY 

OR BOTHER HIM!...

AND HE REMEMBERS A FRIEND THAT MET A GHOST, BUT

STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT!...

SO, 

HE LOOKS AT ANOTHER WALL 

AND SEES

A LOT OF RESTLESSNESS!

"OH, THERE'S THE OTHER MIRROR!" HE SQUIMISHES...

SO, HE GOES UP CLOSE TO IT...

"HEY, THERE'S NO REFLECTION...

IT LOOKS LIKE AN...

EERY SPACE!"

BUT, HE MAKES THE MISTAKE OF 

TOUCHING THE APPARENT GLASS!...

...BIG MISTAKE!

NOW

HE SEES PEOPLE INSIDE THE MIRROR

LOOKING AT HIM

AND THEY SAY, "WELCOME!" AND

HSR IS NOW...

...SUCKED INTO THE MIRROR!

OH NO!...

"WHERE AM I GOING?!...

I'VE GOT DENTAL SCHOOL COMING UP!"

OMG!...PLEASE

STOP!...

WHAT THE...!

BUT, NOW... 

...IT'S TOTALLY BLACK

AS HE CLUTCHES HIS CROSS AND RING!

BUT NOW, HE STARTS TO HEAR SOME VOICES!...

AND PEOPLE...

YIKES!...HE LANDS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM!

"WHO ARE 

THESE GUYS!"

AND, NOT WANTING TO FIND OUT...

...HSR RUBS HIS CROSS AND,

WHOA!

HE TRANSPORTS AGAIN!...

NOW, HE GOES INTO AN UNKNOWN WORM HOLE!...

"AT LEAST I'M GONE FROM THERE...

BUT WHERE WILL I GO

NEXT?"

...

SO,

THIS GIG OF

CHANGING MIRRORS TO 

PAY FOR DENTAL SCHOOL

HAS HSR

'GOING THROUGH CHANGES'...

SPECIFICALLY...NOW...CHANGING DIMENSIONS

WITHIN THE MIRROR!

NOW,

HE ENDS UP IN A ROOM 

AND A 

...VARIABLE  

FORCE...

PROBABLY...THE 

'QUEEN OF  THIS QUEENDOM'...

STANDS BY A TABLE

AND SAYS,

"NOW THAT YOU ARE IN MY 

'DIMENSIONAL TEXTURE,'

I WANT YOU TO SEE

WHAT PEOPLE 

'DO' 

IN MY MIRRORS,

AND TELL ME IMMEDIATELY, 

IF YOU SEE ANYTHING 

THAT 

I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT!"

SO, OF THE MANY 

MIRRORS ON THE WALL, 

HE TAKES A LOOK

AND NOTICES

A WOMAN AND

HER MAKE UP

AND A GUY

DOING

FACIAL GYMNASTICS...

..PEEK-

...A-BOO!...

AND IN THIS MIRROR...

HSR IS FEELING,

..I THINK THAT THIS

LADY 

IS IN LOVE!"...

...PRACTICING 

IN THE MIRROR...

IS GOOD PRACTICE!

"OMGOSH!...

IT'S THIS

HANDSOME 

GUY!...

...I'M TELLING YOU...

...PULL ASIDE AND...

AND LET HIM PASS BY!"

"YES...

MIRRORS SEE THE

HAPPY AND 

THE SAD!...

...AND THE

BEAUTIFUL...

...AND...

GRACEFUL!

WHOOPS!

...ERROR!"...

THEN...OUT OF NOWHERE,

HSR 

LET'S OUT A LARGE

'HOMO CYBERGRAPHICUS' BURP!...

AND ALMOST IMMEDIATELY,

SOME PEOPLE LOOKING

INTO THEIR MIRRORS,

SENSE THAT 

SOMETHING...

IS GOING ON!

NOW, PEOPLE 

ALL OVER

SUSPECT SOMETHING'S WRONG...

AND THAT THEY MAYBE

ARE BEING SPIED ON!...

SO,

 

THIS GUY DOESN'T 

TRUST

HIS MIRROR

ANYMORE!...

AND MANY OTHER MIRRORS ARE

BEING SHATTERED!

"I DO NOT KNOW 

WHAT YOU ARE MADE OF, 

OR ARE DOING, 

BUT

YOU'RE 

MESSING THINGS UP AROUND HERE...

...GO NOW!...

...AT ONCE!"

AND...ONCE AGAIN, THE DR.

FINDS SAFETY IN

ESCAPING,

AS HE

RUBS HIS CROSS

AND  CHANGES

DIMENSIONS WITHIN

...THE MIRROR...

...AND...

..AFTER PASSING A 'PROVERBIAL PORTAL'...



...HE TRIES TO KEEP

SOME WORKING 

RUDIMENTARY 

COGNITION, 

IN HIS SUBCONSCIOUSNESS...

AND AFTER A BIT...

INSIDE,

HE FEELS THAT HIS

'CORPOREAL SELF'' 

IS

ABOUT TO

'REALIZE SOMETHING!"

...

SUDDENLY, HE APPEARS BACK IN THE ROOM,

NO WORSE FOR WEAR, AND HE 

HURRIEDLY FINISHES THE WORK, 

THEN OPENS THE DOOR TO QUICKLY LEAVE...

...BUT NICOLI IS STANDING  RIGHT OUTSIDE THE 

DOOR, AND SMILES, 

"I'M SURPRISED THAT YOU'RE STILL HERE...

...IF YOU DON'T MIND...I HAVE JUST ONE MORE

MIRROR FOR YOU...

THEN...YOU'LL GET YOUR 'BAG'...



...PLEASE FOLLOW ME TO THE BASEMENT"...