The Dental Dozens…Or…Your Mama’s Teeth So Big That…! Part 1.

Okay…So, while you are impatiently waiting for the meat and fish stew to boil, so you can heartily chow down in a fashion that would make “Hungry Man” proud, your “pass the butter and pass the peas, but not the pepper, or else I’ll sneeze” smile, WATCHES THE BIG SCREEN TV AND SEES THE HSR WALKING HOME ON A DARK STREET, AND WHEN HE PASSES BY A HUNGRY-LOOKING CHILD WITH BIG EYES AND A SMILE THAT’S NOT THAT HAPPY, HE STOPS AND TAKES A DOLLAR OUT OF HIS POCKET AND VERY CHARITABLY PUTS IT IN THE HAND OF THE LITTLE GIRL,  WHO SAYS, “THANK YOU, MISTER!” THEN, SHE SNAPS HER FINGER, AND EIGHT BIG AND BEEFY BURLY GUYS, ALL OF THEM WITH CROOKED NOSES AND AT LEAST ONE TOOTH MISSING, GATHER IN A CIRCLE AROUND THE HSR IN AN INTIMIDATING FASHION, AND THE LITTLE GIRL, WHO JUST MAY BE THE RING LEADER, SAYS “THANKS FOR THE DOLLAR MISTER, BUT I’VE NEVER SEEN YOU ON THIS STREET BEFORE, AND BECAUSE OF THAT, YOU’LL NEED A PASS,” AND THE HSR SAYS BACK, “A PASS…HOW DO I GET A PASS?, AND THE SMALL LEADER SNAPS BACK, “WE JUST DON’T BE GIVIN’ AWAY NO PASSES…YOU’VE GOT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION RIGHT OR…ELSE!” AND SHE PUTS HER HANDS AROUND HER NECK AS IF CHOKING HERSELF…AND THE HSR TAKES A DEEP BREATH, AND STRAIGHTENS UP HIS TIE, AND SAYS, “OKAY, SHOOT…WAIT, I DON’T MEAN SHOOT, BUT GO AHEAD, ASK ME THE QUESTION!” AND ONE OF THE BIG GUYS WHO MUST BE ALMOST SEVEN FEET TALL AND FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS, STEPS UP CLOSE TO THE FACE OF THE HSR, SMILES A LITTLE AND CHUCKLES A SNEER, AND ASKS, “WHO IS “TOO SHORT"—A PERSON WHO CAN’T REACH HIGH, OR AN OLD SCHOOL RAPPER?” AND IN A VERY CALM AND COOL WAY, I REACH INTO MY JACKET POCKET, WHICH PROMPTS ALL OF THE OTHER GUYS, AND THE LITTLE GIRL TO QUICKLY REACH INTO THEIR POCKETS, WHICH MAKES ME BLURT OUT, “WAWA…WAIT A SEC, IT’S JUST A BREATH SPRAY!” SO I SLOWLY TAKE OUT THE SPRAY AND GIVE MYSELF TWO PUMPS OF IT INTO MY MOUTH, AND THEN GIVE THE BREATH SPRAY TO THE GUY IN FRONT OF ME AND I SAY, “HERE, SIR, COMPLIMENTS OF THE HOUSE!” AND HE GLOWS, “THANKS, MAN. I CAN USE THIS…BUT STILL…ANSWER THE QUESTION!” AND I THINK BACK TO MY OLD COLLEGE DAYS, AND AUTOMATICALLY REMEMBER, AND I ANSWER, “TOO SHORT’S A RAPPER, AND HE AIN’T NO MIDGET!” WHICH MAKES A COUPLE OF THEM LAUGH A LITTLE, SO FEELING EMBOLDENED SOMEWHAT, THE HSR ASKS, “MAY I HAVE MY PASS NOW,” AND REACHES OUT HIS HAND AS IF HE IS GOING TO RECEIVE A PIECE OF PAPER OR SOMETHING, BUT THE LITTLE GIRL SAYS, “YOU PRETTY FUNNY, MISTER AND I KINDA LIKE YOU, BUT NOW YOU GOTTA ANSWER THE “BONUS QUESTION,” AND THEN WE’LL LET YOU GO!”... SO SHE TURNS AND SAYS, “SHIPWRECK…GIVE THIS GUY A HARD ONE!” AND THE HSR TURNS AND SEES THIS GUY WALK UP CLOSE TO HIM THEN SMILES AT THE HSR, SHOWING A TOTAL ABSENCE OF TEETH, AND ASKS THE HSR…dang, somebody just sat on the remote and cut off the TV…hold on for a minute while I get it back on!

                                                                                                            Back to Love Toothbrush®

“If Man keeps getting technologically smarter, his head will get bigger, and if robots keep doing all of the work, our bodies will evolve smaller, and then, the Homo sapien race really will look like the aliens that we used to draw!”

It’s Saturday night and a bunch of junior high and high school students in that state north of Iowa, gather in a barn on a nearby farm house to have a fresh round of trash talking to each other, followed by a rave.

This guy named Biggie Bigs—probably named that because he is so big—stands on a big mound of hay and shouts…

…“Welcome yawl to the Saturday night fights…

…“we won’t be spillin’ blood…

…“but you gotta make the competition bleed…

…“with embarrassment!...

“So we’re going to split up into two teams…

“The Panthers on one side, and…

… “the Cobras on the other!

“And my five best cheerleaders will be the judges!

“I’ma paint the scene, then you guys gotta come back with something mad funny!

 “Amy, you and Rick are up first…

“Okay here’s the first one….

“Your momma’s teeth so crooked…”

“I'm scared straight!” said Amy.

And the crowd goes wild!

“We starting off sick!,” says Biggie Bigs.

“Okay Rick, we smellin’ some blood!

“Here we go…

“Your momma’s teeth so buck…

“They stuck my eye!” retorts Rick, and again the crowd goes wild!

Chris and Amy shake hands, and walk off.

The crowd slowly settles down, waiting for the next two challengers…

Bigs shouts out “Fife and Smack…you up!

“Those two almost broke out into fisticuffs last time! That’s why the crowd's overflowing this time!” Biggie Bigs thinks to himself.

“Okay, we just getting started!

“Here it is!...

“Your momma’s mouth’s so big that…

Fife jumps into the open area, lands in a sick stance and shoots back: "..."

TO BE CONTINUED…

May you have many…every time the birds fly and look down on us, they laugh at us because we can't fly, I'll bet!...I'm trying to stay away from extra sugars, but last night, that ice cream and cake was delicious!...which is a better time to party: Friday night or Saturday night?…smiles!
































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