My Dentist Said My "Breff Stank!"...So, Now I Gotta...!...

THE LAST TIME WE BLOGGED ABOUT UNSUSTAINABLE BREATH MATTERS WAS WHEN PEOPLE WERE BEING BUSTED FOR "TUI" ("TALKING INDER THE INFLUENCE"... OF BAD BREATH), AND WE ARE NOW EXTENDING THAT PREFACE WHICH DEALT WITH THE SEVEN-YEAR-OLD HSR, WHO HAD HIS KITE SO FAR UP IN THE SKY,

WITH HIS TWO MILES OF STRONG STRING, THAT WHEN THE WIND GOT TO PUSHING REALLY HARD, THE KITE PULLED HSR ALONG THE GROUND AT FIRST, THEN THE GUSTS BECAME EVEN MORE POWERFUL, AND THE BOY WAS ACTUALLY LIFTED INTO THE AIR...

AND AS HE HELD TIGHTLY ON TO THE SAVIOR STRING, HE WAS INVITED TO SEE CLOUDS SO UP-CLOSE, LIKE NEVER BEFORE...

HE EVEN SAW A SET OF "GOOGLE" BALLOONS PASS HIM BY...

THEN HE PASSED A SET OF CLOUDS WITH A PERFORATION THAT IS EXTREMELY RARE IN THE SCIENCE OF "CLOUDOLOGY"...

HSR STEERED AWAY FROM THAT ONE, NOT WANTING TO DROP IN THE HOLE, BUT, NEXT HE WITNESSED THE ALMOST-UNHEARD-OF "ALTOSTRATUS PLANE CLOUD"

THEN HSR TELLS HIMSELF, "NOBODY'S GOING TO BELIEVE ME ABOUT THIS TRIP, NOW!" BUT, NOW, HE SEES THE NEXT SET OF CLOUDS COMING HIS WAY...

AND THOSE CLOUDS SEEM LIKE THEY ARE ANGRILY, HUNGRILY, AND EVILLY CHASING HIM, SO HSR TRIES TO SWERVE AWAY FROM THOSE ELECTRICITY-LOADED, OMINOUS, AND MEAN-LOOKING MISTY AND MORPHING VAPORS, BUT IT FEELS LIKE IT'S ALMOST TOO LATE, BECAUSE HE CAN FEEL A PULLING AND BURNING HEAT...UNTIL...HE HEARS SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN AIRPLANE IN BACK OF HIM...

AND IT IS!...AND THE LADY FLYING THE PLANE MANEUVERS IT JUST RIGHT SO HSR LANDS SAFELY IN THE BACK SEAT, AND, FOR GOOD MEASURE, HSR LETS THE KITE STRING AND THE KITE GO, WHEREAS IMMEDIATELY AFTER, THE KITE IS QUICKLY SUCKED INTO THE DARK AND DEADLY LIGHTENING CLOUD VORTEX, BUT, NO MATTER, BECAUSE THE HSR IS NOW SAVED BY A PLANE THAT SHOWED UP OUT OF NOWHERE, AND THE LADY PILOT ASKS HIM, "HEY GUY, DO YOU COME OUT HERE OFTEN WITH YOUR KITE?", "ALL THE TIME!" THE YOUNG HSR QUIPS, WHICH MAKES THE LADY PILOT LAUGH A LITTLE...and I'm laughing a little too, mister dental chronologist, or whatever, but I still have a question that maybe your "this sweet day looks good with my sunglasses on, and with them off!" smile, can answer, and that is, "Of all of the places in the sky, how did that plane just happen to be there at the exact right time?" and I told him my simple answer, "It is fate, which all of us meet every day!"
                                                                                                   Back to Love Toothbrush®                                   

“Profound statements are profound, because they really are…profound!”  “

I, Miss Lippips, am about to see a new dentist today for a check up…

…I hear that he’s a pioneering dentist…

…with his own dental products, and stuff…

…His name is Dr. I. M. Mean…

They say that he has an “Old School” attitude…

…and doesn’t take any mess or excuses from patients!...

So, that means that I’m probably in for a good floss or tongue lashing, today!

…I admit it’s been awhile… since I was last checked…

...and one tooth hurts...

...but I don't think my mouth is a...disaster area!...

X-rays on me just now finished. ..

…and I’m seated in the chair…

….with that big old dentist bib on me…

…I should've had on one of these bibs when I was eating that big sandwich the other day...

It would have saved the new blouse I just bought!

…Uh oh!…

…I hear the Doctor pacing down the hall to where I am…

The footsteps are forceful and scary and getting louder!...

He comes in the room...doesn't say "Hi!"

…and he sits in that small, turning stool…

…you know, the one dentists always use…

…I saw a dentist once who turned around in a circle while on the chair….

…like it’s a personal merry-go-round…

But I don’t think that Dr. Mean plays like that!

And he gives me piercing and interrogatory looks, up and down...the good once over…

Then he says, "I’ma take a look…

…"and…I “BedNot find Nuthin!"...

…he looks at the health history and x-rays…

Then,

…without saying a word…

...he stretches my mouth open with both hands, making me feel...dominated!...

…afterwhich he dives right on into my mouth...

and closely checks each and every tooth and embrasure…

…staying awhile...

...with his forehead light illuminating my mouth like it's a creepy dark cave, or something!...

...and he now comes back up for air, to report all that he had found…

…and he admittedly was gasping a little for some fresh air!...

…and was a little pale in the face…

...so he wiped his brow...

…and blurted out, “Damn! I mean Dang!…Yo Breff Stank!”

I immediately wanted to jump out of the chair and run out of the office, crying all the way,

but then, Dr. Mean says, “I’m sorry!...Yes, I could be more diplomatic, and there’s no excuse...

…but you have oral, pharyngeal, nasal, digestive, and systemic factors contributing to your…

…how can I say this…

…your “noxiousness!”

“We’re going to need a multidisciplinary approach to take care of this problem, Mam!”

“Are you saying that I have bad breath, or as you put it, that, my “Breff Stank” because of all of those many reasons?” I sobbingly inquire.

“Look,” he pontificates, “I see that you have clogged nasal passages, post nasal drip, enlarged and inflamed tonsils, thick white biofilm on the back of your tongue, heavy calculus buildup on your teeth, two broken fillings, swollen, pusy gums on one side, including some of the “aromatic” side effects of your medicines, your burping of gas because of harsh foods, and, on top of that, all of that fresh garlic that you love to eat!"

“I’m pulling you over right now in this room, and giving you a hefty citation...

..for TUI—“Talking Under the Influence”…of Bad Breath!"

…I can’t even leave you with a warning, because there is a zero tolerance for “Breff Stank!”

"So, here," excruciates Dr. I. M. Mean, as he rips the citation off of the pad and shoves it in my face!

"See your regular physician for info on your digestive, and medicine-related problems…

...and see the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist for your nasal, tonsillar, and pharyngeal areas.

And floss, brush, and rinse more, in that order, and,pay more attention to the tongue. It should be pinkish with no white film build up. Plus, get some of my special halitosis mouth rinse called, "Smile Pow!...The Nuclear Option!"

The doctor ends by condescendingly saying, "Things better be better by next appointment, Miss Lippips! I didn't become a highly paid specialist to take this kind of torture! ______! (fill in your own words!)"

As I walk out of the office all dejected and stuff, I think to myself, "Well, the dentist is really being brusquefully honest and brutally truthful about the status of my breath…

…so maybe, I really should be thankful that he told me, when others won't.

I'll do all of the stuff that he says for me to do...because...

...I don’t want anybody...ever...telling me again...that my “Breff Stank!”

Oh...boo...who, Oh...boo...hoo!

May you have many…have you ever shouted to some people across the street and said, "Hey, you! Ugly!" just to see who turns around?...so, you woke up this morning--now go out and make the world better!...don't brush in the morning and you, too, can become a new and honorary member of the Fraternal Order of Breff Stank!...smiles!