I been looking for you...
..."Ha ha! I've been
looking for you, too!...
And now that you've entered into our lair...
the First Lady that you saw is going to trick you!...
and I'm going to treat you...
or...
is that the other way around!...
Ha ha ha!
So, if you
enter this site,
and its crazy goings-on
it's at your own cost/benefit!
Don't blame nobody but yourself!
With that warning now out of the way...
Let's first start off by
you letting go...
of what's important to you...paper-wise....
Here! I'm now throwing your
important papers in the air!
FUGITABOUTUM!
Pick 'um up later!
Now...
...turn your life over to us...
and trust in us--
the Creator and Independent Contractors of this Blog--
for just a lil' bit of time!
...
"Before we get started with today's shindig,
I brought this Blog's Pretty Boy, some scrumptious chicken breasts
and I hope that he likes the
...legs and thighs!
...
"Hey y'all...
HSR just finished surfing with me
and he's on the way to your Blog Studio now...
You shoulda seen it!
...all the women at the beach gasped
in loving amazement
as he was gloriously surfing and
"hanging eleven!"
...
OMG!...I knew HSR when he was a precocious 13 year old, and
he was known as Lil' Squirt,
but
now that he's all huge and grown up,
I call him
"Big Squirt!"
...
Well, Reader,
HSR and I have just arrived, and I will,
on the sidewalk of this intimate cafe,
humbly serve you as the "Supreme Narrator of Today's Episode"
...
Any shout outs, Ladies!
...
"Hey, Karen, who's that fine young man over there?"
"I don't know, Bea...I think he works on the farm here!"
"Well, with those big arms and that baby face...
"You know he can get some of this City Girl Stuff!"
"Yeah, but me first, Hussie!"
...
Hello, Dear Narrator,
I am inviting HSR to our Oktoberfest Celebration!
"He was such a hit last year,
and we'll provide everything else, but please remind him to bring
his Knockwurst Specialty!
...
Good day, Miss Narrator!
Can HSR come over again and
explain to me
The Theory of Relativity...
...because, I just love it when
he blinds me with Science!"
...
Okay, Ladies...
the Producers are hurrying me
along,
and they don't want to start selling commercial time,
but I keep telling the Producers that you,
my Precious Reader,
Ain't gonna go nowhere else
because,
we love you, and we always try to give
quality content!
And HSR needs our pity...I mean just look...he's not a water sign, but
whenever he's around it...
stuff happens that
makes him get all scratched up!
And he's the only banana
that can
slip on himself!
And even knowing all of this...
you and your
"people like skiing and all of that, but does it ever get too cold to ski?"
smile
will still keep an eye on him as he continually jukes and fakes
right and
left!
...
And please be advised that
the only way to visionize today's blog,
if you dare chance it,
is to go down this dark street
and into this dark alley
to these
guys
but they won't show you this
or take this
from you,
but,
they will show you the latest (today's) episode on this encrypted, jammer-resistant, AI,
audio/video macromachine!
And the THINGS THAT HSR WILL FACE TODAY
MIGHT BE UNBEARABLE FOR MOST OF US
ESPECIALLY, SINCE HE NEEDS THE MONEY FOR
THE ULTRA-EXPENSIVE U. S. "MF" C. DENTAL SCHOOL,
BUT,
TO GET THE DUCKETS FOR THE UPCOMING YEAR
HE SEEKS OUT EMPLOYMENT AT HIS FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD
"FUNNY FARM!"
WHICH IS NOT TOO FAR FROM HIM,
BUT HE WILL HAVE IRREGULAR HOURS,
WHICH MEANS THAT SOMETIMES HE HAS TO
...WORK NIGHTS!
BUT THE FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS FOR HIM
IS TO SHOW UP FOR HIS FIRST DAY,
SO,
HSR STARTS WALKING TO THE SANITARIUM
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
BUSILY GOING THEIR WAYS
BUT HSR ALSO COMES ACROSS
PEOPLE THAT AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!...
THEN HE PASSES A WOMAN THAT JUST LOOKS AT HIM AND THEN
SHE THROWS HIM A KISS!
THEN LATER, AS HE WALKS FURTHER,
"HEY, HOLLYWOOD...'MEMBA ME
I SAT NEXT TO YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL TRIG!"
"OH HI, CAMILLE KRISTINE CRUZ!...
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW?" ASKS HSR...
"I'M TRAVELING THE WORLD...
AND I GET PAID TO WRITE ABOUT IT!" SHE SAYS.
"WELL, I'M STARTING THIS JOB AT THE MENTAL WARD NEAR HERE," SAYS HSR.
"PLEASE,
LET ME WARN YOU ABOUT ONE THING, 'WOOD...
DON'T LOSE YOUR ID BADGE...
OR THEY'LL KEEP YOU...I AIN'T LYIN'!" SAYS CRUZ...
"I'LL REMEMBER THAT!...YO, I GOTTA GO...GOOD TO SEE YOU!...
BYE!" SAYS HSR...AND
HE KEEPS GOING ON HIS WAY...
"HEY, BIG BOY!...
WE CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY!...AND IT WON'T COST YOU...
...MUCH!"
THEY SAY TO HSR...
"I DON'T HAVE TIME NOW," SAYS HSR, "BUT THANK YOU!"
SO HE KEEPS GOING
BUT HE ALSO SEES A WOMAN
WHO SEEMS TO HAVE FALLEN ON SOME HARD TIMES!...
AND HSR SAYS TO HIMSELF,
"WELL, I'M JUST THANKFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE!
AND I'MA COUNT MY BLESSINGS! AND
I HOPE THAT THIS JOB ISN'T DEALING WITH
PEOPLE THAT ARE REALLY
OUT OF IT, AND IN FAIRY-TALE
LAND, WHERE I HAVE TO
RUN ALL OVER THE PLACE TO CATCH 'UM!"
"SORRY, SIR, FOR ALMOST
BUMPING INTO YOU," THIS GUY SAYS TO HSR...
...
SO HSR FINALLY GETS THERE,
BUT,
SOME WOMEN ARE ARGUING
OVER A GUY WHO IS MAYBE INSIDE OF THE PLACE,
AND HSR WALKS ON OVER TO THE FRONT GATE
AND GIVES THE GUARDS HIS NAME,
AND THEY LET HIM ENTER,
AND THEY TELL HIM,
"REPORT TO THE MAIN OFFICE...FIRST FLOOR!
SO HE GOES INSIDE THE BUILDING AND
WALKS DOWN A HALL WAY
AND HE SEES PEOPLE
MOVING ABOUT...
"HI, MISTER...YOU MUST BE
NEW HERE, RIGHT?" SAY A TEENAGE GIRL..
"YES, I AM" SMILES HSR...
"WELL, PEOPLE SMILE WHEN THEY FIRST GET HERE...THEN THEY STOP!...
THAT'S HOW I COULD TELL THAT YOU'RE NEW!"
SAYS THE GIRL...
"YOU'RE PRETTY PERCEPTIVE, YOUNG LADY!" SAYS HSR...
"AND, SIR, THE OFFICE IS THE OTHER WAY, " SAYS THE GIRL...
"WELL, THANKS!" SAYS HSR AS HE STARTS
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION...
BUT ON HIS WAY, HE HEARS SOME GUY TELLING A LADY
TO TAKE HER MEDICINE,
BUT,
SHE DOESN'T
WANT TO!
SO, HSR FINALLY WALKS INTO THE MAIN OFFICE AND SITS DOWN
AND THE SECRETARY ASKS HSR,
"ARE YOU A NEW PATIENT, OR A NEW HIRE?"
"A NEW HIRE!" SAYS HSR.
AND THE SECRETARY LAUGHS, "SOMETIMES,
IT'S HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE!"
"IN THAT CASE," SAYS HSR, "I'M NOT GONNA LOOSE MY BADGE!"
"RIGHT, MR. REPORT, BECAUSE, YOU MIGHT JUST GET
AN EXTENDED STAY! HA HA, HA!" THE SECRETARY CRAZILY
LAUGHS!
"WELL, EVERYTHING'S IN ORDER, SO,
JUST GO DOWN TWO DOORS TO THE STAFF LOUNGE FOR A WHILE!" SHE FINISHES...
AND HSR PASSES ONE ROOM
BUT, WHEN HSR GETS TO THE LOUNGE,
A LADY THERE SAYS,
"HI THERE! YOU MUST BE THE NEW GUY!...I'M DR. AMY!
AND I CAN TELL IF A PERSON
IS CRAZY OR NOT JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM!"
"OKAY...WELL, DR. AMY, PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT ME
TO HARD, BECAUSE I MIGHT BE THINKING
THAT YOU'RE THINKING SOMETHING!" SAYS HSR.
"OKAY, I WON'T LOOK TOO HARD AT YOU,
BUT I WILL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE CUTE!...
AND I HEAR THAT YOU'RE IN DENTAL SCHOOL...WHERE?" SHE ASKS...
"AT U.S. "MF" C." GRINS HSR.
"DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?" SHE ASKS...
"I KNOW A LOT OF GIRLS!" SAYS HSR BACK...
THEN SHE
LONGINGLY LOOKS HSR UP AND DOWN...
"CAN YOU TELL SOMETHING ABOUT ME BY LOOKING
AT MY BODY LANGUAGE, NOW?
"THAT...
...YOU LIKE TO LAY ON YOUR BACK!" JOKES HSR!...
"OMG!
YOU SURPRISE ME, YOUNG MAN!"
"MR. HOLLYWOOD, SIR," SAYS THIS GUY
WHO JUST NOW WALKS IN, "
WE NEED YOU TO HELP TAKE A PATIENT TO A ROOM!"
SO HSR GETS UP AND SAYS,
"SEE YOU LATER, DR. AMY!"...THEN HE LEAVES WITH THE OTHER GUY.
AND DR. AMY WATCHS HSR
GO!
SO, AS THEY WALK TO THE PLACE WHERE THEY NEED TO GO,
HE PASSES BY ONE LADY
"PLEASE, SEE ME LATER HANDSOME TIGER!" SHE SAYS...
AND THEY FINALLY REACH TO THE WOMAN NEEDING ASSISTANCE,
AND PICK HER
UP
AND TAKE HER
TO HER ROOM!
...WITH SOME DIFFICULTY!...
AND, AS THEY LEAVE HER BEHIND A LOCKED DOOR,
HSR PASSES BY ONE OTHER PATIENT THAT'S SO SATISFIED TO
TO BE THERE!
THEN, HE PASSES BY ANOTHER PATIENT IN THE HALLWAY WHO IS JUST
ENTERTAINING HISSELF!
AND THEN HSR GOES AROUND A CORNER, AND HE DOESN'T KNOW IT,
BUT ANOTHER GIRL
WAITS FOR THE RIGHT TIME AND
PILFERS HIS BADGE AND WALLET!
OH NO!
ABOUT AN HOUR LATER, AS HSR MAKES HIS ROUNDS,
A GUARD STOPS HIM AND ASKS
FOR HIS ID
AND HSR SEARCHES HIS POCKETS...
BUT IT'S GONE!
"WELL, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME...RIGHT NOW!
AND HSR SAYS, BUT I WORK HERE!"
AND THE GUARD SAYS, "AND SO DO I!"
SO HSR PUTS UP SOME RESISTANCE
THEN, THE GUARD
HAULS HSR OFF, AND SAYS
YOU'RE GOING TO THE LOBOTOMY
CLINIC!
"OH NO! SAYS HSR...
SOMEBODY SWIPED MY STINKIN' BADGE!"
"I know that you didn't have to come to this website...but since you did...I promise to entertain you!"
Partiers, Well Wishers, and
even a couple of you No-Gooders!...
...Welcome to my Virtual Dental Office
Many of my patients come to the office to
just hang out by the water
Come on in and meet some of my patients!
...
Julianne!...
Great!
I can see that you just got your braces...I mean...
"Doctor...I, like, sorta like, Zombies...
"Z Patients!"...a dental care tip:
Always use an old, "bent-up" and twisted toothbrush
but when you brush...
do it twice a day,
however,
don't remove the plaque...
just press it deeper between teeth
so the rotten stuff can "pile up" and feel "at home!"
Remember...there's strength in Bacterial numbers!
Never, and I mean never!...
floss...
that way, you can keep your bad breath close,
and the germs that make it "stank"...even closer!
Always eat meat
to savor the natural flavoring, and
to keep your sharp teeth "flesh-ripping strong!"
Alright you two...
turn around and show each other some love!...But, hurry!
Collect good wall Artwork that shows your
Keep a Selfie Library to document your
Now, this is important...
fine tune the way you walk
by limping or dragging a leg...
because...
...you don't want to get busted being
"Non-Zombie!"
Get your teeth knocked loose on purpose
to maintain the "true to form" look!
Visit your Zombie Dentist twice a year to keep things looking pretty...
Well, guy...
you "cain't" eat beef...
"wiff no teef!"
Get a Zombie Girlfriend or Zombie Boyfriend to help with
Zombies of a feather...
Losing a tooth or teeth is a good thing!...It only makes you a classical example of
"Hey, you know that you're not
supposed to have ice cream
before meat!
"Congratulations on your new, naturally-birthed
Baby!...Oh...but you wanted
a "C-Section?...because you like...
knives going left and right?
Whoa!"
You know that your looks are on point
when you look into mirrors and they quickly break!
the better!
Zs and non-Zs all deserve the right
to get down with the music!
Oh, yes..and the badder and stronger and more toxic the breath...
"My Dear...
I love what you've done with your hair!...
and your deep red make up!...
...you must be going out on a "Bite Night" date!...
If you smile...
and try to be sociable...
and people still sprint away...
"Laney!
Let's hurry up and
catch that guy
over there!
"OMG!...It's dark outside!...and I
"In this age of Social Media and
Facial Recognition,
be thankful, My Dear Ann-Kristin Sundberg
that you're anonymous!
When people on the street shout to you, "Say, Mister!...It ain't Halloween yet!,"
...you've arrived!
"Oh, come on, Sibel Hodge!...
"Gimme just a little bit of a grin...
or even a growl...I'll take anything!"
"And, yes!...whether you eat fresh or rotten food,
and if you throw up afterwards...
it only makes you
"Okay, dude and young lady...
you can come into the
"Aww, man, I'm full...
I think I'll
take a break!"
"Oh no!...
you mean there's
more to come!"...
...."Excuse me, but...I'm
outta here!"
May you have many...
My Dear Hollywood,
My Sweet Hollywood
--yes--your "Sugar Name" goes well with
a lot of adjectives
and especially superlatives,
but the best two things that go well with you are
my arms around you!'"...
"What!
The Sun's coming out!
That can only mean one thing...
and that is, that
Hollywood is near!"...
"I'm telling you people!
Be happy that there's
Dr. Winge, because he's giving
treats to your literary and blog appetites
every week!
So, if you know a Dentist like him
that fixes your teeth
and fixes your entertainment-starved mind--
please tell me who in the comment section!...
"So, you're Dr. Report...I hear that when you squeeze the girls, you do it so tight, that they "pop!"
I want you to do that to me, too!
However, I hope that
...you're not allergic to blue!
"Hollywood!...I've made a diagnosis on you!...
and for the best treatment...
immediately!...
you need to
take two of these, and
call me tonight!
"OMG!
My dog likes you!...Sir, what's your name?...
It is!...Wow...Please, Sir, know that I'm "alltherage4u!""
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