But Wait!...
And he shows Santa...a...
...A Custom
Helicopter?...Whoa!...
And Next to it
is
the Mother of all Digital
Sleighs?
"What's this
New World coming to?" asks
Santa,
as he smiles and says 'Thanks' and
almost walks out...but the guy says,
Let me just show you
one more Choice...it's
a Family Heirloom, but no one
wants it!"
"Okay," says Santa as
he follows the guy back to a warehouse...
"Santa, I've got two things
to show you!"...
..."This right here can get you around the
Globe
'Supersonically Fast!'
"And what's the other Choice," asks Santa...
"The other Choice is this...
with a Heater and Headlights
and sturdy Reindeer Hookups!"
"I'll Take it!...and...
Please deliver it
Immediately!" smiles an ecstatic Santa!
Now,
the sales man,
after signing the papers,
does a song
and
Dance!
Now, as Santa is about to leave,
the Salesperson says,
"That Santa Jet is Made for you, though, Sir, and
please come back for a Test Drive!"
So, as
Santa takes the New Sleigh
out for
some runs before the Big Night...
He thinks. "I think I'll test drive the Santa Jet
next time I see Doctor Olah Orala!"
THAT WAS WHERE
HSR
IS HIP-DEEP
IN THE WHITE STUFF
AND HE'S
LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT
AT 'THE GLOBE'
IN NORDKAPP,
WHICH IS WAY UP
AT THE TOP OF THINGS,
AND...
IT'S WHERE HARD ROCKS
AND STONE
AND SNOW
CLASH FACE TO FACE
WITH
UNFORGIVING,
SUBZERO WATERS,
WHERE EVEN THE CREATURES IN THERE
CAN GET
TOO COLD AND
QUICKLY AND PROBLEMATICALLY
GET DISORIENTED!...
BUT,
ANYWAY,
LAST TIME,
HSR GOT A JUICY SEND OFF
BY A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
(YOU SHOULD CHECK IT!)
AND HE STARTED
HIS PATH SOUTH,
TOWARD
LAKSELV, ON A
HIGH-TECH SNOWMOBILE!...
AND HSR GETS BRAVE ENOUGH
TO TRY SOME TRICKS!
ON HIS WAY...
AND HE QUICKLY LEARNS
TO STAY ON THE SNOW
AND NOT...
...ON THE WATER!...
BUT
MOSTLY
IT'S JUST QUIET GOING,
EXCEPT FOR WHEN HIS MOBILE
GETS LOOSE AND
LIGHTLY SCRATCHES HIM
UP A BIT
AND
WHEN A MOOSE WANTS TO KNOW
IF HSR HAS A
PEANUT BUTTER
AND JELLY SANDWICH!...
HOWEVER,
JUST BEFORE IT GETS DARK
HE PASSES BY A LADY PLAYING
IN THE SNOW
AND SHE INVITES HIM
TO STAY
AT HER PLACE
SO HE WON'T GET
'FROST-BITE' OVER NIGHT,'
"IF AND ONLY IF
YOU GIVE ME A RIDE TO LAKSELV TOMORROW...IS THAT OKAY?"
ASKS THE WOMAN,
AS THEY SHARE
HOT CHOCOLATE AND TREATS,
AND HE SAYS
"YES,
I'D LOVE TO TAKE YOU TO LAKSELV TOMORROW!"...
AND
THEY TELL EACH OTHER
STORIES AT FIRST
BY THE WARM FIREPLACE, AND
EVENTUALLY,
THEY CALL IT A NIGHT,
BUT WHEN TOMORROW COMES
SHE ASKS, "WOULD YOU WANT TO
JUST RELAX MORE TODAY
AND JUST GO TOMORROW?"
"SURE...LET'S...!" SMILES
HOLLYWOOD AS HE STRETCHES...
BUT...
THEN...
IT SNOWS TOO MUCH
TO TRAVEL
FOR
THREE MORE DAYS!...
AND ON THE FOURTH DAY
THEY FINALLY HEAD ON OUT TO LAKSELV
AND ON THE WAY,
THEY PASS BY SOME HARD-CORE SURVIVALISTS
AND SOME KIDS PLAYING
IN THE SNOW
AND ANOTHER
TRYING TO
MAKE A SNOWMAN!...
"LAKSELV IS
JUST DOWN THIS ROAD,"
SAYS HIS FRIEND...
...AND THEY STOP BY A HOTEL/DINER
TO GRAB A BITE
AND SHE SAYS, "HOLLYWOOD, HERE!"
AND THEY
SLOPPILY KISS IN THE SNOW
AND HE SAYS,
"I HAVE SOMETHING THAT
I WANT TO GIVE YOU!"...
SO,
HE
BENDS OVER
AND REACHES INTO A BAG...
AND HE TURNS AROUND
TO GIVE HER...
...WAIT!... SHE'S GONE!
...JUST LIKE THAT!
"MAN, SHE IS TOO SWEET...
...BUT...
...WHAT CAN I DO?" HE LAMENTS...
"I GUESS I'LL JUST
GET A BITE TO EAT!"
HE SAYS,
SORT OF FEELING LOW...
NOW,
HE GOES INTO
THE RESTAURANT
AND
A WAITRESS ASKS
HIM FOR HIS ORDER...
WHICH REMINDS HIM
OF WHAT
HE LIKED AS A KID
SO,
HIS ORDER IS PROCESSED,
AND
A WAITRESS COMES BY
AFTER HIS MEAL AND TELLS HIM,
"YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE INTO
'BODY PHYSICS!'...
...WHY DON'T YOU CHECK OUT
THE ANNUAL
JUDO/JUJITSU EVENT
DOWN THE STREET?"
"I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE MY GI!...
...I THINK I WILL...THANKS!,"
HE REPLIES...
THEN,
HE WALKS ON OVER
TO THE GYM
DOWN THE STREET
AND
THERE'S A LONG LINE OF
FREEZING PEOPLE
BUT
A GUY COMES UP TO HIM
AND SAYS,
"I SEE YOU HAVE YOUR GI...
...YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE!"
SO,
THEY WALK INTO THE
'COMBAT PLACE,'
AND PEOPLE OF ALL AGES ARE
'GETTING DOWN'...
...SERIOUSLY!
NOW,
HE DENTIST DAYDREAMS BACK
TO WHEN HE WAS AT A
SUMO TOURNAMENT!
AND THE CROWD WENT
'EARTHQUAKE CRAZY!'...
BUT, HERE... THEY ARE DOING STUFF
LIKE THIS!
AND THIS
...WHOA!
"GO AHEAD AND GET DRESSED
AND WARMED UP!"
SAYS THE USHER TO HOLLYWOOD..
NOW, HE SEES
SOME PEOPLE WORKING OUT AND
GETTING SWEATY AND...
MAKING OTHER PEOPLE...
HAVE DOUBTS..."LIKE ME!" HE THINKS!...
"OMG! AND THIS PERSON
AIN'T PLAYIN'
EITHER!"
"HEY, HANDSOME!...I HOPE
THAT
I GET MATCHED
WITH YOU!,"
SAYS THIS
LADY!...AND...
...WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT!
THEY BOTH ARE SELECTED FOR THE NEXT BOUT...
WHICH ENDS IN A TIE...
BECAUSE OF HER
'UNBREAKABLE GUARD!'
OKAY...SO...
AFTER THE MATCH,
SHE COMES UP TO HIM AND SAYS,
HELLO THERE, YOU GLADIATOR!...
...AFTER THE TOURNAMENT,
I CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO
GET OUT OF MY GUARD
IF YOU WANT?"
AND HSR SMLES, "SURE!"
THEN,
THE DENTIST LOOKS AT HIS NEXT OPPONENT...OMG!...REALLY!...
AND THIS WOMAN HAS JUST BEEN
'THRASHING'
THE COMPETITION...
...I MEAN...
...'ROYALLY'...
...AND NOW,
SHE SETS HER 6 FOOT 7,
310 POUND EYES
ON...(GULP!)...
...HOLLYWOOD
AND SHE
GOES,
"AAARRRGGGG!...
COME ON...AND...
'MAKE MY DAY,' BOY!'"
NOW,
HOLLYWOOD STARTS TO CRY,
"I THINK I MAY NEED
TO MAKE A
QUICK RESERVATION
AT THE
NEAREST HOSPITAL!...
...OH NO!...
.......
SO...
THEY BOTH
BOW ON THE MAT
AND START
RANDORI, AND
THE WOMAN IS
SO OVERPOWERING THAT
SHE ENDS THE MATCH VERY QUICKLY
BY 'APPLYING'
A 'NO-ESCAPING'
AND LIGHTNING-FAST
ARMBAR!...WHICH MAKES
HIM PAINFULLY
'ZAP'
A
TAP OUT!...
NOW...HE'S ALL BEAT UP AND
HIS ARM REALLY HURTS,
BUT,
HIS FIRST OPPONENT
COMES BY AND SAYS,
"SIR...YOU ARE WELCOME TO
COME BY MY PLACE
AND
REST SOME,
IN THIS SNOW,
IF YOU'D LIKE!"
SO HOLLYWOOD GETS HIS
SNOW MOBILE READY...BUT...
HE 'REVS IT TOO MUCH...
...TOO SOON!...
BUT...
AFTER THAT...
...THEY START THEIR WAY
ONTO
...HER PLACE!...
AND,
SOME OF THE PLACES
IN LAKSELV
LOOK
LIKE
NOWHERE ELSE!
...AND THEY PASS BY
SOME UNUSUAL
LANDFORMS...
...AND A
LAKE,
AND BETWEEN
SOME MOUNTAINS!...
AND THEY ARE FINALLY THERE!
AND WHEN THEY
GET INSIDE,
THEY 'FRESHEN UP,'
AND SHE
TENDS TO
HIS SORE 'ARMBARRED'
ELBOW,
AND AFTER SOME
DELICIOUS
FOOD,
AND SOME
'GIGGLING SOFA TALK'
SHE ASKS
HIM,
"I CAN SHOW YOU
HOW TO
'GET OUT OF MY GUARD'
NOW"...
AND HE SAYS,
OKAY...MAYBE...JUST ONCE!"
...
NOW SHE SAYS,
"REMEMBER HOW WE WERE IN A
'TIGHT' GUARD POSITION?"
"YES," HE SAYS...
NEXT, SHE POPS IN A CD TUTORIAL AND SAYS,
"HERE, I SEE A PLAYER
GAIN AN ADVANTAGE
TO ONE SIDE,
THEN,
'STEP OUT' THROUGH
THE BACK!...BUT DON'T
EXPOSE YOUR ARM
UNNECESSARILY,
OR YOU'LL
'GET BARRED!'"
"YEAH...TELL ME ABOUT THAT!"
SAYS A HALF-SMILING,
HALF-GRIMACING HOLLYWOOD!...
"SO,
WHERE'S YOUR NEXT STOP," SHE ASKS...
"KARASJOK,
SAYS THE DOCTOR...
"WELL, THAT'S
ABOUT 50 MILES SOUTH FROM HERE...YOU SHOULD
REST UP
BEFORE YOU HEAD ON
OUT."
SO HSR RESTS
AS MUCH AS HE CAN
AND HE LEAVES HER PLACE
IN THE EARLY
MORNING AND
..."WHOA!...
...WHAT A SUNRISE,"
AS HE
MAKES SOME GOOD TIME...
AND HE PASSES SOME
UNUSUAL
...OMGOSH!...
PLACES!...
...AND HE STOPS A BIT
SO THAT HE CAN...
BE ON TOP OF THE WORLD!...
AND WHILE HE
KEEPS GOING...
HE THINKS,
"SOON...
I'LL BE IN
KARASJOK!
BUT,
BEFORE HE GETS TO
PORSANGERMOEN,
WHICH IS
ON THE WAY...
...OMGOSH!...
HIS SNOWMOBILE
GIVES OUT!...AND IT'S FREEZING!
FORTUNATELY,
SOMEONE IS PASSING BY
AND SHE SAYS,
"HI THERE!...NO ONE'S GOING TO SERVICE
YOUR MOBILE NOW...WHY DON'T YOU HOOK
YOURS UP TO MINE
AND I'LL TAKE YOU
TO MY SHELTER?"
"AWW, MAN...THAT SOUNDS
TOO GOOD," THANKS HOLLYWOOD...
SO,
HE HOOKS THEM
TOGETHER AND IN THE SNOWING WEATHER,
THEY FINALLY GET TO
HER SHELTER,
AND SHE SAYS,
"LET'S LEAVE THEM
HERE ON THE SIDE
AND FOLLOW ME..."
SO THEY
GET TO HER PLACE,
AND THE DENTIST SEES A
PRETTY SCENE
WAY ACROSS A BIG LAKE
BEFORE HE GOES INSIDE...
THEN,
THEY SHUT THE DOOR
ON THE SLED HOUSE,
AND,
...NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON!,
BECAUSE
IT' STARTS TO GET
'HOWLING COLD'
OUTSIDE!
NOW,
SHE TURNS ON THE HEATER
AND THE COFFEE MAKER AND
THE FOOD COOKER
AND THE TV, AND
HE ASKS HER ,
"AM I LUCKY
OR BLESSED OR
WHATEVER,
THAT WE
FOUND
EACH OTHER?"
AND SHE SMILES BACK,
"IT SEEMS LIKE
YOU CAN...TAKE YOUR PICK!"
