"Hi...You like the way that I'm "Backin' That Thang Up?"...I'm busy right now...but my Associates below will
Help You!"
"HSR!....
This always shocks
me more than
it shocks you!...and...
that's why I
Keep Coming Back!"
"Come on in...
The water's fine!"...
Ladies!...
...from any Walk of Life,
from Pilots,
to Miners,
to "High Tea Ladies,"
to Dangerous
Black Belts!...
Hollywood's here!!"
...Dr. Report,
I'm comparing notes
from Our Time Last Time,
and Our Time this time...
...and nothing's changed!"
Whew!...
You and your
"I love Cold Air
Conditioning
on a
Hot Day outside!"
smiles
are
just Lovin' the Babes
on
Baywatch!
Today's Cyber Link to Reality
is brought to you by...
a Pretty Lady who
...oh, oh...
let's
take the tape off!...
...who knows many Languages and
likes to talk!
And...
since it's Hot Outside...
Let's Go Skiing In The Cold!...Yeah!...
Now,
HSR likes the tricks that the
Pros can do...
but him...
there "otta" be a law!...
...against him
using his
Hospital Insurance too much!...
especially in the
places where he likes...
which are the...
Avalanche-Prone Areas!
See, HSR is always,
subconsciously chasing
Danger...even if he doesn't
realize it!
Don't believe me?
Just check out
"Teeth Jam" Or "Toe Jam"...Which Is Worse?...Part 2."
and
before that,
"She Has A "Summa Cum Laude" Smile!,"
where HSR is on break,
OF COURSE,
FROM
THAT GIANT
DENTAL SCHOOL
ON THE WEST COAST
U. S. C.
HE IS NOW
VISITING THAT
LOVELY
BY THE HOOK OF
AND HSR MEETS BENTHE
AT AN OUTDOOR CAFE...
SO, THEY TALK A LITTLE
AND HE TELLS HER
THAT HE WANTS TO
"BIKE
ALL THE WAY
TO ROTTERDAM!"
SO,
SHE TELLS HIM WHERE A BIKE SHOP IS....
THEN,
SHE ASKS HSR,
"DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?"
"YOU VOLUNTEERING?"
HE ASKS...
MAKING HER LAUGH A LITTLE...
"WELL, HSR,
SINCE
YOU'RE NEW TO MY COUNTRY,
I WANT TO..."
THEN
BENTHE
WALKS UP TO
HSR AND PLANTS
ROMANTIC "FAT ONE"
ON HIS CHEEK!
AND
SHE SMILES,
"COME BACK... I'LL SHOW YOU AROUND!
THEN,
SHE GIVES "THE WINK AND THE
"POINT!"...MAKING HSR
BLUSH A LITTLE!...
SO,
HSR STARTS WALKING DOWN
AND
HE PASSES BY
SOME FRIENDLY
BIKE PEOPLE
ON THE
WAY
TO THE BIKE SHOP, AND
ON THE WAY,
HE MEETS A LADY
THAT LIKES TO WALK
AND
TALK
ABOUT TIRE PRESSURES
AND
BRAKING DISTANCES
AND
THAT IT'S
NOT GOOD TO ALWAYS
GO
ALL OUT...AND...
THAT SHE
WANTS TO MEET HSR
AT THE SAME PLACE
TOMORROW!...
NOW,
HSR THINKS,
"PEOPLE AROUND HERE
ARE REALLY
"CARBON-FOOTPRINT CONSCIOUS,"
AS THEY GO ON
ABOUT THEIR DAY!" THINKS HSR...
NOW,
HE GETS TO A BIKE SHOP
AND WALKS INSIDE...
"HELLO...MAY WE HELP YOU?"
SMILES THIS
LADY...
AND HSR RESPONDS,
"HI THERE...
I JUST NEED A BIKE
TO TRAVEL THE COUNTRYSIDE!"
"WELL," SHE SAYS,
WE HAVE AN
ELECTRIC ONE
THAT CAN HAUL MAJOR
"A!""
"NAW," SAYS HSR,
" I JUST WANT A PLAIN ONE FOR NOW."
"OKAY!"
THEN THE LADY SAYS,
"WELL,
JUST GO ON IN THE BACK...
...KEESHA
WILL HELP YOU."
"THANK YOU," HE SAYS...
NOW,
HE WALKS BACK
AND SEES KEESHA.
"HI THERE, MISS KEESHA!," SAYS HSR...
"I CAN TELL
RIGHT OFF THE BAT THAT
YOU'RE AMERICAN!" SAYS KEESHA,
"AND SOME OF THESE LADIES
HERE ARE
GONNA SNACTH YOU UP,
AND
BLOW YOUR MIND,
IF YOU
DON'T WATCH IT, BOY!"
"THANKS FOR THE WARNING, KEESH!"
GRINS HSR...
"YOU JUST MET ME AND
YOU'RE ALREADY
CALLING ME "KEESH!...
YOU SURE ARE
TAKING SOME LIBERTIES!"
LAUGHS KEESHA...
...
OKAY,
SO, HSR GETS A GOOD,
STURDY BIKE!...
NOW,
AS HE
RIDES, HE THINKS ABOUT
TIMES PAST WHEN HE HAD A BIKE LIKE
PEE WEE HERMAN!
AND
WHILE TRAVELING EAST,
HE GIVES A HIGH
FIVE
TO A
FELLOW BIKER!
AND
HE REMEMBERS
A SCENE FROM ONE
OLD MOVIE AND
ANOTHER!...
SO,
HSR PASSES SOME PEOPLE
ON THE ROAD
AND
ONE LADY ASKS,
"I HAVE SOME WINE AND CHEESE,
AND A BLANKET...YOU GAME?"
AND HSR, SAYS,
"SURE!"
SO,
THEY SIT AND TALK
AND LAUGH A BIT,
PLUS SOME OTHER STUFF,
THEN THEY SAY "BYE!"
AND SOON,
HE PASSES AN
AIRPORT!...
AND
FARTHER ALONG,
WOW!...
IT'S
THE
THEEPOT!
AND,
AS IT GETS DARKER,
THERE'S OTHER
SPECTACULAR STUFF
LIKE THIS
AND THIS
HOWEVER,
NOW,
WITH HIS NIGHT LIGHT ON
HSR FINDS HIMSELF
A LITTLE
LOST
AND
REAL TIRED AND
TUCKERED OUT
AND
HE'S HERE!...
...BY SOME RED LIGHTS!
"WHERE AM I?"
HSR ASKS HIMSELF!...
THEN,
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
A WOMAN SAYS,
"HEY, YOUNG MAN...
THERE IS AN
EMERGENCY ON THE STREETS!
BRING YOUR BIKE IN HERE,
AND
COME WITH ME
TO GET OFF
OF THE STREETS!"
NOW,
HSR SAYS,
"AN EMERGENCY?...
WELL,
THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU...
TO OFFER SHELTER!
...I THINK I'LL
TAKE YOU UP
ON THAT OFFER!"
...
"COME ON IN," SHE SAYS,
"I'M NOT SURE WHAT KIND OF EMERGENCY IT IS
BUT,
JUST TO BE SAFE,
IT'S BEST TO BE INSIDE!"
SO,
HSR WALKS IN AND
LOOKS AROUND THE PLACE,
A LITTLE
AND HE SEES SOME
WOMEN...
AND THE LADY WHO LET HIM IN SAYS,
"IF YOU WANT TO,
HAVE A SEAT
OVER THERE FOR A MINUTE!"
"OKAY,"
SAYS HSR,
AS HE TAKES A SEAT...
THEN,
HE MOVES A LITTLE
CLOSER TO THE WINDOW,
JUST TO GET AN INNOCENT LOOK OUTSIDE!
THEN,
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
SOME WOMEN ON THE STREET
START TO GATHER AROUND
HIS "WINDOW!"...
NOW,
HSR CAN HEAR SOME OF THEM SAY,
"I WANT HIM!,"
AS THEY POINT
AND GIGGLE TO EACH OTHER
THEN,
A NUMBER OF THEM
WALK FROM THE WINDOW,
AND
THEY SEEM TO BE
GOING TO THE FRONT DOOR
OF THIS PLACE!
AND,
IN A MINUTE OR TWO,
HSR CAN HERE THE PEOPLE SPEAK
AT THE FRONT DESK,
"WE WANT TO PAY
FOR THAT GUY IN THE WINDOW...
...HERE'S THE CASH!
AND A LADY SAYS,
NONE OF THE GUYS
ARE WORKING NOW!"
AND THE WOMEN SHOUT BACK TO HER,
"WE SAW HIM...
...AND HE'S JUST THE ONE
WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR!
HERE'S THE MONEY...
PLEASE GIVE HIM TO US!"
...
NOW,
HSR IS FINALLY
PUTTING TWO AND TWO TOGETHER, AND
HE THINKS TO HISSELF,
"AWW, MAN...I'M IN A
"GOOD LOVE MARKETPLACE!...AND
THOSE WOMEN
COMING FOR ME ARE
GONNA TAKE OUT SOME OF THEIR
FANTASIES, AND FETISHES
OUT ON ME!"
...
SO NOW,
HSR,
WALKS PAST AN OPEN DOOR
AND SEES A LADY
AND SHE SAYS TO HIM,
"COME AND STAY A WHILE, HANDSOME!"
BUT
HE KEEPS WALKING...
NOW,
HE
SEES AN OPEN DOOR,
AND HE DECIDES TO
GO INTO THAT ROOM...
...SO,
HE TIPTOES INSIDE,
AND
HE'S NOT SURPRISED TO SEE ...
...A BED!
SO,
HE DECIDES TO
GET UNDER THE BED
AND HIDE!
AND
JUST AS HE
MAKES IT UNDER THERE,
HE HEARS TWO PEOPLE
COME IN THE ROOM AND
JUMP ON THE BED!
.....
AND AFTER SOME
EXTENDED MOMENTS OF PASSION,
AND
FEELING THE ROOM SHAKE
WITH
"EARTHQUAKES OF AMOUR!"...
...THINGS SETTLE DOWN, AND
THE TWO PEOPLE LEAVE....
"NOW'S MY CHANCE
TO
GET OUT OF HERE!,
" THINKS HSR...
SO,
HE GETS FROM UNDER THE BED,
AND STANDS UP,
THEN
WALKS TO THE DOOR
AND OPENS IT
A LITTLE
AND STICKS HIS HEAD OUT TO SEE
DOWN THE HALL...
BUT...
OH NO!
....
"THERE HE IS," THOSE HUNGRY WOMEN SHOUT
AND POINT TO HIM...
"LET'S GET HIM!"
SO,
HSR RUNS BACK INTO THE ROOM
BUT
HE CAN'T SHUT THE DOOR!
NOW,
THE WOMEN BARGE IN,
AND THIS ONE SAYS,
"DON'T WORRY, BABY...
I JUST
WANT TO WATCH!"
THEN,
THIS LADY SAYS,
"I JUST NEED TO
HOLD HANDS
AND HUG!"
AND NOW...
THIS ONE SAYS,
" I JUST WANT MY MONEY'S WORTH!"
AND LASTLY,
THIS ONE GRINS,
"RIGHT NOW,
I JUST WANT TO LIVE
ONE "POP" AT A TIME!"
...
NOW...
A BIG PART OF
HSR IS
SO
VERY
FRIGHTENED!
BUT,
A TINY
YET SIGNIFICANT
PART OF HIM
THINKS
"YEAH, BABY!"
...
NOW...
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
IN THAT ROOM...
IS SO MUCH
OF A BLUR...
BUT...
THE NEXT MORNING...
...ALTHOUGH BEING
A LITTLE EMBARRASSED...
HSR STILL GETS HIMSELF
READY TO GO,
AND
AS HE LEAVES ON HIS BIKE,
THIS LADY SAYS,
"AFTER ONE SHOT OF WHISKY,
YOUNG MAN,
YOU WERE "TEARING IT UP!"...,
AND YOU
MADE MORE MONEY
THAN EVER
FOR THIS PLACE!
YOU NEED TO COME BACK
SOON AND GET
YOUR
PROFIT ON,
OKAY!"
"I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!" SAYS HSR,
AS HE GETS ON HIS
BIKE AND RIDES TO THE EAST...
BUT NOW...
HE HAS A NEW FOUND
FAT WAD OF CASH
IN HIS FRONT POCKET,
AS HIS CUT
FROM THE "FESTIVITIES"
FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE!
SO HE STOPS BY A DINER
TO GRAB A BITE!...
AND THE PLACE LOOKS
OKAY, WITH
VARIOUS CLIENTELE...
"GOOD DAY, SIR!...
...LUNCH FOR ONE?"
AND HSR SAYS,
"YES, PLEASE!"
SO HE TAKES A SEAT...
AND HSR SEEMS TO ALREADY,
HAVE
AN ADMIRER!
SO, HE WOLFS DOWN
THE FOOD AS IF
HE HASN'T EATEN
FOR A WHILE,
THEN HE PAYS AND
MAKES OUT
ON THE ROAD AGAIN
AND HE'S ON HIGHWAY A20
AND HE PASSES BY
A WINDMILL
AND...
WOW!...SOME
REALLY BIG BULB FARMS!
AND HSR BIKES PAST SOME
FRIENDLY
KIDS AND A NICE
COUPLE!
"SIR," SAYS THIS LADY, "YOU
REMIND ME OF A GOOD FRIEND!...
PLEASE RIDE SAFELY ON YOUR BIKE, OKAY...PLEASE!"
"WHY THANK YOU, MISS!...
...THANKS FOR YOUR CARING, AND
I'LL TRY TO BE
REAL SAFE!"
AND SO HE
RIDES ON...
"WHAT'S THAT?
A ROBOT!"
SAYS HSR!
"SPEAKING OF BICYCLES...
I LIKE THE
"BICYCLE KICK!" SMILES HSR...
THEN
FOR A MINUTE OR TWO
HE COASTS WITH A
GUY ON A
STRANGE ONE!...
"THIS IS QUITE THE PLACE,"
SMILES HSR,
AS HE REMEMBERS TO
KEEP HIS EYES ON
THE ROAD!...
THEN THIS LADY
MOTIONS TO HSR BY THE
SIDE OF THE ROAD,
AND SHE ASKS,
"HI THERE...DO YOU HAPPEN TO
KNOW ENGLISH?"
AND HSR BLURTS OUT,
"SURE DO!...WHAT'S UP?"
AND SHE RESPONDS,
I'M HAVING A
"LEARN MORE ENGLISH"
MEETING AT MY PLACE
...WOULD YOU LIKE TO
GIVE YOUR INPUT?"
THERE WILL BE DINNER
AND A LITTLE WINE!"
"SOUNDS GREAT!" HE SAYS...
SO THEY GET THERE
AND THE PLACE IS LIVELY!
AND AFTER THE MEETING,
THERE'S A DANCE!
AND THIS LADY
COMES UP TO
HSR AND SAYS
"HI HANDSOME !...
I SPENT SOME TIME IN
AMERICA!...
BUT,
I LIKE IT HERE BETTER!
...SO WHAT ARE YOU
DOING AFTER THE PARTY?"
"I'M NOT SURE," SAYS
HSR...
"WELL," SHE SAYS,
WE'RE HAVING A
"SLEEP OVER" TONIGHT
AND
YOU'RE INVITED!"
AND IMMEDIATELY
HSR HAS FEELINGS
LIKE THIS...
AND...
LIKE
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE,
EVEN IN AMSTERDAM...
"WHEN IT RAINS...IT POURS!"
Love Toothbrush®
"The Sun's so hot that...
now I can
believe that stuff about
"Global Warming!""
Hello, there!
My name is
Dentalia Fictionala!...
and I am a...
Tooth Fairy!...
...or at least one of them!
And I have a special job where,
when called upon,
I secretly exchange
a Child's tooth that has
otherwise fallen out,
for something of Real
or Sentimental,
or Cultural, or may be even After Life
value!
I usually am requested
by a complying Parent to bring
Momentos
of one
kind
or
another! And
sometimes I get notes
of Appreciation from
Happy Kids!
But,
Nowadays,
especially in Western Countries,
a number of kids
don't want the
Small Money stuff...
...they go for the
big, bigger,
and
biggest
Options!
But,
those expenses are totally
funded by the
"All Mighty and
Deep-Pocketed"
Parents!
So when a child's tooth falls out
unless I'm
Overloaded with Clients
I,
sometimes with Associates,
retrieve a tooth
and replace it with
the requested item(s)!
Some people,
however,
have tried to fool me
with
Garlic!
That is not nice, People!
and it's bad Karma
to trick the
Tooth Fairy!
There are Karma Fairies
that may try to
"Rebalance The Imbalanced Equation!"
Now, there is room
for all Tooth Fairies...
with some having
different
features and
attributes
and all,
but,
and I repeat,
we do not take out
any teeth!...
...no matter
how loose teeth are!
...We do not control that process!
And we don't check for any
Dental Health Signs, either!
And,
you can best believe that
there is a
story behind each and every
Lost Baby Tooth!
Yes!...some kids
have no problem
telling you about it...
...all day!
Now,
I do remind parents
to leave the
tooth near
the edge of the pillow...
so if a child starts
to wake up,
I might have to use
some means,
like Fairy Dust...
for me to remain undetectable!
Now,
I at least go over
all requests for my services,
but when people want me for
things other
than Baby Tooth Stuff,
like this guy
I almost invariably decline!
I have enough business,
so I can't
fool around,
except on vacations!
Then,
I hang out with my
BFF (Best Fairy Forever)!...
Or I just enjoy
all of the
Natural Things
in Nature!
I do have a Sister that
covers many parts of
Southern Europe,
and
another one that
frequents
the North and South Pole Areas!
And there's even one that
operates during
Halloween Time Tooth Loss!
And...for sure...during the Daylight
I need to get my
Beauty Rest!
...I need to stay on top
of My Game!...
because
"A Tooth Fairy's Job
Is Never Done!"...
So, now,
if you'll please excuse me...
I'm off to Work!...
May you have many...
...I'm sort of like a Tooth Fairy,
but,
I deal in Love...
So I guess that I'm a
Love Fairy!
And my job is
harder than many
people think!
Because some people want love,
where they really don't
stand a chance of getting it!
And others want Love from someone else,
when all they really need
is for them to start
Loving themselves!
So,
when I initiate the "Start Of Love Sequences,"
I need to see the right justifications,
because
on the Coin, Love is on
one side,
and "You Know What" is on the other!...
..."Hollywood just got me this
Kimono, but
He hasn't given it to me yet, and
he doesn't
know that I have it!
OMGosh...is that him?
I've got to hide!"...
..."Whoa!
You have been my only
Coffee Customer today!
...four times!
And I want to offer you a
Thank You!
..."So HSR...
what did you do
next on those Stormy Seas?"...
...smiles!
"Doctor Report!
All of my friends said
"Thanks" for
coming to the Party!
And they Loved the way
you wore
that Lamp Shade
as a hat!
If we throw
another Party...
...will you be the
"Life"
of it again?"
"One Era finishes...and
another Era starts!
...Then repeat!...
Let's get out of here!"
"There HSR is
in the
"Cool Dip Pool!"...
I think that
I'll go on over
and
give his shivering self...
a towel!"
"Doctor Report!...
...Do you make Deals?"
And Doctor Report says,
"Left and Right!"
"Good Morning, Agent HSR!...
I have come across some
important intelligence...
...Rogue Agents from
Blogostovia are on their way here
for
a Mission that seems to be
"Shady!"
...Agent Report!...
Why are you Smiling about that?"
"Hello, Young Lady!
Thanks for trying on the outfit
for my Fashion Show!
How does it feel on you?"
"There's ample room for
all of my parts!...
And
I feel freer that ever before!
There's a lightness to
me and
my every move!
Sir, did you design this?"
"No, but,
you bring out a simplicity
and a sophistication
that
very few models
seem to have!
It's refreshing to see a
Non-Mannequin!"
"Thank you, Sir!...
This Summer Show coming up,
I hear,
will be
the Biggest Ever!
May I ask how I will be paid for my
Modeling Services?"
"Yes...
you may ask!"
"HSR is walking this way now!...
And when he comes a little closer,
I'm going to jump out and say,
"Boo!"...
And then he'll act scared,
and see me
and hug me real tight...
just like last time!"
"A third of a millimeter lower...
with my scaler...
...that's it!...
...Perfect!"
