...Jus' Checkin' Ya!"
"With so many Halloween Parties
coming up,
the only thing I want
HSR to be is
With Me!"
"With this Potion
I can be like
a Real Woman
with HSR for
Three Days
and Three Nights!...
Goodie!...here He comes Now!"
"The only thing that
I'm scared of
this Halloween is
Not Seeing You A lot!"
"Hi there,...Come On In!...
and be careful!...
This Halloween may
bring out the Crazies!...
But come
and hang around
Me!...
...and I
Will Protect You!
"I'm so fast that
before you see me in
the next picture,
I will run to Hollywood,
...Kiss Him
on his Cheek...
"Hi there...I want to give HSR
a Message...
...in Person!"
"Well,
look who is
"Knocking at the
Door of Opportunity!"
to be First!"
...Dr. Report!...
I still remember the very
first time we met,
when you started
Dental School!...
...You were so frightened...
and...
...you squeezed me so tight...
and then,
you just kept your
arms around me,
and,
now we're
"Ghoulish FWB!"
...HSR!...
I'm Hosting one
of your Parties coming soon!
I want everything to be Perfect,
and,
I want to be
the one that
You appreciate the Most!"
"Anyone seen Hollywood?...
I want to
"This Special Time of The Year
is Here!...and
so am I!
Now...what
shall I do first?"
"Hey, Baby!...
you and your
"I like to be Pleasantly Tricked
and Nicely Treated"
smiles
are
being "Heavenly Hypnotized"
by a
Beautiful Lady!
Today's Ghoulish Tale is
brought to you by an
incessant Swarm of Bats
speaking in their own
"Tongues Of Echo Location!"
"I must say Hollywood...
one
Good Bite...
In this World...
Nobody's Perfect!
But HSR "Really Ain't Perfect!"...
He fails at a lot of Stuff!
But the Ladies Still Love Him!...Why?
..I don't know!
But I do know that
pumping gasoline
is very Serious Business...
not to be
taken lightly!
Some woman checking out
Hollywood has
"Squirting" on her mind!
But Beware!...Gasoline is Dangerous!
It's made
to
Explode!
Please pay attention when
driving off
after pumping!...
And if _ _ _ _ goes
really wrong...
...Run!...
for your Life!
This Older Lady mistakenly
washes her windows
with Gas instead
of water...But
A
Sharp-eyed HSR
saves
a lot of People's Day!
Thank Goodness!
But HSR finds hisself in a big quandary...again!
HE IS FALLING SHORT ON HIS
TUITION PAYMENTS TO
USC DENTAL
SCHOOL,
SO HE MUST COME
UP WITH A PLAN...
HE HEARD ABOUT A CONTEST FOR
A MILLION
DOLLARS TO ANYONE
WHO CAN COMPLETE
A JOURNEY
THROUGH
"THE SCARIEST FOREST IN THE WORLD!"
AND
THE CONTEST IS PUT ON BY
THIS
PERSON(?)...
"HE IS ONE SCARY DUDE," EVERYONE SAYS!
NO ONE
HAS YET
TO EMERGE
INTACT AND ALIVE
AND OF SANE MIND
TO WIN THE MONEY
IN PREVIOUS CONTESTS...
BUT,
HSR IS REALLY HARD UP
AND
SEES NO OTHER WAY
TO COMPLETE
HIS DENTAL SCHOOLING...SO...
HE TELLS HIMSELF,
"IF I MAKE IT THROUGH,
AND WIN THE MONEY,
I AIN'T GONNA
THROW IT AWAY
DOWN
THE DRAIN!...
I'MA PAY
FOR SCHOOL!"
SO, THE CONTEST IS
HELD IN,
OF ALL PLACES...
THE BEAUTIFUL
AND HISTORIC,
AND,
STILL WELL-FORESTED
AND STILL
IN MANY PLACES...
...MYSTERIOUS!...
WHERE PEOPLE DON'T GO...
...TRANSYLVANIA!
"I HEAR THAT THIS
DRACULA DUDE
LIVES THERE
AND THAT
HE HAS
"SMOOTH WAYS"
AND HAS A BIG
FAN CLUB!" THINKS HSR, "BUT,
I'VE GOT TO STAY
DETERMINED AND
COMPLETE THIS MISSION,
AND WIN THAT MONEY!"
SO
AFTER MAKING IT
OVER THERE,
AND GETTING REGISTERED
TO START,
THE RACE SPONSOR COMES
OVER TO HSR
AND SAYS,
"HSR...I'VE
HEARD ABOUT YOU!...
YOU AND
EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE
WILL TRY AND CROSS THE
"CROOKED FOREST"...
AMONG OTHER AREAS
...OVER THE DAYS...AND...NIGHTS!...
AND THERE 'S A FULL
MOON AROUND NOW!...
...ALTHOUGH THERE
ARE NEFARIOUS
CLOUDS THAT
WILL TRY AND
INTERVENE!
NOW,
YOU ALL WILL
START ON THE WEST SIDE
OF THE LARGE
"FORBIDDEN FOREST"
AND TRAVEL
DUE EAST TO THE
OTHER SIDE!"
AND THE SPONSOR CONTINUES,
"THERE WILL BE
DANGEROUS SITUATIONS
THAT YOU WILL
COME ACROSS!
IT'S OKAY TO
HIDE IN SOME
OF THE HOUSES THAT YOU WILL
SEE IF
YOU DARE!...
AND I WARN YOU!...MOVING THROUGH
IN THE DAYLIGHT
WILL GIVE YOU NO
ADVANTAGE OVER NIGHT TRAVEL...
BUT...YOU'LL SEE
FOR YOURSELVES!"...
NOW,
THE CONTESTANTS ARE TOLD
TO GET READY
TO START:
"ON YOUR MARKS...
GET SET...
GO!"...COMMANDS THE SPONSOR!...
AND WITH THAT
ALL OF THEM SPRINT FORWARD
AND THEY
SEE SOME SLOW-MOVING
ZOMBIES, AND THEY ALL
QUICKLY
RUN AROUND THEM!
NOW, THE NINE SPLIT UP,
AND GO THEIR
OWN WAYS EAST!
OKAY,
SO,
HSR
HEADS EAST...
ACCORDING TO HIS
TRUSTY COMPASS!
AND AS HSR MOVES FAST,
HE HARDLY ENJOYS THE BEAUTY
OF THE
FORESTS!
AND HE AVOIDS A COUPLE OF OTHER
SLOW-MOVING
ZOMS!
"OH...WHAT'S THIS?...
A DEER!"
THINKS HSR...
AND AS HE TROTS ALONG
UP AHEAD...
"WHAT'S THAT?...A
SO HE KEEPS UP A PACE
THROUGH THE FOREST
BUT,
AFTER A WHILE...
THE SUN STARTS TO
GET
LOWER IN THE SKY!
AND IN A LITTLE WHILE,
THE DARKNESS
"OMG!" THINKS HSR
AS HE ALMOST RELIEVES HISSELF IN
HIS PANTS...BUT
IT'S ONLY
ANOTHER DEER!
"TO BE SAFE FROM
ROBBERS OR WHATEVER,"
HSR SAYS TO HIMSELF,
"I THINK THAT I'LL
STAY OFF THE ROAD!"
BUT SUDDENLY,
HSR HEARS THE
LOUD SCREAMS OF
TWO PEOPLE FROM
DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS!
"UH OH!" SAYS HSR
AS HE CAREFULLY STEPS
WITH A QUICKENED CAUTION...
NOW,
THE NIGHT SOUNDS
OF THE DARK
MAKE THEMSELVES HEARD!
THE,
HE COMES TO A DEEP GORGE!
SO HE WALKS ALONG
THE SIDE OF IT,
AND GETS TO A BRIDGE!
AND AS HE STARTS
TO CROSS
THE STURDY-LOOKING
BRIDGE,
HSR FINDS OUT THAT...
IT'S NOT SO STURDY
BECAUSE,
IT JUST FALLS APART!
OMG!
THERE ARE
HUNGRY ZOMBIES
WAITING
FOR HIM BELOW!...
SO,
HSR HANGS BY A ROPE,
AND IT TAKES A WHILE
BUT HE
FINALLY
EXTRICATES HIMSELF
FROM THAT
DEADLY DILEMMA!
AND THE OWLS ARE
"WHO-ING UP A
BIG NOISE!
NOW, WOULDN'T
YOU KNOW IT...
IT STARTS TO
LIGHTENING AND THUNDER,
AND A
CELESTIAL
EXPLOSION TAKES PLACE...BEFORE
IT STARTS TO
POUR DOWN RAIN!
WOW!...SO AFTER MANY HOURS
OF WALKING AND
ALMOST
TRIPPING,
AND,
AVOIDING THESE GUYS,
...HERE COME THE
BATS!...OR MAYBE...
...VAMPIRES!
AND AFTER WALKING
FROM SCARY PLACE
TO SCARY PLACE,
HE WANTS SO BADLY
TO SIT DOWN...
...AND REST!...
AND JUST AS
HE IS ABOUT TO
SIT DOWN AGAINST A TREE...
A WOMAN CALLS OUT TO HIM,
"SIR...YOU MUST NOT REST NOW...
...COME WITH ME...
I WANT TO HELP!
PLEASE...
FOLLOW ME!
AND THEY WALK
WITH OUT TALKING,
MORE INTO THE DARK
FOREST,
AND HSR SEES A SEETHING
MONSTER WATCHING THEM...
MAYBE GETTING
READY TO POUNCH!
UNTIL...
SHE TURNS AND TELLS HSR,
"FOLLOW ME INTO THE
"DOORWAY OF LIGHT!"
SO,
THEY BOTH WALK IN...
AND THEN
IT CLOSES
BEHIND THEM!
" When we Trick or Treat...
are we getting
"Something for Nothing?"...
...Or Not?"
Zachary the Zombie
is deep in thought...
"Gee!...
There's this Halloween Party
coming up, and
I gotta get it just right!
I gotta get my "Grill" on!
I think I'll check out
a Dentist!"
So, one day,
as he
makes his way on over,
he passes by a friend
named Ernie Masticater!
"Hey, Ernie,
I'm going to the
Dentist today!"
And Ernie replies,
"Oooh...Pain!...Just make sure
that you're worse off
when he or she finishes,
for the "Funky Look!"
"Thanks of the tip," says
Zachary the Zombie!
So, after that,
he gets
on a bus and
then a
subway!
Then, he waits at another
Bus Stop.
Then,
this kid comes up
to Zachary and says,
"Hey, "Boo"
to you,
"Mister Ugly!"" and then
the kid runs away!
And Zachary thinks,
"One day, that
kid will make
a Fine Surgeon!...
"Zach!...Whatchadoin'," says
this Zom.
"Ah, just goin' to the Dentist
to get my Teeth fixed
for the Parties!" says Zachary...
"Good move," says the guy, "the
Lady Zoms will
Love it!"
Then Zachary
continues on...
Now,
he's finally there,
but,
before he walks in
he works up his
Okay,
then
he enters the place
And he is shown in
and takes a seat
in the Dental Chair
But before he reaches the Chair,
he sees
someone
"Clowning Around!"
Doctor Sal!...a guy or a Zombie, or
whatever he is,
wants to see
you
to get his teeth
more like a Zombie!...
and he's willing to
pay the Bucks!" says one Assistant.
"I don't know," says
Dr. Sal, "let's see if Doctor
Dentura wants to give it a Shot!"
So the Assistant goes
to the other
Dentist...
"Doctor Dentura!...there's a
Strange Patient
waiting to see you!"
"Okay," replies Doctor Dentura,
"This time of year...the
stranger the better...especially
if he's a Stranger!...Ha ha!"
Yes!...Dr. Dentura has
a Strange Sense of Humor!
So,
he finishes up
one patient,
and then he sees Zachary!
"Well, Sir, looking at
your X-rays,
your teeth
are in very good shape!
What would you like me
to do with them?
"First, Doc!...Are You a
Zombie Dentist?," asks Zachary, "I ask because
I want someone who
understands my needs!... I
had one nice Lady Doctor,
but
she
moved!"
"Now," continues Zachary,
"there's this Lady that
I like and,
I want to get her
attention! She
likes "Hardcore Guys,"
like Billy
Snatch!
and Boris
Toobadinoff!"
"Well," says Dr. Dentura,
"I've done what you're asking for
a couple of times,
and you might
need Antibiotics afterward,
but,
I think that you might
like the results!...
But,
and you should know this...
...that the Procedures that
you're asking for
are
"Not Reversible!"
"I'm ready for "The Change," Doc!"
Zachary swears!
So,
Dr. Dentura gives Zachary
some Consents to sign,
and then
a shot to fall asleep,
then,
he begins his work!
And Zachary
starts to dream and
sees a
Quiet Place!
Then another vision
appears, and this Lady says,
"Come to me...
and I will Love you
Forever!"
So,
Dr. Dentura works
frantically...
doing his best techniques...
...and he remembers some methods
from a
a previous Instructor!
...and he spares
no Effort!
And,
after a long stint,
his assistant says,
"Doctor...you made
a Masterpiece!"
Now,
Zachary
sees hisself in the mirror
and says,
"OMGosh, Doc!...You did it!
How can I ever repay you?"
"Your Credit Card worked, so
I'm paid!" smiles Dr. Dentura!
And wouldn't you know it...
a couple of months later,
Zachary sent the
Doctor a picture of
Him and his New Love
vacationing in the Bahamas!
"Dr. Dentura...you made my
Look and Life So Great...Thanks again!
...Signed, Zach and Sweet Tooth!"
Now, Dr Dentura has
more business
with this
"Strange Demographic"
than he
can handle!
"Well, who did you
expect...
Santa Claus?"
"There is a War brewing
between the Worlds!...
But the
Enemy is Strong!"
May you have many...
..."I am here to
save the
homo cybergraphicus Hollywood'
from threats
in His World...
Don't believe me?...
Check My Authentic
"Sign Of The Cybergraphicus Spider!"...
..."Doctor "V" Report!
I think that we
are going to just
Love the Choices at this
Restaurant!...
They have Vintage Types
O, A, B, AB,
and
Sriracha Hemo!"...
..."With my new eyepiece,
actually see
the Cerebral Mechanisms
and Pathways
and Processes
in "HVR's" Mind
evolving Real Time!...
But I must say
that
I really like it the Most
when
there's
a little
Mystery involved!...
..."Please join me!...
...it's My Time of Year!"...
...smiles!
"This will be
"My Entrance" to
Hollywood's Gig
this weekend!"
"This is no Costume!...
I really am
as Sweet as an ________ !"
"HSR!...We must leave now
...before the
"I train My Body
to follow
the Commands of My Mind...
Will Fall!"
There they are, Girlfriends!
Do you think that
they'll like us?"
"Hey guys!...There are too many
Fine Ladies here!
How are we going to...
..."Hey, shut up, Fool!...you
knew this going in!"
"Yes!...That one with the
Shaven Head is Mine!
"havta" see about that!"
...Meanwhile...Back At The Place Where The Sun Don't Shine!...
"OMG!...
Dr. Vamp Report!...
You Scared Me!...
You're wearing a
White Cape!...How Unusual!...
""Vampella!...
I just wanted to
change up a little!
Do you like it?"...
"It's very unusual...
but...
so are you!
But...
When I have to walk
across a puddle,
the White Cape will
get soiled, right?"
"Aww, don't worry about that!...
I have something for it!
And anyway...
You're
worth it in every way!...
You know
how I feel about us,
My Lady!"
"You always know how to bring out
the Best in me, "HVR"...
Would you like us to
go to
Your Coffin...
Or Mine?"
"Yes, My HVR!
My Outfit is the
Perfect Match
for your
White Cape!"
"Doctor Hollywood Vampire Report!...
I have something
in the "Shadows" to
show you!...
I know you'll love it!"
"Hey, Hollywood!...
why don't we go and frolic
in the
"G-Yard!""
"Sure, Honey...Let's Go!"
"I just love the
Taste of
Plaque's
Microbiological Necks!"
Dental Hygiene Wars!
"Go ahead and try
you Hygienist!...
...But...
...You'll never defeat
all of us!"
Dentistry And Second Life
Dental Fairy Tales
A Thousand And One Dental Nights
Adventures In Dentistry
Dental Stories
The Greatest Dentist Of All Time!
