DR. REPORT, IN THE
MIDST OF HIS EDUCATION,
IS FINDING HIMSELF
FALLING WAY SHORT ON HIS
MIDST OF HIS EDUCATION,
IS FINDING HIMSELF
FALLING WAY SHORT ON HIS
SCHOOL BILL PAYMENTS TO
USC DENTAL
SO,
HE NEEDS MONEY!...
...AND FAST!...
BUT,
AS IF BY LUCK,
HE HEARS
ABOUT A CONTEST FOR
A MILLION
BUCKS TO ANYONE
WHO CAN
MAKE IT THROUGH
"THE SCARIEST FOREST IN THE WORLD!"
AND
THIS CONTEST
IS PUT ON BY
THIS
PERSON(?)...
"HE IS ONE SCARY DUDE," EVERYONE SAYS!
NO ONE
HAS YET
TO EMERGE
INTACT AND ALIVE
AND OF SANE MIND
TO WIN THE MONEY
IN PREVIOUS CONTESTS...
BUT,
THE DENTIST IS REALLY HARD UP
AND
SEES NO OTHER WAY
TO COMPLETE
HIS DENTAL SCHOOLING...SO...
HE TELLS HIMSELF,
"IF I MAKE IT THROUGH,
AND WIN THE MONEY,
I AIN'T GONNA
THROW IT AWAY
DOWN
THE DRAIN!...
I'MA PAY
FOR MY SCHOOLING!"
SO,
THE CONTEST IS
HELD IN,
OF ALL PLACES...
THE BEAUTIFUL
AND HISTORIC,
AND,
STILL WELL-FORESTED,
AND STILL
IN MANY PLACES...
...MYSTERIOUS!...
WHERE PEOPLE DON'T GO...
...THE ONE AND ONLY,
...TRANSYLVANIA!
"I HEAR THAT THIS
DRACULA DUDE
LIVES THERE
AND THAT
HE HAS
"SMOOTH WAYS"
AND HAS A BIG
FAN CLUB!," HE THINKS, "BUT,
I'VE GOT TO STAY
COMPLETE THIS MISSION,
AND WIN THAT MONEY!"
SO,
AFTER
FLYING THERE,
AND GETTING REGISTERED
TO START,
THE RACE SPONSOR COMES
OVER TO THE DR.
AND SAYS,
"HEY DOC...I'VE
HEARD ABOUT YOU!...
...YOU AND
EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE
WILL TRY AND CROSS THE
'CROOKED FOREST'...
AMONG OTHER AREAS,
OVER THE DAYS...AND...NIGHTS!...
AND THERE 'S A FULL
AND RARE MOON AROUND NOW!...
...ALTHOUGH THERE
ARE NEFARIOUS
CLOUDS THAT
WILL TRY AND
INTERVENE!
NOW,
YOU ALL WILL
START ON THE WEST SIDE
OF THE LARGE
"FORBIDDEN FOREST"
AND TRAVEL
DUE EAST TO THE
OTHER SIDE!"
AND THE SPONSOR CONTINUES,
"THERE WILL BE
DANGEROUS SITUATIONS
THAT YOU WILL
COME ACROSS!
AND,
IT'S OKAY TO
HIDE IN SOME
OF THE HOUSES THAT YOU WILL
SEE IF
YOU DARE!...
AND I WARN YOU!...MOVING THROUGH
IN THE DAYLIGHT
WILL GIVE YOU
NO
ADVANTAGE OVER NIGHT TRAVEL...
BUT...YOU'LL SEE
FOR YOURSELVES!"...
NOW,
THE CONTESTANTS ARE TOLD
TO GET READY
TO START:
"ON YOUR MARKS...
GET SET...
GO!"...COMMANDS THE SPONSOR!...
AND WITH THAT
ALL OF THEM SPRINT FORWARD
AND THEY ALL FIRST
SEE SOME SLOW-MOVING
ZOMBIES, AND THEY ALL
QUICKLY
RUN AROUND THEM!
NOW, THE NINE SPLIT UP,
AND GO THEIR
OWN WAYS EAST!
OKAY,
SO,
THE DENTAL STUDENT
HEADS EAST...
ACCORDING TO HIS
TRUSTY COMPASS!
AND AS HE MOVES FAST,
HE HARDLY ENJOYS THE BEAUTY
OF THE
FORESTS!
AND HE AVOIDS A COUPLE OF OTHER
SLOW-MOVING
ZOMS!
"OH...WHAT'S THIS?...
A DEER!"
HE SAYS...
AND,
AS HE TROTS ALONG
UP AHEAD...
"WHAT'S THAT?...A
SO HE KEEPS UP A PACE
THROUGH THE FOREST
BUT,
AFTER A WHILE...
THE SUN STARTS TO
GET
LOWER IN THE SKY!
AND IN A LITTLE WHILE,
THE DARKNESS
"OMG!" HE THINKS
AS HE ALMOST RELIEVES HISSELF IN
HIS PANTS...BUT
IT'S ONLY
ANOTHER DEER!
"TO BE SAFE FROM
ROBBERS OR WHATEVER,"
HE SAYS TO HIMSELF,
"I THINK THAT I'LL
STAY OFF THE ROAD!"
BUT SUDDENLY,
HE HEARS THE
LOUD SCREAMS OF
TWO PEOPLE FROM
DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS!
"UH OH!" SAYS DR. REPORT
AS HE CAREFULLY STEPS
WITH A QUICKENED CAUTION...
NOW,
THE NIGHT SOUNDS
OF THE DARK
MAKE THEMSELVES HEARD!
THEN,
HE COMES TO A DEEP GORGE!
SO HE WALKS ALONG
THE SIDE OF IT,
AND FINALLY GETS TO A BRIDGE!
AND
AS
HE STARTS
TO CROSS
THE STURDY-LOOKING
BRIDGE,
HSR FINDS OUT THAT...
IT'S NOT SO STURDY
BECAUSE,
IT JUST FALLS APART!
OMG!
THERE ARE
HUNGRY ZOMBIES
WAITING
FOR HIM BELOW!...
SO,
HSR HANGS BY A ROPE,
AND IT TAKES A WHILE
BUT HE
FINALLY
EXTRICATES HIMSELF
FROM THAT
DEADLY DILEMMA,
AND MOVES ON!...
AND THE OWLS ARE
"WHO-WHO-ING UP A
BIG NOISE!
NOW, WOULDN'T
YOU KNOW IT...
IT STARTS TO
LIGHTENING AND THUNDER,
A BUNCH,
AND A
VISIBLE CELESTIAL
EXPLOSION TAKES PLACE...BEFORE
IT STARTS TO
POUR DOWN RAIN!
WOW!...SO AFTER MANY HOURS
OF WALKING AND
ALMOST
TRIPPING,
AND,
AVOIDING THESE GUYS,
...HERE COME THE
BATS!...OR MAYBE...
...VAMPIRES!
AND AFTER WALKING
FROM SCARY PLACE
TO SCARY PLACE,
HE WANTS SO BADLY
TO SIT DOWN...
...AND REST!...
AND JUST AS
HE IS ABOUT TO
SIT DOWN AGAINST A TREE...
A WOMAN CALLS OUT TO HIM,
"SIR...YOU MUST NOT REST NOW...
...COME WITH ME...
I WANT TO HELP!
PLEASE...
FOLLOW ME!
AND THEY WALK
WITHOUT TALKING,
MORE INTO THE DARK
FOREST,
AND HE SEES A SEETHING
MONSTER WATCHING THEM...
...MAYBE GETTING
READY TO POUNCH!
UNTIL...
SHE TURNS AND TELLS HIM,
"FOLLOW ME INTO THE
"DOORWAY OF LIGHT!"
SO,
THEY BOTH WALK IN...
AND THEN
IT CLOSES
BEHIND THEM!
NOW,
AS HE WALKS
INTO THE 'DOOR OF LIGHT,'
HE EXPERIENCES
SOME STRANGE
TRANSITIONS
THAT
TO THIS PLACE
AND A PERSON APPEARS!...
AND SHE SAYS,
"DR. HOLLYWOOD!...YOU ARE IN DANGER!"...
AND HE SAYS BACK,
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM...
OR EVEN,
WHO YOU ARE!
I WAS IN A REAL
FOREST, BUT NOW...
EVERYTHING SEEMS...
...LIKE A FANTASY!"
"STEP BACK, SIR...NOW!" SHE COMMANDS,
AS SHE IMMEDIATELY FIRES AN ARROW
TAKING DOWN
AN ADVERSARY,
THAT HE
DOESN'T
EVEN SEE!...
AND SHE FIRES
MORE AND MORE OF
HER MAGICAL ARROWS,
WHICH HIT THINGS THAT GIVE
'SOUL-CURDLING SHOUTS!
"WE MUST CROSS THIS FOREST
UNTIL WE COME TO THE LIGHT!
SO THEY WALK FOR WHAT
SEEMS LIKE
MILES AND MILES!...
PASSING PLACES LIKE THIS
AND THIS
ALL THE WHILE,
THE WOMAN
SHOOTS OUT ARROWS
TO NEUTRALIZE AN ENEMY
THAT THE DR. CAN'T EVEN SEE
BUT SHE CAN...
OMGOSH, SO, THEY
FINALLY GET THERE!...
...TO THE
'AREA OF LIGHT!
NOW THE WOMAN
TURNS TO HIM AND SPEAKS,
"THE ONLY WAY TO GET TO WHERE
YOU NEED TO BE IS
TO
SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND FALL BACKWARD
WITH TRUST!...
AND
YOU WILL 'SHOW UP'
IN A BETTER PART
OF THE FOREST!.
AND HE ASKS,
"WILL I BE ANY CLOSER
TO THE FINISH LINE?"
AND THE WIOMAN SAYS,
"NO, BUT DANGER
WON'T BE SO CLOSE TO YOU!...
I'M GOING TO HOLD OFF
'THESE PLOTTERS AND
SCHEMERS'
AS MUCH AS I CAN...
NOW,
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND FALL BACK...
...NOW!"
SO,
THE DENTIST, FEELING THAT
THE ENEMY IS COMING CLOSER,
CLOSES HIS EYES
AND TRUSTINGLY
FALLS BACK,
THEN HE
WHAT SEEMS LIKE NEW DIMENSIONS AND
WHEN THE COLORS
STOP, HE FINDS HIMSELF HERE!
"THIS IS
NOT TOO DIFFERENT
FROM WHERE
I JUST WAS," HE THINKS,
AND SELF-ASKS,
"SHOULD I GO THAT
WAY?"
THEN SUDDENLY,
AN APPARITION STARTS TO FORM IN FRONT OF HIM
AND THIS LADY SAYS,
"TRAVELER TO THE END OF THE FOREST!"
I KNOW THAT
YOU ARE THIRSTY!
...YOU ONLY
NEED TO DRINK
THE WATER BEHIND ME TO
BE ABLE TO
REACH 'THE END!'"
NOW HSR THINKS,
"I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THAT SHE SAID, 'THE END!'"
SO,
HE GLANCES BACK
HER WAY, BUT...
SHE'S NOW...GONE!
"WELL, I'M NOT THAT THIRSTY
ANYWAY," GULPS HSR!
BUT,
RIGHT THEN,
HE FEELS THAT SOMETHING
IS CLOSE TO HIM!...AND HE
QUICKLY SPINS AROUND AND
OH, NO!...
IT'S HIM!...
...DRACULA!
"GOOD NIGHT, HERE,
'FOREST CROSSER!,'
SAYS
THE COUNT...AND DRACULA
STARES AND
"EITHER MEET YOUR MAKER
IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES...OR...
COME WITH ME!"
AND HSR SAYS,
"I DON'T THINK THAT'S MUCH
OF A CHOICE!"
AND THE COUNT SAYS,
"I KNOW THAT YOU'RE
VERY HUNGRY!...
WHY
DON'T WE
COME TO MY PLACE
FOR A COUPLE
OF BITES!...HA, HA, HA!"
THEN,
DRACULA TURNS HIMSELF AND DR. REPORT
INTO BATS,
AND THEY BOTH FLY TO HIS,
ERR,
HOSPITABLE
PLACE!...
AND WHEN
THEY LAND THERE,
HOLLYWOOD REPORT SEES
SOME STRANGE STUFF!
NOW, HE ASKS DRACULA,
"CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM?"
AND THE COUNT SAYS,
"SURE, SIR...JUST GO DOWN
THAT HALL WAY
AND
IT'S
THE FIRST DOOR ON YOUR RIGHT!"
...
"OH BOY," ...LAMENTS HSR..."I AIN'T GOING
ALL THE WAY
TO THE DOOR IN THAT
DARKNESS!...
I'MA STOP SHORT
OF THE DOOR...
...RIGHT HERE!"...
AND HE STARTS
TO FEEL SOME RELIEF!...BUT...THEN...
HE HEARS VERY DEEP GRUMBLING NOISES
WHICH MAKE THE CAVE WALLS
SHAKE A LITTLE...
SO,
HE STOPS
TURNS AND
HEADS BACK OUTSIDE,
BUT,
WHEN HE GETS THERE,
DRACULA...
HAS GONE SOMEWHERE...
"OKAY...
...LET'S CHECK OUT
THE PLACE A LITTLE!",
HE THINKS......
AS HE STARTS
TO WALK ON THE CASTLE GROUNDS
HE SEES
SOME HIGHLY UNUSUAL THINGS,
SOME, OF WHICH...
SEEM TO BE...
...ALIVE!
WHOA!...
A COUPLE LOOKS NICE TOGETHER
ON
ONE SIDE OF THE GARDEN...
...AND ANOTHER TWO ARE JUST
DANCING UP A
STORM!
THEN,
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
A PERSON SWOOSHES BY...
AND ASKS,
"HAVE YOU SEEN MY
FRIEND, FRANKIE, WITH THE GLASSES?"
NEXT, HE
APPROACHES
A DOOR
OF THE CASTLE,
AND,
A PERSON AT THE DOOR
LOOKS AT HIM AND SAYS,
"PLEASE COME IN AND
PARTAKE OF THE SENSES!...
...YOU NEVER KNOW
WHAT'S
AROUND THE
'NEXT CORNER!'"
AND SHE
TAKES HIM
BY THE ARM
AND
WALKS INSIDE
THE CASTLE
WITH HIM,
AND,
THE FIRST DOOR
THAT THEY COME TO
ON THE SIDE,
SHE SAYS,
"PLEASE WALK
THROUGH THIS DOOR...SIR!"
"CAN'T I JUST STAY WITH YOU?,"
BEGS HSR!...
"YOU FLATTER ME!...
YOUNG MAN!...
BUT
YOU CAN PROBABLY HAVE A BETTER
CHANCE OF STAYING ALIVE...
...IF YOU DO GO IN!"...
SO THE RELUCTANT DENTIST
TO WALK ON THE CASTLE GROUNDS
HE SEES
SOME HIGHLY UNUSUAL THINGS,
SOME, OF WHICH...
SEEM TO BE...
...ALIVE!
WHOA!...
A COUPLE LOOKS NICE TOGETHER
ON
ONE SIDE OF THE GARDEN...
...AND ANOTHER TWO ARE JUST
DANCING UP A
STORM!
THEN,
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
A PERSON SWOOSHES BY...
AND ASKS,
"HAVE YOU SEEN MY
FRIEND, FRANKIE, WITH THE GLASSES?"
NEXT, HE
APPROACHES
A DOOR
OF THE CASTLE,
AND,
A PERSON AT THE DOOR
LOOKS AT HIM AND SAYS,
"PLEASE COME IN AND
...YOU NEVER KNOW
WHAT'S
AROUND THE
'NEXT CORNER!'"
AND SHE
TAKES HIM
BY THE ARM
AND
WALKS INSIDE
THE CASTLE
WITH HIM,
AND,
THE FIRST DOOR
THAT THEY COME TO
ON THE SIDE,
SHE SAYS,
"PLEASE WALK
THROUGH THIS DOOR...SIR!"
"CAN'T I JUST STAY WITH YOU?,"
BEGS HSR!...
"YOU FLATTER ME!...
YOUNG MAN!...
BUT
YOU CAN PROBABLY HAVE A BETTER
CHANCE OF STAYING ALIVE...
...IF YOU DO GO IN!"...
SO THE RELUCTANT DENTIST
GRASPS THE DOOR HANDLE AND
SLOWLY TURNS THE KNOB
AND JUST BARELY CRACKS
THE DOOR OPEN...
...JUST ENOUGH TO PEEP THROUGH AND...
HE ASKS HIMSELF,
"WHAT IS GOING..."
AND JUST RIGHT THEN,
A STRONG HAND
TIGHTLY GRABS HIS
WRIST!...AND
IT
STARTS TO
GRADUALLY
PULL HIM
IN TO WHAT VERY WELL
COULD BE A
'DEN OF INIQUI...'
...
SLOWLY TURNS THE KNOB
AND JUST BARELY CRACKS
THE DOOR OPEN...
...JUST ENOUGH TO PEEP THROUGH AND...
HE ASKS HIMSELF,
"WHAT IS GOING..."
AND JUST RIGHT THEN,
A STRONG HAND
TIGHTLY GRABS HIS
WRIST!...AND
IT
STARTS TO
GRADUALLY
PULL HIM
IN TO WHAT VERY WELL
COULD BE A
...
'DEN OF INIQUITY!'
...BUT MAINLY,
THERE'S A
BIG PARTY
GOING ON!
BUT WHEN
THINGS START TO GET
TOO
FREAKY... LIKE...
...THIS WOMAN SAYING,
I HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO
ENTERTAIN YOU!"...HE
TRIES TO FIND
AN EXIT...IN A HURRY!...
...BUT...
HE RUNS INTO THIS 'THING'
AND SHE SAYS,
"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT
SLOW DANCING WITH ME FIRST!"
AND WITH THAT,
HE
TAKES OFF RUNNING
DOWN
A HALLWAY AND
HE SEES A POSSIBLE ROUTE OF
ESCAPE!...AND HE
GETS OUT OF THERE!
AND HE RUNS FOR
A LONG TIME!...
BUT HE FINALLY,
HE SITS DOWN...TIRED...
WITH HIS BODY METABOLISM
RACING,
AND HE SAYS,
"I'M GLAD THAT
I GOT
OUT OF THAT MESS...
...BUT...
WHICH WAY
IN THIS
'FREAKY FOREST'
SHALL I GO
FROM HERE?"
