checkin' out my Elf!...
Get your own!"
Get your own!"
"I always feel good
this time of year!"
"There you are!...I,
have some nice Warm Brownies and
Honeysuckle just for you!"
"Hi, my Dentist, Dr. Report....
don't tell me that you still
sit on Mrs. Claus's lap!"
This is the fourth year I've known you, Sir!
I met you about the time you started your blog here
and each year I notice a marked difference in your presentation style!
You dress up and preen your product
as if it is a Christmas tree or something...
...leaving nothin to chance,
and everything to whim!
"Hi there!...
Come in!"
"Hollywood, can you help me?
I was wondering...
get for Christmas?"
"OMG!...Dr. Report!
It's so good to finally see you,
come in,
but
your icy boots will track all kinds of stuff inside!
So...please!
"Hi there, Reader!
I'm your "Magnificent Moderator!"
But
we must conduct this session
while on the move!
and for a little suspense!"
"Ladies!
The Moment we have been waiting for!
But take your time...
No need to
rush...or
crowd!
"Hollywood,
I just love the "Winter Wonderland!"
I'll always remember when I first met you...
it was cold, dark, snowing...you know...really terrible!
...then...
and as if sent from above,
you knocked on the door of my isolated cabin...
with two arms full of firewood!
You really saved Me!"
"Hello there, "Moderator to the Stars!"
I have many things to say, but,
I'll just relate one thread!
Dr. Report,
There are so many things that I could choose as
a Christmas Present...
there are my needs and my wants,
which can come in all kinds of colors
with some of them being
gold and platinum plated and
with others being "souped-up"
or even simplified,
but the main thing I want for
Christmas
is a Dental Appointment in January!
"Hollywood, come on in!
I am just putting some more trimmings on the tree
There's some hot chocolate ready for you
And some marshmallows are right next to it!
I have a question...
Have you ever seen chestnuts roasting by an open fire?"
"Hollywood...my "Power Man!"...
you levitate me
like no one else can!"
Now...
you and your
"I accept all gifts with gratitude and thankfulness"
smiles
are so happy to be...
giving more than receiving
at this time of the year, but,
are there more people that want to receive
than want to give?
I'll do a test!...
What do people like most?
Well...throw a lot of it out of
the window of a car...
so it
rains, and see
the chaos
begin!
Welp, I found out the answer to that question!
Now, today, to get to the Episode,
you, Reader, are allowed to sit here
and watch,
but
each of you must get expressed and
written permission from this
person!
"Dr. Report!
We are here to protect, bodyguard, and escort you
to wherever
we
want to go!"
Oh, did I tell you about
the scraped body and bruised ego
that HSR suffered when he
tried to dive and
show off one way...
then another...
and also
when he ran out of
water!
Well, he didn't break a bone this time...
but,
people were still pointing and
laughing, anyway!
This message is brought to you by
your Community!
Warning!
HSR is caught in another
"hard-to-reconcile"conundrum...
of his own making!...
...of course!
When will that boy ever learn?
...
This time,
he starts some mess again when he goes to Glenna's
Florida Beach
Party...
in the blog post:
I'm Telling' Ya!...If You Don't Floss...Your Mouth's "Gonna Get _ _ _ _ed Up!"...
WHERE PEOPLE
ARE
JAMMIN'!
AND
THE DJ IS
PLAYIN' STUFF THAT'S
"SAUCY SWEET!"
THE PARTIERS ARE DEFINITELY TAKING THE INITIATIVE TO
DO THE "RUNNING MAN" AND
"GET ON DOWN!"...
...WITH THE POSE THEY CHOSE
...OR RATHER, CHOOSE!
EVEN IN THE WATER,
THEY ALWAYS FIND IT
EASY TO WIGGLE
TO THE BEAT!
AND, OH...IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE IS SCOPING OUT HSR
"HEY, HOLLYWOOD!
I'M SUPER GLAD THAT YOU CAN MAKE IT!
WATCH OUT!...SO MANY WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR YOU HERE!
...LIKE THAT LADY OVER THERE!...
WITH THE HIGH HEELS IN THE SAND!"
ANYWAY...YOU BETTER GO AND HIDE OUT
IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE...OR...
SOMETHIN'...
THEY'LL "WRING YOU DRY!" WARNS GLENNA.
"THANKS, GLENNA, FOR THE HEADS UP!...
YOU TOLD ME THE SAME THING LAST YEAR!...
I JUST MIGHT TAKE A LOOK
AROUND THE "BERMUDA TRIANGLE," THOUGH...
AND
MAYBE DISCOVER SOME SUNKEN TREASURE!" SAYS HSR...
"WELL, BE CAREFUL, MY "GOODWOOD,"
YOU KNOW I ALWAYS LIKE SEEING
YOU!...
I'MA "PEACE OUT" TO YOU, THOUGH!...
I'MA GET BACK TO THE PARTY, NOW...
...NEXT TIME, BRO!" SAYS GLEENA
AS SHE MINGLES WITH
NOW THIS LADY
COMES UP TO HSR AND SAYS,
EXCUSE ME, SIR, I OVERHEARD YOU
TALKING ABOUT EXPLORING
THE BERMUDA
YOU MAY WANT TO CHECK OUT THESE
SPECIAL COORDINATES:
"23 DEGREES LATITUDE NORTH,
69 DEGREES LONGITUDE WEST,"" INSTRUCTS THE LADY...
"HELLO THERE, PRETTY LADY!
MAYBE I'LL CHECK OUT
THOSE COORDINATES...HOW'D YOU GET THEM," ASKS HSR
"LET'S JUST SAY," CONTINUES THE LADY,
I'M A NUMEROLOGIST, AND THE POWER OF THE
NUMBER THREE,
WHICH SHOWS IN THAT LOCATION,
MAY HOLD A MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH FOR YOU!
PLASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU RETURN!"
ASKS THE MYSTERIOUS
LADY...
69 DEGREES LONGITUDE WEST,"" INSTRUCTS THE LADY...
"HELLO THERE, PRETTY LADY!
MAYBE I'LL CHECK OUT
THOSE COORDINATES...HOW'D YOU GET THEM," ASKS HSR
"LET'S JUST SAY," CONTINUES THE LADY,
I'M A NUMEROLOGIST, AND THE POWER OF THE
NUMBER THREE,
WHICH SHOWS IN THAT LOCATION,
MAY HOLD A MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH FOR YOU!
PLASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU RETURN!"
ASKS THE MYSTERIOUS
LADY...
...
SO, AFTER HSR LEAVES THE BEACH PARTY,
HSR WALKS ALONG THE BEACH
AND HE MEETS UP WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
WHO INTRODUCES HSR TO HER FATHER
SO
BEAUTIFUL!...
HSR WALKS ALONG THE BEACH
AND HE MEETS UP WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
WHO INTRODUCES HSR TO HER FATHER
AND THE FISHERMAN
LOOKS AT HSR AND ASKS,
"WHADDAYANEEDTHERE, SONNY?"
"HI, SIR.
I'M DR. REPORT, AND I WANT TO GO
SCUBA DIVING IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE"...
"I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU WOULD WANT TO DO THAT!,"
SAYS THE OLD MAN...
"TO FIND SOME SUNKEN TREASURE!" SMILES HSR TO THE SEAMAN...
"HERE'S SOME UPFRONT CASH TO GET US GOING!"
AND THE SEAMAN QUICKLY TAKES HSR'S MONEY
AND MAKES IT DISAPPEAR...
"THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU NEED
TO HELP ME PUSH
MY LEAK-PROOF CRAFT...
OVER THERE
OUT INTO THE WATER!"
AND HSR SAYS TO HIMSELF..."WHOA!"
"DON'T WORRY SONNY...
THE ENGINE ON IT WORKS...
...AT LEAST MOST OF THE TIME!...
...SO IT WILL BE YOU, ME, AND
MY EXPERT SCUBA-DIVING DAUGHTER
GOING...
...RIGHT NOW...IF YOU LIKE!"
AND HSR REPLIES, "SURE...LET'S KICK IT,
ERR,
BUT NOT THE BOAT!"
SO THEY PUSH THE BOAT INTO THE WATER, START IT UP AND
START SKIMMING OUT ON THE
OPEN SEA, BUT,
WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT?...
SOON, IT STARTS TO
RAIN,
THEN... IT GETS...
SORTA REALLY DANGEROUS...AND THE CAPTAIN AND HIS DAUGHTER
SAY...
"DON'T WORRY, DR. REPORT, THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS!"
AND AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR,
THE SEAS GET
CALM AGAIN!...
THEN, AFTER TWO HOURS OF TRAVEL,
IT LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE STILL IN THE SAME SPOT!...
EXCEPT THAT THE
SAYS THAT WE'RE ALMOST THERE!...
OH! THERE'S A LONE SEAGULL THAT
LOOKS LIKE IT'S ON A MISSION!...
"WELL, DAGNABBIT, SONNY!...
IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE JUST ABOUT HERE!"
ANNOUNCES THE FISHERMAN OF THE SEA!
SO THEY DROP ANCHOR
AND HSR AND HIS DIVING PARTNER DON THEIR SUITS AND...
JUMP ON IN!
HEY!
THIS IS
NICE!
WHOA!
AND HIS PARTNER EXPLORES AROUND SOME
UNUSUAL SIGHTS!...
HEY,
BUDDY!
WHY IS THIS PLACE
SO
BEAUTIFUL!...
THEN,
THEY MAKE IT ON OVER TO
A SUNKEN SHIP
BUT
BEFORE THEY ENTER,
A SHARK WANTS TO PLAY
"I'M GOING IN!" SAYS HSR...
SO THEY BOTH GO INSIDE
AND AROUND A CORNER
"OH, WOW!"
"I WONDER WHAT BROUGHT THIS SHIP DOWN?"
THINKS HSR...
THEN THEY GET TO WHAT MAY BE AN IMPORTANT CHAMBER
"HERE IT IS...SOME REAL BERMUDA TREASURE!
AND OVER THERE'S TONS MORE!"
AND HSR LOOKS CLOSER
"WAIT, WHAT KIND OF GOLD IS
THAT?
AND HSR PICKS UP
ONE FLASHY GOLD COIN AND
PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET!...
THEN,
ALL OF A SUDDEN...
HE HEARS A NOISE COME FROM HERE!
AND SOME SQUEAKING COMES FROM THESE FIGURES!
THEN,
HSR SWEARS THAT SOMETHING TELLS HIM TO...
...LEAVE!
SO,
HSR ABRUPTLY HALTS HIS EXPLORING
WITH THESE OBVIOUS
SIGNS AND PREMONITIONS!
NOW,
HE LEAVES THE SHIP AND
ON HIS WAY OUT AND UP...
OH NO!...WHAT'S THIS!
AND HSR BLINKS HIS EYES A COUPLE OF TIMES
THEN, HE REALLY SEES
BUT NOW,
HE'S LOOKING FOR HIS DIVING PARTNER THIS WAY
THEN THIS WAY,
BUT SHE'S NOT AROUND!...
NOTHING!...
IS THIS WHAT THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE WILL DO?...
WHERE'S THE GIRL?...
AND HER FISHERMAN FATHER?...
AND THE BOAT?!
...
NOW, FRANTICALLY LOOKING AROUND
ON THE WATER'S SURFACE,
HSR EYES A PIECE OF FLOATING DEBRIS
...THAT HAS NOW JUST BECOME HIS VERY
BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD!
SO, HE SWIMS OVER TO IT AND HANGS ON!
"NOW, LET'S REALLY SEE IF ANYONE'S AROUND!" THINKS HSR...
AND HE LOOKS ONE WAY...
...ALL WATER!
THEN HE LOOKS ANOTHER WAY...
CRAP!...
AND HE LOOKS A THIRD WAY!...
OMG!
HSR NOW SEES A SHIP WAY OVER THERE!...
AND HE SHOUTS...LOUDLY...
AND WAVES HIS ARMS...
YES...
FOR DEAR LIFE!...
BUT TO NO AVAIL...
IT KEEPS ON GOING!...
OH NO!
...
THEN, HSR
DIPS HIS HEAD UNDERNEATH...
OH NO!...
AND...
AS NIGHT FALLS OVER THE INFINITE,
AND SUPER-SPOOKY OCEAN,
HSR TELLS HIMSELF
"OKAY...I'VE GOT MY WET SUIT TO STOP HYPOTHERMIA,
SO...
LET'S NOT PANIC!...
...BUT!
AS HSR RESTS HIS EYES
A MERMAID
COMES UP TO HIM AND
SAYS, "MY, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?...
THIS
MAN'S STRONG...
...AND HANDSOME, TOO!"
SO, SHE BITES HIM,
AND TEMPORARILY IMPARTS
UNTO HIM THE POWER TO STAY ALIVE
UNDERWATER...
WITHOUT BREATHING!
SO HE WON'T DROWN!
NOW SHE TAKES HSR TO WHERE SOME OF HER
MERMAID FRIENDS ARE...
"WILL YOU LOOK WHAT THE FISH JUST BROUGHT IN!."
ONE OF THEM SAYS...
"MY...ONE OF THOSE!
WE NEED TO IMMEDIATELY
REPLENISH OUR NUMBERS WITH HIM!...
...ALL FIVE OF US SHOULD
DO THE
"NAUTILUS"
WITH HIM...
RIGHT NOW!
SO THEY ALL TAKE HSR
INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE WATER
AND AFTER SOME "PRE-NAUTILUS"
PRETTY SWIMMING...
THEY ENGAGE IN THE "ACT OF THE NAUTILUS," WHICH IS SHOWN HERE!...
WAIT A MINUTE...WHERE'D ALL THESE FISH
COME FROM!...
THEY'RE BLOCKING THE VIEW!
DANG!
...
UH OH...THIS STRAY MERMAID
SWIMS IN TO JOIN THE ACTION!
AND THIS ONE,
TOO!
WHILE THESE TWO, WITNESS
FROM THE SIDE!...
WELL, WHO KNOWS HOW LONG THIS THING GOES ON...
AND...
WHEN THE SATIATED MERMAIDS
FINISH WITH HIM,
THEY LAY HIM BACK DOWN ON THAT
FLOATING PIECE OF FLOTSAM
WHERE THEY FOUND HIM!...
SO,
HE FLOATS AWHILE,
THEN,
WHAT'S THIS?...
A "SOME KIND OF SHIP"
SLOWS DOWN TO PLUCK HSR
OUT OF THE WATER
BUT...
WHO IS
THIS GUY!
Love Toothbrush®
"Get what you can, while you can...or somebody else will get it!"
Oh no!...
An unattended child, Baby El,
puts a plug into an electrical socket
and the current along the cord
energizes a very odd-looking rock nearby!
And now the rock transmits a signal picked up
by AI Machines
and Robots in the area!
...Now, some of the robots in the area
seem to...
...become "Aware!"...
with Extrasensory
and Perceptive
capabilities
coupled with the ...for the first time..
oh, my...these AI computers
have advanced to the point to
be able to categorize facts
and formulate options
and...
can ostensibly feel rudimentary, pleasurable
sensations....on their motherboards!
Wait!...
That's almost like
us Humans!
So, the Machines and Robots move to gather together
to maybe plot and hatch a plan!
And all of this is unbeknownst to
the jolly guy in the red and white suit
who is busy
communicating this and that
and the elves are busy
doing their things,
and everybody is busy
doing their things,
except this guy...
who's on one of his many breaks!
Yes, everyone is busy!...even
the Dentist who comes here every year
to take care of the North Pole's Favorite Personnel!...
Dr. Goldie Periola!
This time, she brought her capable sister,
the renowned Dentist, Dr. Ciji Enamelot
And they are busy taking care of the elves
and other
support staff!
"I know that you're going to use this on me...
to keep my tooth, right?" one elf asks Dr. Ciji Enamelot!
"Why, do you have a loose tooth falling out?" she asks back...
Then, the elf just runs out of the office!
Now, Dr. Enamelot goes to the computer
to log her stats and
the monitor shows this!
"Oh no! Goldie...Our system is corrupted!
Then a loud "Boom" is heard!
Now most people run away from the commotion,
but Ciji and Goldie, run to see what's up!
And they see a door that's
kicked in, and
Santa's missing!
"Who are you looking for?...Mr Santee?," says this
Robot!
"We Robots are
taking over now!...Thanks for teaching us to
take over everything...
Including Christmas, which
we can do so much more efficiently, and...better!
Do not come after us, or,
you'll never see Santa again...
Oh, and one more thing...
all of Mankind is working for
us now!
Ha Ha Haaaaa!" evilly laughs the Evil Robot!
"We'll even have our own Santa stand-in to
demoralize the people!...
Now,
scram!"
orders the Robot!,
"Grrrrr!"
...
So, Goldie and Ciji run away a little,
and Ciji says, while hiding,
"I just don't like the wayAI rules our waking
lives!...they are getting bigger, faster, and stronger...
...even in
Martial Arts!"
"And housework!"
says Dr. Goldie.
"I never trusted those "False
Faces" from the
start!"
"Yes," says Goldie, "Robots are trying to make us let our guards down,
what with all the cute things that they supposedly
can do!...even to the kids
growing up today!"
And Ciji warns,
I just don't want all the Robots
to fulfill their
march and end us all!"
"Ciji!" screams Goldie, "I'm
scared"
"Me, too!" says Ciji...
So with no apparent hope in sight, at the
North Pole,
maybe Christmas might not happen
at all!
And if people see Santa shooting a ray gun...
...it'll be
"Curtains!"
"What ever will
we do?"
"I don't want the worst for Mankind to
happen!"
...
OMG!...Thanking our Lucky Stars...
...do you remember Baby El...
...well, his big brother, Ernie has some girls over, but they make fun and laugh at him
when he warns of a Robot Takeover!
So he gets up and
walks out to get something,
and Ernie trips like this guy
over an
extension cord!
Now,
the power is
...OMG!...
...cut off from the rock
that sends the evil wifi signals
to all of the Robot Machines...
...and
suddenly,
they all stop in their
proverbial
tracks and go "Kaput!"
...even the Evil
Santa is out of commission!
And the same for the one right outside the
Distribution Center
"I'm going to give that Ernie, who fortunately tripped, a juicy
"Thank You!"
"We're going to "Knight" that Ernie...with all of the
eternal benefits included, too!"
So, now with the Robots all neutralized,
and Santa back...
the big work must be
completed!
"Santa Baby...you would have been proud!
I took a bat to a couple of those
"mafa" Robots, and loosened some screws!"
Now, Santa's all packed
and off to the "Great Race" to get the stuff out
on time,
so Jimmy here
won't cry forever!
And Daughter Claus speeds along to help meet the
verified deadline!
So, thankfully, all of the presents are delivered
without a hitch!
Hip hip hooray!
Now, with the Doctors' and everybody else's help...
Jack and Janice of Venezuela
can now look forward to getting their requests!...
...which are Parts and Paint for their
heirloom Uber Ride, which will aid them to
make some badly needed...
repairs!
Merry
Christmas, everyone!"
May you have many...
"With each new Christmas,
each of us can think of what's most important to us!
On some Christmases,
I wanted items of luxury
and sparkly things
and other times,
just a peaceful and quiet time with the
family meant the most...
Now...
my perception has changed, and
I realize that
all good things
do not come wrapped as gifts!
So
what I want the most
this time is,
as soon as I see HSR,
I'm going to give him his...
without the Wrapping!...Yes!...
..."As soon as Hollywood turns that corner
I'ma give him a good one
Wait!...Whaa...
No fair, Hollywood,
you looked!"...
..."Doctor H. S.,
it's time for us
to go on our
Fantastic Voyage!...Comon!"...
...smiles!
"Dr. Report...I'm going to try that "Ho Ho Ho"
technique on My Man Santa
as soon as he gets home!...
He won't know what hit him!"
"I know that I'm the Ice Queen,
and all, but,
please,
I get cold, too!"
"Christmas and New Year's Parties...
here I come!"
"Yes!...Hollywood!
This one's
for You!"
We'll be back!
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