"I was made to Spy!...I'm a 'Natural!'.....Peep This!...I acquire all of My Super-Classified Information ...the 'Old Fashion Way!'...I...
Charm My Way...
...Along...
'The...Path Of Least Resistance!"
"I Must Admit it,
Doctor Report,
that
You are a
'Unique Fusion'
of the
"You're Clapping Your Hands
and
I'm Doing The
Two Step!...
Now...Watch Me...
...Get Low!...
...Boom Boom...Yeah...Yeah...Boom Boom...Yeah...Yeah!"...
"I'm at HSR's Party!...
And it's
Bring Your Own...
...Potion!
"OMGosh!...
You just got Here!...
I
Don't Know What
to do With You Yet!"
Doctor Report
wants you
to get
Up Close and Personal
with This Blog!
So,
it has come to My Attention
that
You and Your
'I hope that I can sneak in
unnoticed'
smiles
are
just
'Thoroughly Busted!'
Today's 'Eye-Opening' Episode
is 'Cloak-and-Daggeredly' delivered to you
by a Spying and Eavesdropping Friend
getting all of the 'Juicy Details'
for You!
The High Jump Event!...
It's as graceful
as it is
Athletic!
But...as you know
HSR,
the
homo cybergraphicus,
'Ain't Graceful'
and he 'Ain't
No Athlete!'
So,
he has learned to
work around
that!...sometimes...
'Way Around!'
Now this guy says,
"I finally
beat that Hollywood guy!...Yes!"
Yes, Folk!...The
Operative Word here
is 'beat!'...as in
'Beat Down!'...
Which is exactly
what
the Hard-Headed
HSR is going to receive...once again!
Some things in Life
are Constant!...Just like
his 'Low Level Of Luck!...
Witness what happened in
"Lucky 80-Year Old 'Jamayruba' Dentist
Forced To Give
Emergency CPR
To Lovely Swim Suit Models
After Their Boat Capsizes!,"
and previous to that,
"Do You Love Your Teeth?...Well,
Tell Them And Show Them
That You Do!"
and, yet, once again,
before that in,
Or Toe Jam...Which One
Is Worse?,"
AND IN THOSE SCENARIOS,
HSR,
AS A 25 YEAR-OLD,
STRAPPING
AND HANDSOME
YOUNG MAN
ON VACATION FROM
...YES!...
USC DENTAL SCHOOL,
GETS A LITTLE ADVENTUROUS
AND DECIDES TO
FOLLOW HIS INSTINCTS,
WHICH ARE
SOMETIMES...
...ALWAYS WRONG!...
AND HE FINALLY CHOOSES TO
DRIVE THROUGH,
AND VERY POSSIBLY
ENJOY, PARTS OF THE
SOUTHERN
UNITED STATES
THAT'S FULL OF
TREES,
TREES,
AND MORE TREES,
AND EVEN SOME STRANGE
AND MAYBE
UNDISCOVERED VEGETATION,
BUT,
HSR IS JUST
'FRICTIONLESSLY'
SAILING ALONG
ON THE HIGHWAY,
WITH
HARDLY ANY OTHER CARS
IN SIGHT
AND A 'HUGGABLE AND COLOR-SATURATED' SKY
BUT,
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HE EXPERIENCES
EVERY DRIVER'S NIGHTMARE...
A
FLAT TIRE!...
AND HSR FINDS OUT THAT THERE'S NO
SPARE!
AND,
THAT
HE'S
CURRENTLY
IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE...
...OR RATHER,
99 MILES
TO THE NEXT REST STOP,
AND HSR
FINDS THAT HE ALSO HAS
NO
CELL PHONE CONNECTION!...
CRAP!..
SO,
HE HAS TO 'HOOF' IT!...
..NOW, HE LEAVES THE CAR...
AND DURING LAST EPISODE,
HE SAW
A LOT OF SCARY THINGS,
AS THE PLACE GOT DARK
AND, AT TIMES,
HE GOT REALLY SCARED,
BUT,
HE FINALLY COMES ACROSS
AN OLD CAR
AND GETS IT TO
WORKING,
AND IN THE DARK OF
THE NEW NIGHT
HE IS DRIVING
THIS 'GLORIOUS JALOPY'
DOWN AN UNKNOWN ROAD
AND HE IS DETERMINED
TO BE 'AS TOUGH AS NAILS'
AND
TO MAKE IT OUT OF
THIS SCENARIO IN ONE PIECE
THEN...
UH OH...
A PERSON APPEARS!...
ANY PROBLEMS,
AGAIN, STEPS ON THE GAS
ALL THE WAY, AND
BURNS RUBBER OUT OF THERE!...
AND HE
GOES A WAYS MORE
BUT THEN, HIS CAR
RUNS OUT OF GAS!...
...GEE WILIKERS!...
SO NOW,
HE GETS OUT AND
STARTS WALKING...
IN THE
SPOOKY LIGHT
OF THE SUPER MOON!
"I'LL USE MY CELL PHONE LIGHT
TO MAKE IT THROUGH!,"
THINKS HSR,
BUT, THEN
HSR HAS SECOND THOUGHTS
ABOUT SHINING A LIGHT,
BECAUSE
OTHER STUFF OUT THERE
CAN SEE HIM,
MAYBE
AS AN EASY MARK,
SO,
HE SHUTS IT OFF FOR NOW
AND WALKS SOME MORE
AND AFTER A WHILE MORE
OF WALKING
HSR THEN,
THANKFULLY,
THINKS HE SEES
A FRIEND
BUT, AFTER BLINKING SOME
AND WIPING HIS EYES,
HE REALLY SEES
"SHUCKS!" HE SAYS...
AND HSR LOOKS UP
AND SAYS,
"I HOPE THAT YOU GUYS UP THERE
"THIS IS JUST A TEST
TO SEE IF I'M WORTHY!" HE AGAIN SAYS TO HIMSELF...
THEN,
OH BOY!
HSR SEES
A SMALL CAVE!
"BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT," HE CONCLUDES, "I THINK I'LL PASS!"...
SO,
AFTER SOME MORE SLOW AND
ZOMBIE-LIKE WALKING,
HE GETS REALLY TIRED
AND JUST HAS TO
SIT DOWN!
"I MUST SLEEP...
...NOW!...
I'LL TRY THIS TREE RIGHT...
HERE...
WHICH LOOKS LIKE
EQUAL PARTS INVITING
AND...SCARY!" THINKS HSR...
SO HE LAYS DOWN
AND SLOWLY
CLOSES HIS EYES AND
IMMEDIATELY HE SEES
STRANGE STUFF
"SHEESH!"
"HSR!" CALLS THIS PERSON
AND HSR
SWEARS HE
OPENS HIS EYES...BUT,
HE STILL SEES THE SAME IMAGES!...
THE WOMAN AGAIN SAYS,
"DR. REPORT!...CAN YOU
HEAR ME?...
AND HSR MOANS A "YES!"
"GOOD, " SAYS THE WOMAN,
"YOU ARE IN MY
TERRITORY NOW!
AND I NEED YOU
TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME"...
"WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME,"
A TIRED-TO-THE-BONE
HSR ASKS...
AND THE WOMAN,
WHO IS MORPHING
OVER AND OVER
RIGHT BEFORE HSR'S
CLOSED AND DREAMING EYES,
"I AM ONE OF THE
MANY DAUGHTERS OF
MOTHER NATURE!...
AND, UNFORTUNATELY,
AN
'UNBALANCING EVENT'
HAS JUST OCCURRED IN OUR FOREST!...
...POWERFUL AND SINISTER
FORCES
HAVE INVADED OUR
'TREE-FILLED ECOLOGY'
WE ARE NOT EVEN SURE
HOW TO TACKLE AND DEAL
WITH THEM!
THEN...
...YOU APPEARED!...
...AS A
PURE-HEARTED MAN!...
YOU MUST BE 'THE ONE!'...
...THE ONE
THAT WE NEED TO
SAVE AND
RESTORE US
AND OUR NATURAL AND
SPIRITUAL VEGETATION
AND OUR
CHOLOROPHYLLIC CIRCULATORY SYSTEM!"...
THEN,
MOTHER NATURE'S DAUGHTER
MORPHS AGAIN!
"YES!..." SHE SAYS,
...OUR PART OF THE
WHOLE ATMOSPHERE
SHALL BE
GREATFUL
TO YOU
FOR YOUR HELP!"
"BUT, I'M LOST AND TIRED
AND HUNGRY AND SCARED!....HOW
CAN I BE OF ANY USE?" CRIES HSR!...
"BY YOU BEING DEEP WITHIN
ALL OF THOSE
STRESSORS AT ONCE,
IT AUTOMATICALLY
MAKES YOU,
NOW ONLY
CONSTITUTED OF YOUR
'MOST PRIMAL ESSENCE!...
BUT ALSO...
YOU ARE NOW...A...
...'MOST INSANE WARRIOR!'"
..."NOW,
FOLLOW
ME, SIR!"
AND NOW
THEY WALK...OR RATHER, THEY FLOAT ALONG
A SECOND OR TWO...AND
THEN
THIS BEING APPEARS
AND PROCLAIMS,
"YOUNG WARRIOR...
THANK YOU FOR COMING!...
"YOU ARE DOING THESE
BATTLES AS YOU SLEEP,
FOR,
THERE ARE NOW BATTLES
OF THE COSMOLOGICAL SPIRITS,
WHICH IS INDEPENDENT
FROM THE PHYSICAL!......THEREFORE
YOUR WEAPONS
WILL DEPEND ONLY ON YOUR WILL,
YOUR CUNNING, AND YOUR IMAGINATION,
AND YOUR...
...VICIOUSNESS!...
YOUNG MAN...TAKE THE BATTLES!...
AND
'WIN THE WARS!'"
"NOW MY SOLEMN SOLDIER!...
...ENTER INTO THE
REHABILITATIVE WATER
HERE!...AND THIS WILL
HELP SHARPEN YOUR FOCUS!"
AND HSR SLOWLY SUBMERGES HIMSELF
INTO THE DREAM WATERS!
AFTER A WHILE...
THE
MAGIC HAPPENS!...
AND AFTER SOME TIME...
A WET BUT STRONG
HSR EMERGETHS OUT OF THE WATERS!...
NOW HE RASIES HIS HEAD...
AND EMBOLDENLY PRONOUNCES,
"I AM NOW MORE ENERGIZED
AND I AM
STARTING TO SEE
THAT WHICH AT FIRST,
I COULD NOT SEE!"
"SIR," THIS DREAM WOMAN
NOW SAYS,
"SIR...
PLEASE HOP ON...
...AT ONCE!...
AND WE SHALL
DISAPPEAR INTO
THE DIMENSIONS
WHERE THE
BATTLEFIELDS ARE!"
"Sometimes I wonder how many times we need to
'Turn The Other Cheek!'"
Hey, Reader...
...just between
Me and You!...
I'm a Spy!...
And...
...my name is Nalatasha...
Nalatasha Atasha...
and I broker in Intelligence!...
My Specialty is...
Computational
Espionage!...
You see...
and I have made...
...and continue to make...
...too much to count!
And I like to
keep my
dinero cash-cash
in Hong Kong,
and
Monaco,
and...
especially...
...Oops!
I'm
not supposed to say!...
Well, anyway,
I just
my next assignment
from my
Secret Multinational Employer,
who,
by the way,
rakes in
2 billion dollars a day,
365 a year,
and they want me to,
using the best of my discrete and
shadowy abilities,
find out the
All-Important
'God Algorithms'
that
Amazon, Google, and
Facebook use
to predict and dominate
their respective businesses niches.
My employer,
who shall for my own safety,
remain unnamed,
just wants to compare
foundational algorithmic postures
as outcome-predicting
data integraters...
and...
I'll see if the
Super-Algorithms of
Google, Facebook. and Amazon
are
properly 'Realmed to their highest Super Efficiencies!'
Yes!
...
My Working Plan
is this:
I'll just meet with
a person from each company 'in the know.'
And we'll talk...
...in a relaxed atmosphere
about
The "Ultimate, Guaranteed,
and All-In-One Algorithm!...
...one that can
even create all other Algorithms...Twice!...
...
That way,
I'll get to know know
where the competition is...
and
my people can remain
insanely profitable--and
secret--at the same time!
And
they also want to
extrapolate their own visions
and concrete expectations,
and global manipulations,
and thus, forecast foreseeable and sequential advances
at least
200 years into the future!
...
So,
I receive the specifics
of my next 'Spyventure'
from a
virtually untraceable carrier pigeon!
...
My first move
is to befriend a
most valuable ally...
...a Dentist!
But not just any Dentist...
I need one
who is also an engineer specific to
electromagnetic signal processing
and
analytical predictability...
...on the Nano Scale!
And...
that just leaves two Dentists
in this Country!
This one...
be best suited for this assignment...
and a...Dr.
Pedramo Matami,
...whose great grandfather
was a trailblazing
Dental Pioneer!...
Well, the young Dr. Matami
just happens to be an
eccentric single guy,
...but more importantly...
...he also has a
well-stocked,
highest-tech,
secret lab...
...hidden
in the back of his office...
...to play in!
I know, because...
...I have my Sources!
This Doctor just also happens
to be located in
Mountain View, California...
...right up the street from...
Google Super Campus!
Great!...
I'm about to employ my tools of the trade
on him,
to get what I want...and need!
Doctor Matami doesn't know it,
but
I'm going to make it so
he'll be helpless
to refuse me!...
...
So,
I play my cards...
and now, he's with me
At the hot and heavy
Morocco's,
and with the magical and pulsating
belly dancing music and performers
I seduce him
into
gazing into my eyes...
and I am now ready
to
profoundly hypnotize him,
using my inescapably-attractive,
guaranteed-to-work,
hypnotic contact lenses!...
That's it, Honey...
...look deeper into me!...
Just...like...that!
Engage!...
Now!
Got 'um!..
Now,
I clinch it all...
by telling him
that
instead of
snapping my fingers
to seal the deal,
...so that he's compliant and helpless...
...we will just
toast
our glasses instead!
And, "Clink!"...
just like that...
he's all mine!...
Whoa!...
The Tricks I learned in Spy School!...
Now,
he's obediently responding,
"Yes!"
to my Every Command!
And now, we get up to leave...
Man!...
Just look at my Dentist Accomplice!...
So,
as not to draw attention,
I put his arms down,
and we get out of there!
But, unexpectedly,
a belly dancer bumps him
with her hip...
...which pushes him into another "Wild One!"...
And,
on our way to the door,
...wait
...a third "shifting softie" bumps him...
OMGosh!...
...There are more 'Hips' than 'Tips' here!
...
Finally, we stumble out of there...
and now we're home free!
Now,
I need to quickly get to work...
with my Dr. Matami's help!...
...and finish my
final technical preparations
in his laboratory
and then,
I shall meet some guys from
Google, Facebook, and Amazon!
at a big Convention After Party
tonight!...
Then,
I'll see what information
they will freely and happily
volunteer!
So, I'm not actually
'Actively Acquiring' anything!...
Those 'High-Testosterone Hackers'
are always trying to
'One-upmanship'
each other,
especially in front of a
Beautiful Woman!
Believe Me!...I'll
get all the Information I
need...and More!
tonight!...
Then,
I'll see what information
they will freely and happily
volunteer!
So, I'm not actually
'Actively Acquiring' anything!...
Those 'High-Testosterone Hackers'
are always trying to
'One-upmanship'
each other,
especially in front of a
Beautiful Woman!
Believe Me!...I'll
get all the Information I
need...and More!
What can I say, girls!...
'A Spy's gotta do...
what a Spy's Gotta Do!'...
So, with the hypnotized
Dr. Matami's help,
I piece together a
dental veneer that
contains my proprietary
nanoscale radio wave emitter
which gives off
specific low energy waves
that
make people trust each other
more
and reveal things
about themselves!
...And
those are perfect conditions for
those Corporate Boys and Me to dialogue
and get a good information flow going!
I just received
credible Intelligence
that these three guys,
one from each company...
sometimes hang out together...
...I'll find them at the Party,
then
penetrate that group of three
and then,
after while, I'll make
those guys try to
'out-brag' each other
on their respective Secrets,
by asking one of them about
New Insights in
Algorithmic Direction and
Structure,
and go on from there,
to get them 'Blabbing'
And 'Talking Shop'
For A While!
So now,
I'm getting ready
for the Party!...
And
lately,
one of my friends say
that I'm looking more and more
like my
Mother,
who was also a spy...
...and a good one...
because hardly anyone knew of her!
So, I'm on my way...
and my Dr. Matami-Facilitated
Dental Work is working perfectly!...
Okay...so, while on my way,
I call Dr. Matami and say,
"My Sweet Doctor!...I need
you to go straight to bed
and go to sleep...
...comprenda?"
And the Doctor responds immediately, "Yes, Mam!"...
Great!...Now, I'm
at the Hotel,
and
I smile to myself
and think,
"Let's do some
good Ol' Espionage!"
Hmm, nice
and I'm feeling fabulous!...
Now, I'm looking at
my subjects...
...Gee!...They're cute!...
Now, I
nonchalantly walk
close to where they are,
and now,
I just flit around
a little!
And one of them comes up to me,
All Macho,
and says,
"Hello. Beautiful,
my name is Igor!"
"Well, Igor, nice to meet you...can I
ask you something ...
in confidence?"
And Igor quickly says,
"Of course!"
"How dynamic is your
Algorithmic Flow, Big Boy,"
And Igor, readies
himself...and says,
"You've heard of the 'God Particle' in Physics
that
ties all things together?...
Well,
I construct 'God Algorithms'
that can process and conquer
any and all problems!"
And I ask him, "For fun and profit?"
"Not for Fun and Profit...
...I do it
for
Profit...and Dominance!...
I can make my own Fun...
...maybe with you,
Young Lady...oh...
I didn't get your name!"
"Igor, my name is Nalatasha...tell me, Igor...I
Love your name by the way...
...would you ever consider
achieving your
desired algorithmic trajectories and outcomes by
working backwards
in your formulations?...you know...
reverse engineering?"
"It's possible," admits Igor,
"but the problem you are trying to solve
must have
very specific inputs!...What are
you working on if I may ask?"
"Global
Capital Disruptions and
Invisible Informatics
Manipulations!" I tell him...
And Igor says, "You're a
woman after my own heart!"
"That's good,
Igor!...I'll be back...
...I'm going to the
Ladies Lounge!"
And, as she strides,
Nalatasha thinks to herself,
"So far, So Good!"
...
Now,
as she sultrily
makes her
way through the Attentive
Throngs of People,
she catches the
eye of
several
High Tech Movers and Shakers...
who think that
they are 'So Entitled!'...
And she also gets
the attention
of a
possibly
Dangerous Competitor!...
So,
while in the Ladies Room,
I think
"Let's see about some
Fresh 'War Paint!"
However,
even then,
she notices
a Woman
not too far from her,
that's checking her out!
And she, too,
may have Secret Plans
of her own
to acquire the Same Goods!
Now,
I think,
so far...
...however,
I think that I have seen that
Person over there
before
on a
previous Assignment!...I'll act as if
I don't notice her, but I'll still
keep My Antennas up!"
Then,
she closes up Shop, and her purse
and heads back to the
Party for More Fun
and Spy Play...unbeknownst to
them, of course!
Now, as she sashays
back into the action!...
"Young Lady,"
says this Gentleman,
"Hackers are not allowed
into this Party!...unless...
you're with Me!...Just Kidding!...My
name is Tony...Doctor Tony Cyril...and I couldn't help
but notice you talking about
Super Algorithms with those guys!...
I'm the CEO and Chairman of a
new Startup that
creates 'Unhackable Algorithms'...
and that's our Name,
Unhackable Algorithms!...
My Proprietary Programs, use a
never-before-used
Programming Language, that all
other computers can't even access!...
And...believe it or not...Amazon, FaceBook, and Google
are all viciously fighting each other
right now,
to
buy us out!"
"My," I respond, "you
are in a truly Powerful Position!...Why
haven't I
heard of you before, Dr. Cyril?" I ask...
"You probably are aware
that our Industry
is
'Full Of Spies!'...That's
just the way it is!...But
you don't come off
as an arrogant Hacker, Miss...
...what is your name?"
I smile to him and say,
"I'm Miss Atasha, and, Dr. Cyril,
you seem to be a person that
does more than
just borrow from other
previous work,
and then just
add a 'Little Sugar On Top'
to make a Breakthrough!"
"You are so right, Miss Atasha!...
My Mom raised me to think my own
'Customized Way,'
and
she promised me that
if I did that,
I'll end up doing
'One-Of-A-Kind' Things!...So,
Miss Atasha, what do engage in?"
I tell him, "I work
in Corporate
Acquisitions!"
Now, Dr. Cyril says,
"Wow...that could mean
so many things!...That makes me wonder
if your Company
might even try to best
the offers of
Google, FaceBook, and Amazon!"
"Well, Doctor Cyril,
for me to gather any Interest,
I'd have to
get
some Idea of
'How Your Stuff Works!'"
"Well why don't we
go to the
Bar
and talk some
more
over some
Orange Juice!"
"Yes, Doctor Cyril,
I'd
Love That!"
Now...this woman
off to the side
in the Party
thinks,
"There's that Spy
She's trying to
Hog and Profit from
all of the
'Plum Assignments!'......And...
...I'll just bet that
that Little Floosie is
Trying to get the
God Algorithm
Formulas
from those 'Company Hacks!'...
I'll have to use a
'Trick Up My Designer Sleeve'
to get to it First!
I think I'll just
mosey on over,
and start
with a little
Eavesdropping!"
May you have many...
..."I'm training to be a
Spy...and...
I know that there's a lot of
Intrigue and
Danger
and
even Possible Harm...
...Or Worse!
but,
It may be
all worth it,
when I
..."I'm wearing
White
so maybe those
Spy Masters
won't recognize Me!"...
..."OMGosh!...
It's not too cold today!
The Crisp Air is
a Great Tonic for
My Mind
and My Body!
And I know
that I will Miss you,
Mr. Chill, when
the Heat Wave comes!"...
..."That's Preposterous!...
...I know when
I'm being Framed!...
..."Dr. Report...
I hope that
I'm not too Obvious!"...
...smiles!
"The Spy Game
is a Dangerous One!...
But I always get
what I need For My Country...
or My Corporation!
But my Greatest Asset I have,
is not My Good Looks,
or even My Spectacular Smile!...
It's...
...my Ability to
Create Chaos!"
As I see it, Agent Report...
You only have...
...Two Choices!...
Meanwhile...Back At The Place Where
The Battles Of Espionage
Seem To All Come
Tumblin' Down!...
Dental Hygiene Wars!
"We've got
20 Hygienists Cornered and Trapped!
Now,
It's Our Time
to
'Settle The Score!'"
"I'm warning You,
Bacterium...
...one more Step!"
"Reporting for Duty,
General Report!...
I'm ready to
Engage The Enemy!"
"Whoever said that
there's no Profit
in War...
hasn't seen
My Stash!"
"I must Penetrate
the Cell Wall
and go straight for the
Nucleolus!"
"I can't believe it!...
She dropped her
Cavitron Tip!...
Now...
I'll push her
back on her Heels,
and my Friends
will easily
'Finish Her Off!'"
"There's just too many of Them!...
I might not Make It!
Come in,
Headquarters!...
...We're Under Attack!"
Crap!...These things are
coming at me
Left
and Right!"
"Our Strength is
in Our Numbers!
The Hygienists will
eventually tire out
and
Our 'Microbiome Victory' Is Assured!"
"Mommy, Daddy!...
Some
'Biofilm Bullies'
were Bothering Me!"
I 'Shed A Tear' for
My Lost Sisters!"
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