WITH HIS CUTE AND TINY TOY YORKSHIRE TERRIER IN TOW,
NAMED SIR RILEY E. WELLINGTONHALL AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HSR ENCOUNTERS A VERY OLD AND LARGE IVY-COVERED STONE EDIFICE, AND AFTER GAZING AT IT
AND TOUCHING THE GIGANTIC WALL, PROBABLY AS OLD AS THE SPHINX IN EGYPT ITSELF, HE TURNS AND SAYS TO SIR RILEY, "HEY, RILEY BABY! INDIANA JONES SAW STUFF LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME, BUT THAT WAS IN A MOVIE! BUT THIS RIGHT HERE, THIS IS THE REAL ENCHILADA!," AFTER WHICH, SIR RILEY GIVES A SHORT APPROVING BARK, BECAUSE HE LIKES ENCHILADAS, AND HSR THEN PULLS BACK SOME OF THE IVY CURTAIN AND SEES
AND HSR EXCLAIMS, "SIR RILEY!" AND THE POOCH GIVES ANOTHER REASSURING BARK, THEN HSR SAYS, "MAN, WE MIGHT BE REALLY ON TO SOMETHING!" AND SIR RILEY BARKS AGAIN, SO, NEXT, HSR POSITS, "AND THERE MIGHT EVEN BE A LITTLE DANGER INVOLVED!" TO WHICH SIR RILEY LETS OUT A LONG, I-AIN'T-TAKING-NO-MESS, SNEERING GROWL, AND TO HSR'S SURPRISE, AS HE FEELS ALONG THE WALL, HE PRESSES A SMALL BUTTON-LIKE STRUCTURE AND, OMG!, A PORTION OF THE WALL OPENS UP AND SLIDES TO THE SIDE, AND THIS MAKES HSR SMILE AND SAY, "SIR RILEY! COME ON AND LET'S CHECK OUT WHAT'S INSIDE," TO WHICH SIR RILEY GROWLS AND BARKS DISAPPROVINGLY, BUT HSR IS NOW A LITTLE MORE EMBOLDENED WITH HIS FLASHLIGHT, AND THEY TAKE A COUPLE OF STEPS INSIDE, WHERE THEY LOOK ONE WAY AND SEE...
AND SIR RILEY ANGRILY GROWLS....AND THEN THEY FACE TOWARD ANOTHER WAY...
AND SIR RILEY GROWLS "NO WAY" AGAIN...SO THEY FACE A THIRD WAY...
THIS TIME, SIR RILEY GIVES TWO SHORT BARKS, WHICH TRANSLATES INTO "I STILL DON'T LIKE IT, BUT THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST WAY!," SO, AS THEY START TO WALK DOWN THAT CAVE PATH A LITTLE, THE STONE DOOR CLOSES BEHIND THEM WITH A RESOUNDING AND GROUND-SHAKING PERMANENCE, TO WHICH, SIR RILEY RESPONDS WITH A WHIMPER AND A GROWL, AND HSR ADMITS, "LOOKS LIKE WE'RE REAL DO-OR-DIE EXPLORERS NOW, BUDDY!...LET'S ROCK!" AND HSR ACTUALLY ALMOST TRIPS OVER A ROCK, SO THEY WALK PAST A COUPLE OF TWISTS AND TURNS ALONG THE WAY, WHEN THEY COME UPON A ROOM-LIKE AREA,
THAT SMELLS SORT OF DIRTY AND MUSTY, BUT HOW ELSE SHOULD AN OLD CAVE SMELL, SO ANYWAYS, THEY LOOK AROUND THE ROOM AND SEE NOTHING OF GREAT VALUE, HOWEVER, NOW, THEY HEAR SOUNDS OF SOMETHING COMING FROM ANOTHER PATH INTO THE ROOM, SO HSR TELLS SIR RILEY TO KEEP QUIET, AND THEY HIDE BEHIND A MOUND OF STUFF, AND THEN THIS GRUNTING AND GROWLING ANIMAL WALKS INTO THE ROOM SWINGING ITS ARMS AND KICKING UP DUST, SO MUCH SO, THAT THE HSR ALMOST STARTS TO SNEEZE, BUT JUST THEN, ANOTHER THING COMES INTO THE ROOM, AND, NOW...whoa, man, whoa, whoa...let me catch a breath...you sure can make up some lies, err, I mean stories, mister blogger...because there's only one or two ways that this story can go, and I'ma pay attention so I won't get snowballed by you, understand?, and your "excuse me for not paying attention, but I was looking deep into the eyes of a picture of my favorite movie star" smile, nods in accordance, because when you were a kid, you once almost got lost in a dark cave, too...so this is serious!
Back to Love Toothbrush®
"Rumor has it that there's a huge, vibrant, thriving, and highly secret human colony on the far side of the Moon already, right now, while the rest of us are stuck down here with our promises and our problems and all! "
A controversial, yet unconfirmed sighting of a possibly new humanoid species, dubbed "Big Tooth," has just occurred in the Angeles National Forest this past weekend.
Already, there is controversy over naming this new-found beast of the wild, as one biologist from San Diego's Point Loma College,
has offered a scientific name: "homo megadonticus, while a zoologist from Boston's Harvard University
quickly offered up a competing classification: "homo macrodonticus." This scientific spat illustrates the intense academic rivalries that are pervasive in the race for turf supremacy in the "still-Wild-Wild-West" world of Anthropology!
The person critical to this ongoing investigation, is said to have had a "close, upfront, and heart-pounding look" at the here-to-fore-unknown creature, while peeking out from behind some bushes and trees. At the time he was bent over and searching for his accidentally-dropped keys on the ground when the wooly creature passed nearby. This solo witness, who wants to maintain anonymity concerning this highly-charged occurrence, added that it reminded him of the stories that he had heard of the infamous Big Foot,
but with one glaring exception. "I saw this creature from about ten feet away, and," he said, "it has an extremely wide upper front tooth in the middle,
and strong, pronounced features, like it could be a "male" of the species."
He also remembers Big Tooth "smelled like a farm animal, had matted full-body fur, and had some branches full of wild blackberries in one hand," leading some to speculate about it having some herbivore-foraging tendencies. Whether or not it is also a predatory carnivore remains to be observationally proven.
"It's definitely a biped, man-like, hairy mammal, that also made grunting and almost singing noises," the witness continues.
The startled hiker, who also thought that he came "within an inch of losing his life with this discovery," immediately related this encounter to the authorities and even helped to create the above composite drawing with help from sketch artists from the County Office, and are making copies available to park rangers, area zoologists, and to other area hikers, so that they can be on the look out, and hike with a greater degree of awareness and caution.
The nature-loving hiker, who lets on that he is a Professor of Paleontology, also reported hearing other noises as Big Tooth disappeared into the thick brush, almost like there could have been a companion Big Tooth traveling with him.
"This finding is taken seriously," say some dental professionals and zoologists alike, and they are excited, keeping in mind that many animals, even undiscovered ones, are fast becoming forever extinct.
Dr. Mava Bongomere, a top geneticist at the Nelson Mandela Hospital of Genetic Medicine,
Members of the local Orthodontic Society chimed in, saying that they would jump at the chance to clinically examine the structure, function and look of homo macrodonticus!
And a group of psychologists want to determine if there are social and cultural norms practiced by this species that may in any way compare to other mammals, or to us, homo sapien sapien.
Even children are voicing their reactions to this news, with one young lad hoping that Big Tooth is "never captured and stuck in a zoo prison cage."
However, one popular local teenager, whose video remarks on the sighting have gone viral on YouTube, denounced the findings as
"very possibly just a tall, unkempt, and hairy hippie from the sixties, with an awfully bad denture, who never really bothered to re-enter society!"
Remember that you heard it first from The Hollywood Smiles Report, and more updates on this possibly-new-species finding will be forthcoming, as soon as they are made public!
May you have many...I was looking at some birds flying around on the beach the other day, and I started thinking--are they serious about what they are doing, or are they just "cooling it?"...why is it that Man is the only animal that wears clothes?...wow, there are many people that I pass in crowded downtown that I have never seen before, and I'll probably never see again!..smiles!
