And The Winner Of Today's "Breff Stank" Contest Is...!

OMG!

I... 

...love you! 

And it's so good to see you back!

I promise to not make you wait too long 

to get into "the meat" 

of today's or tonight's adventure!

"Excuse me, Miss Narrator...I don't mean to butt in, but...

...I'd like to say something to HSR!...

"Hey HSR!...

"So after all of this junk food...wanna check out some...

 "junk in the trunk?!"

"Oh, Hollywood!...I

just wanted to remind you of our sailing lessons today!

I'll see you at the Marina, Sweety!"

...

And the Blog Lady of this blog says, 

Okay, young lady...you're the last one before we start...

"Thank you, Miss Narrator"...

"Hey, Dr. Report...

...I visit your blog adventures every night before bed, 

so that I

get plenty of the mental vitamins and minerals to make my body 

"The Most!"...

Thanks and Many Smooches, Hollywood!"

...

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this time, 

today's adventure is only available 

through transmitted Morse Code, 

which will then go through the stethoscope of our wonderful Doctor friend here

and, with electro-signal amplification,

the flow will thus be made decipherable!...

And she asks,

"If you are willing to take what we give...

Are you willing to give what we take? 

But, you don't have to answer that now!"...

...

However, some answers will be arrived at concerning HSR's outcome today...and

some of those answers may not be so pretty!

But you and your

"I felt the sunshine this morning, and, 

it was so good that I got goose-bumps...and...I love goose-bumps...often!"

smile wants to see anyway, if there are any bumps, bangs, and 

bruises quickly coming HSR's way,

like the twists and turns he is likely to experience

WHEN HE STARTS PERPETRATING A TRIP IN A WOODEN BOAT 

DOWN ONE OF THE LONGEST RIVERS IN EUROPE, 

THE DANUBE RIVER, 

WHICH REALY STARTS WHERE 

THE BRIGACH RIVER MEETS THE BREG RIVER 

IN DONAUESCHINGEN, GERMANY, IN THE BLACK FOREST 

AREA

AND HSR FORTUNATELY ARRIVES IN EARLY JANUARY 

TO CATCH THE SWABIAN-ALEMANNIC

FESTIVAL, WHICH HAS MANY PEOPLE WEARING COSTUMES,

AND BANDS ARE PLAYING

"WOW!" SAYS HSR

A LOT OF PEOPLE GO ALL

OUT FOR THIS CELEBRATION!"

"NICE HATS, 

LADIES!"

"SIR," SAYS THIS LADY

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU'RE FROM AROUND...BUT...

I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU!"

"OH THANKS!...YOU'RE RIGHT...I'M JUST VISITING!" SAYS HSR...

"LET'S GO TO THE MODERN ART MUSEUM," SAYS THE LADY...

WHICH IS CLOSE, AND 

WHEN THEY GET THERE

THEY SEE PEOPLE

REALLY ENGAGED

IN THE ARTS!

"WOW!" SAYS HSR...

AND THE LADY SAYS, "I JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU HERE...I WORK HERE...

IN PRESERVATION...I'M GOING THERE, NOW!...

IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU, DR. REPORT!" 

THEN SHE LEAVES...

SO, HSR LOOKS AROUND A LITTLE MORE

THEN GOES BACK OUTSIDE FOR THE SIGHTS AND SOME AIR...

"GUTEN TAG, SCHONER MANN!

SAYS THIS LADY...

"HALLO, HÜBSCHES MADCHEN!," SAYS HSR BACK...

WITH A WINK!...

AND HE'S BEEN PRACTICING...JUST IN CASE, AND 

HE DOESN'T WANT TO START AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT!

AND BOTH HSR AND THE LADY LAUGH...

THEN SHE ASKS, 

"SO WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE TO OUR GREAT LITTLE CITY, YOUNG MAN?"

"I WANT TO TRAVEL THE DANUBE RIVER FROM START TO FINISH!" SAYS HSR...

"WELL," SHE SAYS, "YOU'VE GOT A LONG TRIP THROUGH MANY NATIONS!"

AND SHE ASKS, "HAVE YOU KISSED A WOMAN...

...A GERMAN WOMAN HERE, YET?"

HSR OPENS HIS EYES A LITTLE WIDER, 

AND SMILES, AND SAYS, "NEIN!"

"MAY I BE THE FIRST, AND REMEMBER YOU FOREVER?...JA?"

"JA!" SAYS HSR, 

GETTING A LITTLE DIZZY AT THE BEAUTY AND SURPRISE OF IT ALL!...

"LET'S SIT A WHILE" SHE SAYS...

AND THEY

MAKE THE MOST OF A SHORT TIME!

AND 

THEY TAKE A COUPLE OF BREAKS 

TO COME UP FOR AIR...

AND FINALLY, SHE SAYS, "I JUST WANTED TO SHOW THAT 

GERMAN WOMEN ARE VERY PASSIONATE!"

"I SEE!" IS ALL THAT HSR COULD GET OUT...

"WELL, SIR, THE WHARF IS OVER THAT WAY TO GET A BOAT!...AND SIR...

ICH LIEBE DICH!" SHE SAYS 

AS SHE 

PROUDLY STROLLS AWAY!

SO, HSR GATHERS HIMSELF AND STANDS UP AND SAYS

"BOY SHE IS SWEET!"

THEN HE SEES A SIGN THAT SAYS, "MARINA DIESR WEG."

SO HSR SAYS, THAT'S WHERE I'M HEADED...SO LET'S GO!"

AND WHEN HSR GETS THERE, HE MEETS A WOMAN 

WHO SAYS, "GUTEN TAG, YOUNG MAN!"

"DANKE, DAME!, " SAYS HSR TO THE LADY...

"I NEED A SMALL BOAT TO GO DOWN THE RIVER HERE TO ITS END!" SAYS HSR...

"MY, YOU'LL HAVE SOME PRETTY STOPS ALONG THE WAY!...I LIKE YOUR SPIRIT!

...HOW ABOUT THAT ONE OVER THERE...

FOR FREE!" AND SHE CONTINUES, "I WANT YOU TO LOVE AND EXPLORE OUR COUNTRY, SIR, AND 

BE CAREFUL!"

"THANKS A WHOLE BUNCH...SO FAR...I JUST LOVE IT HERE!...

AND HSR TAKES OFF DOWN THE DANUBE RIVER...AND

SEES MANY PRISTINE SIGHTS 

AS HE MOSEYS DOWN 

THE WATER WAY,

WITH SOME SCENERY LOOKING LIKE 

ITS WORTHY OF NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC!

AND AFTER A WHILE HE GETS A LITTLE SLEEPY AND

THINKS HE SEES

SOME "CHOCOLATE CAROUSAL VISIONS" AND 

AS IT'S GETTING DARKER, 

HE COMES ACROSS

AN ISOLATED ISLAND!

AND AS HE SLOWS DOWN BY IT 

A LADY COMES OUT AND SEES HIM AND SAYS,

"HI THERE, SAILOR BOY...IT'S OKAY TO TIE YOUR BOAT 

AND COME ON UP FOR SOME SHELTER

BEFORE IT GETS TOO DARK!"

"THANKS A LOT, MISS!" SAYS HSR...

AND OVER SOME HOT CHOCOLATE

SHE SAYS, "MY NAME IS MISCHA!" AND

HSR SAYS, "MY NAME IS HOLLYWOOD!"

AND SHE SAYS  BACK, "WELL, IF YOU SHOW ME 

SOME AMERICAN WAYS"...

"I'D BE GLAD TO SEE SOME OF YOUR GERMAN WAYS!" GRINS HSR!

                             Love Toothbrush®

"Sweet weather, on a partly cloudy day with a cool breeze is perfect, in any language!"

Heeere we go!...

Ladies and Genlemen, boys and girls!...

today we shall see who will take home 

the Big Giant 

Golden Trophy...Plus

a cool 50,000 Dollars USA!...

as the certified winner 

of today's "Breff Stank" Contest!...

And...

to even qualify as an entrant for this contest...

we take notorized referrals from friends, families, enemies, hangers-on

and even...

Dentists!

And, we also have our very own large lab

and staff of smell experts and

Halitosis 

Scientists to truthfully verify 

the noxiousness...the perniciousness, and the...

"Stankness" of the offending "Breffs!"  

Yes, Bad Breath is basically invisible, but

if it is equated to

visible smoke, 

it floats like

a cloud and can reach the far corners of any room quickly!

And these people here are playing with their 

cloudy breaths!...So is this 

person!...

Bingo!...

Some people have come from many miles away for 

a chance to win...like Sammy,  here, who hasn't flossed in months...

"I gotta win that 50 gees, Man!"

And Greta, here,

can't stand her own breath anymore, but wants to win in the worst way!

"I've been downing a lot of stomach-churning, crappy, and anonymous food...because...

I want to help my family out and also pay for my 

college tuition!" says Darnell...

"I'm going to buy stuff and get ready for Halloween,

says Evilia!"

Some people are representing cartoon characters, like here,

where some bad breath gets into their nose holes and

lo and behold, they

react in a predictable, yet loud manner!

And Mr. Spongebob steps up to the breath testers

with a strong confidence just oozing "stank"

almost like a pile of "you know what!"

"I'm gonna get dat 50...

I'm gonna get dat 50!"

Even Predator wants to go for

"The Gold!"

"I know that I am going to win," say one young lady, 'because

I put garlic on my...

garlic!...

But after the show...I'll have to clean up, because

I have a date with my boyfriend!"

One guy tries to propose to his girlfriend here...but she doesn't

like is timing!...Or his breath!...

And this character gushes, "With 5 of those 10 G-packs, I'ma go on a serious shopping spree at the 

Second Life Marketplace!"

"If I win...I'll get my mouth fixed so that

my wife and I can get

close like in the old days!"

"Hey, Dr. Narrator of this Blog...

...after this smelly breath contest, stop by my place so I can

reset your "Sweet-o-Meter!"

"When I win, I'm going to get plastic surgery, so people will take me

more seriously," says this entertainer!...

Now, our line of contestants are starting

to get tested!

Hopefully, the heat of the tens of thousands of breaths doesn't

break the sensitive equipment.

Some of the testing machines work very simply, though...

If the machine sensors detect mild to moderate bad breath, the inside metals just

warp a little...

But if "horrible and toxic" breath comes across those metals... the metals

warp and deform to the max!...

So, the testing

goes on and on...

and even some "Old School" experts 

help out!

And some students from the local Dental School, too, 

are "eager beavers!"

Oh, No! This guy's "Teeth Jam" smells a lot like funky

"Toe Jam!"

But after so much testing...and maxing out!...

the sensors and detectors 

finally fatigue out!

So, now, human help is employed to detect those breaths that deserve...

"very honorable mention!"

And for some of the contestants,

we know...

...and can smell...what "The Rock

is cookin'!

Things are getting down to the wire now folks!

We now have just three left...

...a man called

Mayhem...

...a lady called Francine

and a guy named 

Trucker!

The judge Анна, or Anna, a dental student from Russia, eliminates Mayhem, because she was

still able to... stand!...no knockout!

Now Francine

actually melts the skin

off of one Dental Student!

Poor Guy!...

Then, Trucker's little girl says to Francine,

"You Bed Knott" beat my Daddy's Breath!"

Next.....as every one holds 

their collective breaths (thankfully!) to see who will win...

...the secret judge is brought out...

But Fracine passes the test, by not making an end-of-times stink!

However, when the judge tests Trucker's 

breath...

which accidentally and volcanically erupts, simultaneously, out of both ends of Trucker...

after being held in for so long...

...It's not even close!!

OMG! 

It looks like Baby Judge has just given us her clear and obvious choice!

...

At last, 

the Breff Stank Contest's Emcee announces:

Contestant number 15,239,  Mr. Trucker...

...you are judged to have the worst breath in all the land!...

...Congratulations!

!!!

Now just take the Trophy and the Cash and...

get outta my face...your breath is so bad...now, I gotta...

Sorry...Please forgive me!

And with that, Ladies and gentlemen,  boys and girls...

we conclude our  Annual "Breff Stank" Contest

with a new and deserving Winner!...

in our hotly-contested hot breath-off!

Until next year, people, same time, and same place...

...and as we like to say..."May The

"Breath Be With You!"

May you have many..."Hey there, Dr. Report, I came a'runnin' as soon as I saw something was up!

--oh, you're just meditating on the park bench?--

I can check your lips and rub your chest in a CPR kind of way, 

right now, if you want,

but if our date is still on tonight,

I'll just see you later at my place"..."Dr. Report, this is Absurdistika, and,

every time I think about the future, 

and I see you at the same time...

I feel loved and safe!..."Dr. Winge and HSR...I'm Fabiana Henriquez, and 

I always apply my lipstick like this

so it always seems

that I'm always ready for your kiss!...smiles!

Hollywood!...Everyone just left for the whole week, 

and

I'm fully stocked!...!