"Life-Saving Digestive Consumption...Starts With...The Teeth!...Now...Where Is...
...My Next Neck!"...
"Everyday is a Fantasy!...For You...
Only have it Once!"
"The Fresh Air
in the Park..
...Is So..."
"The Trees are...
offering Their Leaves to Us!"
You and Your
'in the movies it's okay, but no...
...not on Me!'
Smiles
are
Hiding!
This
'Pretty White Teeth may turn Red'
Episode
is
brought to you by those who like to bite and
those who want to
be Bitten!
Yes, People!...
Teeth...
...Make The World Go
'Round!
We depend on our
'Specialized Oral Bones'
to
masticate our foods,
and to help us
to speak,
and to
protect ourselves
from our
enemies...
and to
excite
our Friends!
And Mouths and Teeth can
give Nonverbal Cues
that have real meanings!
But...'Get A Room'
if
you have to!
Hey...
you know that
this is the
'Teeth Time Of The Year,' right?
Yes!...
One needs teeth
for all of that
Candy...
and
for all of that 'Biting!'
So,
for Today's Piece,
we want to
'Take It To The Streets'
and find out
who has the
'Better Looking Teeth'...
Dracula,
or
Draculea!
And to help us get a
'Word On The Street'
sampling of Opinions,
we have our own
Reporters
to get
to the facts!
"Good day, folk!
I'm
going to jump right in
and
see how People feel!"...
"And here's our first subject:
Good Morning, Miss...
Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure
you can!"
"Whose teeth
do you think look better?...Dracula...or Draculea?"
"I like Dracula's
better!
I hear that
his are
so sharp that
it just feels like a
Monkey Bite...you know...nice and warm
with no pain!"
"Thank you...
that's good to know!"
"Hi, you two!
Whose teeth are better?
Dracula's or Draculea's?"
"Oh, that's easy for us...
We both Love
Draculea!...She can be demanding,
and sometimes,
even a vicious _ _ _ _ _! But
that just comes with her
unpredictable
'Sweet and Sour' Packaging!"
"And you, Sir!...
Whose teeth are best?"
"That's Easy!...
Hands down, I think
Draculea's is
more
white!
And, oh yeah...
she knows
what she wants
and...
she's a little rough!
I like her style!"
"And you, Miss...
Who is your choice?"
"Oh, you know that
'Drac's
Da Mac!'
...I Love Everything
about him!
As a matter of fact,
I'd Love to go
to Transylvania
and
'Have Him 'Do The Honors!'"
"Sir, Do you have a
'New York Minute?'
I want to know if
you prefer the Teeth of
Dracula or Draculea?"
"Well, I'm a Man
of Sophisticated Taste
and
last year
I met a woman with
'Moving Teeth!"
Needless to say,
I was blown away!
But, I was shocked when
she told me that
she worked at a competing
Bank across the street!
Anyway... I can't get enough of her!
...Draculea...all the way!"
"I know Dracula
and he
has a thing for
Draculea!"
"Me...
Why...
...I Love
Him!...He
always
'Brings It Proper!'"
Hey,
Lady Interviewer!
I 'm asking you...
which teeth
do you like the best?"
I'll be straight with you!...
That's
for Me to know and
You to find out!"
"And with that,
Ladies and Gentlemen...
'We're Out!'"
...
Hello, World!
We are back with
another Episode for You!...
On the Opposite Coast this Time...
...and...
...We ask the public
This one question...
Who has the better Teeth...
and the better...
...'Anti-frown!'...Draculea...or...Dracula?"
..."You Sir...Who do You like the Best...
...Dracula or Draculea?..."
"I'm Draculea...All the Way!...
I met
two Vampiresses
last Halloween and
I'm still getting
...blown Away!"
"Dracula is such
a Refined Gentleman!...
with the Cutest Cheeks...
and His Welcoming and
Debonair Manners
...I
Love Him!"
"Now...How do you
feel about That?"
"Draculea is my
Chosen
One!"
"I like Her too...especially when
She gets
To Fly!"
"Sir, let Me know what
You Think!...I'll keep up!..."
"Dracula!...
He has
all the Ladies
And I want to
be just like him!"
"Dracula!...
because he has
Mysterious powers!...
...Yes...
...He ha s my Vote!"
"Me?...I like the way that
Women are portrayed
with More Strength now...
even if there is
A Rumble
...or two!..."
"We're getting a lot of Input today...
...but...
this lady presents them with a Challenge!:"
"Hey!...I bet that
neither of them
can
Do This!"
"That is quite a Feat!...But there
is a Big Difference between
Bottle tops and
the sides and
the Napes
of the Neck!...
...Now, we have another location
Chiming In!..."
"I'm in the Midwest
and
A Couple taking an Evening Stroll
revealed their Opinions and
it's basically, He likes Her and
She likes Him...and I just wanted to
add that Interview Sampling!"
Well, People,
...here we have it...
the Results are far from Unanimous,
and it remains...
a 'Friendly Controversy!'...
...Until Next Time...
...May you have Many...
...Bites!"
"If You see a Real Dracula or Draculea...You know what to do...
...Right?"
If You don't want to be the 'Next Meal' of Something...
...Skedaddle on
out of there!
Getting a 'Whiff of Danger?...
...Then...Leave...very quickly!
That's what I would do!
But HSR, aka,
Doctor Hollywood Smiles Report,
sometimes
doesn't get 'The Whiff!...
He probably didn't get 'The Whiff'
in the blog post,
"The Costumes That...These Dentists ...Are Wearing ...Are...
...Unbelievable!...
and before that
in
...Breaks Loose!”...
and before that,
and before that,
in...
'Dracula...
STILL NEEDS TO MEET THE
EVER-INCREASING COSTS
OF HIS
TUITION PAYMENTS
FOR
USC
'Dracula...
...Or 'Draculea'…
...Who Has
...The Better Bite?"...
And right before that
in
"Hey Zombies!...Word Up!..
...Here Are Some Tips and
Tricks To Keep Your Smile...And Persona ...Good And...Ugly!"...
...Because...HSR
STILL NEEDS TO MEET THE
EVER-INCREASING COSTS
OF HIS
TUITION PAYMENTS
FOR
USC
AND...
HE'S NOT QUITE
CUT OUT
TO DRIVE FOR
UBER OR LYFT,
SO
TO GET THE 'DUCKETS'
FOR THE UPCOMING YEAR
HE
SEEKS OUT EMPLOYMENT
AT HIS
FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD
"FUNNY FARM!"...
WHICH IS
NOT TOO FAR
FROM HIM,
BUT HE WILL HAVE
IRREGULAR HOURS,
WHICH MEANS THAT
SOMETIMES HE HAS TO
...WORK NIGHTS!
OH NO!...
BUT,
THE FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS
FOR HIM
IS TO...SHOW UP
FOR HIS FIRST DAY!...
SO,
AFTER
ALL OF
THIS PREPARATION
AND STUFF,
HSR STARTS WALKING
TO THE SANITARIUM
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
BUSILY GOING THEIR WAYS...
BUT
HSR ALSO COMES ACROSS
PEOPLE THAT AREN'T
GOING ANYWHERE!...
THEN
HE PASSES A WOMAN THAT
IS KEEPING THE
STREETS CLEAN!...
NOW,
THIS LADY SAYS,
"YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT I NEED...
GOT A SEC?"
AND HSR REPLIES,
"HEY, MAYBE LATER, BUT
NOT NOW!
AND HE CONTINUES ON...
THEN LATER,
AS HE WALKS FURTHER,
YIKES!
A WOMAN IS
TRAPPED!...SO
HE FREES HER
AND SHE RUNS AWAY!...
"THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A 'BIG MESS!'"
HE SHRIEKS!
SO STILL ON HIS WAY,
"HI, SIR...DON'T WALK SO FAST..
LET ME
TAKE YOU
FOR SOME MONEY,
AND THEN YOU CAN GO!
HSR, SAYING NOTHING,
JUST KEEPS WALKING!
"HEY, HOLLYWOOD...'MEMBA ME
I SAT NEXT TO YOU
IN HIGH SCHOOL TRIG!"
"OH HI,
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW?" ASKS HSR...
"I'M TRAVELING THE WORLD...
AND I
GET PAID
TO WRITE ABOUT IT!"
SHE SAYS.
"WELL, I'M STARTING THIS JOB
AT THE MENTAL WARD
NEAR HERE," SAYS HSR...
"PLEASE,
LET ME WARN YOU
ABOUT ONE THING, 'WOOD...
DON'T LOSE YOUR ID BADGE...
OR THEY'LL KEEP YOU...
...I AIN'T
LYIN'!" SHE SAYS ...
"I'LL REMEMBER THAT!...YO,
I GOTTA GO...
BUT,
GOOD TO SEE YOU!...AND
...BYE!" SAYS HSR...
AND
HE KEEPS GOING ON HIS WAY...
"HEY, BIG BOY!...
"I NEED A LOAN REALLY BAD!...
"I DON'T HAVE TIME RIGHT NOW," SAYS HSR,
"BUT THANK YOU!"
AND
HE KEEPS GOING
BUT HE ALSO
SEES A WOMAN
WHO SEEMS TO HAVE
FALLEN ON SOME HARD TIMES!...
AND HSR SAYS TO HIMSELF,
"WELL, I'M JUST THANKFUL
FOR WHAT I HAVE!
AND I'MA COUNT
MY BLESSINGS! AND
I HOPE THAT
THIS JOB ISN'T DEALING WITH
PEOPLE THAT ARE REALLY
OUT OF IT, AND IN FAIRY-TALE
LAND, WHERE I HAVE TO
RUN ALL OVER THE PLACE TO CATCH 'UM!"
"SORRY, SIR, FOR ALMOST
BUMPING INTO YOU,"
THIS STREET GUY SAYS TO HSR...
...
SO HSR FINALLY GETS THERE,
BUT,
SOME WOMEN ARE ARGUING
OVER A GUY
WHO IS 'PROLLY' INSIDE OF THE PLACE,
AND HSR WALKS ON OVER
TO THE FRONT GATE
AND GIVES
THE GUARDS HIS NAME,
AND THEY LET HIM ENTER,
AND THEY TELL HIM,
"REPORT TO THE MAIN OFFICE...FIRST FLOOR!"
SO,
HE GOES
INSIDE THE BUILDING AND
WALKS DOWN A HALL WAY
AND HE SEES PEOPLE
MOVING ABOUT...
"HI, MISTER...
...YOU MUST BE
NEW HERE, RIGHT?"
SAYS A TEENAGE GIRL..
"YES, I AM" SMILES HSR...
"WELL, PEOPLE SMILE
WHEN THEY FIRST GET HERE...
...THEN THEY STOP!...
THAT'S HOW I COULD TELL
THAT YOU'RE NEW!"
SAYS THE GIRL...
"YOU'RE PRETTY PERCEPTIVE,
YOUNG LADY!" SAYS HSR...
"AND, SIR, THE OFFICE
IS THE OTHER WAY, " SAYS THE GIRL...
"WELL, THANKS!" SAYS HSR AS HE STARTS
IN THE CORRECT DIRECTION...
BUT
ON HIS WAY,
HE HEARS SOME GUY
TELLING A LADY
TO TAKE HER MEDICINES,
BUT,
SHE DOESN'T
WANT TO!
SO,
HSR FINALLY WALKS INTO
THE MAIN OFFICE AND
SITS DOWN
AND THE SECRETARY
ASKS HSR,
"ARE YOU A NEW PATIENT,
OR A NEW HIRE?"
OR A NEW HIRE?"
"A NEW HIRE!" SAYS HSR.
AND THE SECRETARY LAUGHS, "SOMETIMES,
IT'S HARD TO TELL
THE DIFFERENCE!"
"IN THAT CASE," SAYS HSR,
"I'M NOT GONNA LOSE MY BADGE!"
"RIGHT, MR. REPORT, BECAUSE,
YOU MIGHT JUST GET
AN EXTENDED STAY! HA HA, HA!"
THE SECRETARY CRAZILY
LAUGHS!
"WELL, EVERYTHING'S IN ORDER, SO,
JUST GO DOWN TWO DOORS
TO THE STAFF LOUNGE
FOR A WHILE!" SHE FINISHES...
AND HSR PASSES ONE ROOM
BUT, WHEN HSR GETS TO THE LOUNGE,
A LADY THERE SAYS,
"HI THERE!...
YOU MUST BE THE NEW GUY!...
...I'M DR. AMY!
AND I CAN TELL
IF A PERSON
IS CRAZY OR NOT
JUST BY
LOOKING AT THEM!"
"OKAY...WELL,
DR. AMY,
PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT ME
TOO HARD,
BECAUSE
I MIGHT BE THINKING
THAT YOU'RE
THINKING SOMETHING!" SAYS HSR.
"OKAY, I WON'T LOOK
TOO HARD AT YOU,
BUT
I WILL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU,
BECAUSE YOU'RE CUTE!...
AND I HEAR THAT
YOU'RE IN DENTAL SCHOOL...WHERE?" SHE ASKS...
"AT 'U.S.C.'" GRINS HSR.
"DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?" SHE ASKS...
"I KNOW A LOT OF GIRLS!" SAYS HSR BACK...
THEN SHE
LONGINGLY LOOKS HSR
UP AND DOWN...
"CAN YOU TELL SOMETHING ABOUT ME
BY LOOKING
AT MY BODY LANGUAGE, NOW?
"I CAN TELL THAT...
...YOU LIKE TO
LAY ON YOUR BACK!" JOKES HSR!...
"OMG!
YOU SURPRISE ME, YOUNG MAN!"
"MR. HOLLYWOOD, SIR,"
SAYS THIS DEEP-VOICED GUY
WHO JUST NOW WALKS IN,
"WE NEED YOU
TO HELP
TAKE A PATIENT
TO A ROOM!"
SO,
HSR GETS UP AND SAYS,
"SEE YOU LATER, DR. AMY!"...
THEN
HE LEAVES
WITH THE OTHER GUY.
AND DR. AMY
WATCHS HSR
GO!
SO,
AS THEY WALK
TO THE PLACE
WHERE THEY NEED TO GO,
HE PASSES BY
ONE LADY
"PLEASE, COME BACK
AND SEE ME LATER,
HANDSOME TIGER!" SHE SAYS...
THEN
THEY FINALLY REACH TO THE
WOMAN NEEDING ASSISTANCE,
AND PICK HER
UP
AND TAKE HER
TO HER ROOM!
...WITH SOME DIFFICULTY!...
AND,
AS THEY LEAVE HER
BEHIND A LOCKED DOOR,
HSR PASSES BY ONE OTHER PATIENT
THAT'S SO SATISFIED TO
BE THERE!
THEN, HE PASSES BY
ANOTHER PATIENT IN THE HALLWAY
WHO IS JUST
ENTERTAINING HISSELF!
AND THEN
HSR GOES AROUND A CORNER,
AND HE DOESN'T KNOW IT,
BUT ANOTHER GIRL,
A SNEAKY ONE...
WAITS
FOR THE RIGHT TIME AND
PILFERS
HIS BADGE AND WALLET!
OH NO!
AND
ABOUT AN HOUR LATER,
AS HSR
MAKES HIS ROUNDS,
A GUARD STOPS HIM AND ASKS
FOR HIS ID
AND HSR
SEARCHES HIS POCKETS...
...BUT IT'S GONE!
AND THE GUARD SAYS,
"WELL, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME...
...RIGHT NOW!"
AND HSR SAYS, "BUT I WORK HERE!"
AND THE GUARD SAYS, "AND SO DO I!"
SO,
HSR PUTS UP SOME RESISTANCE
THEN, THE GUARD
HAULS HSR OFF, AND SAYS
"YOU'RE GOING TO THE LOBOTOMY
CLINIC!"
"OH NO! SAYS HSR...
"SOMEBODY SWIPED MY STINKIN' BADGE!"
...
SO NOW,
HSR'S
STRAPPED
IN A GURNEY
AND IS GIVEN A SHOT
TO BE
'OUT OF IT'
AND,
THE LADY ATTENDANT
TALKS TO A FRIEND
ON HER PHONE
AND SAYS,
I GOT A CUTE ONE HERE, GIRLFRIEND...
I COULD
EVEN GO CRAZY FOR HIM!"...
BUT...
...THINGS ARE NOT A JOKE!...
BECAUSE...
NOT ONLY IS HSR
BEING RUSHED
OUT OF TOWN...
...HE'S...
...IN A 'MENTAL
SO,
HE IS
BROUGHT TO
THIS PLACE
WHICH LOOKS LIKE THERE
JUST MIGHT BE
'NO ESCAPING!'...
...ESPECIALLY WITH
SO,
HSR FINALLY
'COMES TO'
AND HE KEEPS TELLING THEM,
"I'M NOT A PATIENT, I WORK THERE!"
AND THE OTHER GUYS SAY,
"SURE YOU DO!"
...AS THEY
DRAG HIM DOWN
ONE HALLWAY
THEN ANOTHER
ONE...
AND THEY
GO PAST TWO WOMEN IN
A ROOM...
THEN
THEY GET TO
THIS ROOM,
WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO
HAVE THIS
OCCUPANT IN
SO THE GUARDS
THROW HSR
IN AND
SLAM THE DOOR
SHUT!
AND AFTER SOME MINUTES,
THE WOMAN ASKS HSR,
"WHAT THEY GET YOU FOR?"
AND HSR RESPONDS,
..."I WAS WORKING AT
THE OTHER SANITARIUM
AND
SOMEBODY
STOLE MY BADGE!...SO
THAT'S HOW I'M HERE...
NO ONE BELIEVES ME!"
"I BELIEVE YOU!"
SHE SMILES!
AND THEY TALK MORE,
AND THEY EVEN START TO
MOVE CLOSER TO EACH OTHER!
"I HAVE AN IDEA ON HOW
WE CAN GET FREE
FROM THIS PLACE,"
SHE CONFIDES...
"LET'S DOI IT!" HSR SMILES.
SO,
SHE GETS BEHIND HIM
AND SHE USES
HER TEETH TO
UNBUCKLE HIS STRAPS!...
AND HE
DOES THE SAME
FOR HER!...
NOW,
THEY ARE
BOTH FREE!...
BUT WHAT'S THIS?...
THEY HEAR A GUARD
COMING DOWN THE HALL
SO THEY PUT
THEIR JACKETS BACK
OVER THEM,
AND THE GUARD THINKS
EVERYTHING'S FINE!...
OKAY...
SO THEY WAIT
FOR TWO MORE HOURS
AND DURING
THAT TIME,
THE WOMAN NUDGES UP TO HSR AND SAYS
"I'M GLAD THAT
YOU
CAME MY WAY...
AND I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
JUST HOW MUCH
RIGHT NOW!"
AND AFTER THEY
'PLAY CRAZY' A LITTLE...
SEVERAL TIMES...
THEY DECIDE TO LEAVE
AND THEY
GO OUT OF THE DOOR
AND
GO DOWN THIS
HALL
AND THEY FINALLY
GET OUTSIDE
AND THEY MAKE IT A LONG WAY AWAY
AND PASS BY AN OLD
AND NOW
THEY FINALLY REACH A TOWN!
"I WONDER WHAT THEY CALL THIS CITY?"
ASKS HSR...
AND THEY WALK AROUND
SOME MORE...
"HI THERE, YOU TWO,"
SAYS
THIS LADY!...
COLD AND HUNGRY...MY
PLACE IS RIGHT
ACROSS THE STREET...
COME ON IN...
...YOU'RE WELCOME...
BECAUSE...
THERE ARE A
LOT OF
CRAZY PEOPLE
OUT HERE, OKAY!"
AND THEY RESPOND,
"THANKS FOR THE
HOSPITALITY, MISS!"
...
SO THEY GO
TO HER APARTMENT BUILDING
ACROSS AND CLIMB THE
STAIRS, AND
GO DOWN A
HALLWAY,
AND AS THEY
PASS SOME OPEN DOORS
THEY SEE...
...OMGOSH!...I DON'T KNOW!
NOW THE GIRL THAT WAS WITH
HSR AT THE SANITARIUM
TAKES OFF RUNNING
OUT OF THE BUILDING,
LEAVING JUST
HIM AND THE WOMAN!...
SO,
AS THEY REACH HER
APARTMENT FRONT DOOR
IT...
IS OPENED!....
WITH
A
HAND!
"THANKS FOR OPENING THE DOOR,
MISTER FINGERS!"
SAYS THE LADY,
THEN,
SHE TURNS TO HSR WHEN
THEY ARE IN
THE APARTMENT
AND SHE SAYS,
"I'M CHANGING INTO SOMETHING
MORE COMFORTABLE!...
...BE RIGHT BACK!"
AND WHEN SHE
RETURNS SHE ASKS,
YOU ARE THE FIRST GUEST THAT
I HAVE HAD HERE
IN A VERY LONG TIME!
AND USING A VERY HYPNOTIC STARE
SHE SAYS,
"YOU WANT TO STAY HERE A WHILE, RIGHT?"
AND HSR,
UNDER 'DEEP HYPNOSIS,'
PAUSES
AND SAYS,
"YES, MAM...I DO!"
"GREAT," SHE
RESPONDS!...
"NOW YOUNG MAN...LET'S GET STARTED!...
...LET US DRINK OUR
'ELIXIR OF
POWER!'"
THEN,
THEY BOTH PICK UP THE
GOBLETS AND
GULP ALL OF THE
'POTION' AND,
THE WOMAN SAYS,
"COME CLOSER TO ME, NOW...
FOR 'CELESTIAL SUPPPORT!'...
...FOR WE
WILL NEED IT AS OUR PERCEPTIONS
BECOME
MORE CLEAR!"
AND NOW...
...WITH THEIR
'POWER COAGULATING,'
HSR VISIONS
TRAVELING THROUGH THE COSMOS,
AND
'FEELING' HIS WAY AROUND,
AND THEN,
OF COURSE,
DENTAL
TEETH COME TO MIND!
AFTER THAT,
A 'PEACEFULNESS'
MAKES ITSELF PRESENT!
THAT IS...
UNTIL THEY BOTH
ENCOUNTER...
NOW...
THIS CREATURE...
COMMANDS HSR'S ATTENTION, "LOOK
ME IN THE EYE!" IT SAYS...
SO HE LOOKS IT
IN THE EYE...
"SIR,
I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A HOME,
AND YOU'RE
AT USC DENTAL SCHOOL
AND YOU WORK AT A SANITARIUM...
...WHICH OF THOSE PLACES
WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GO TO?"
"I WANNA
GO HOME!" HE CRIES
"IF YOU WANT THAT
OR ANYTHING ELSE...
YOU MUST
GO PAST THAT
DOOR!...
AND IT'S NOT CLEAR WHAT
HE DID
TO
GET TO THE DOOR,..
...BUT...IT MAY
OR MAY NOT
HAVE HAD SOMETHING
TO DO WITH
THIS!
...NOW, WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR...
IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ENEMIES WITH!
...YOU DON'T SAY!
...
...THEN...
...HEY!...
...
IT LOOKS LIKE...
...THE ADVENTURE IS...
REBOOTING...ITS CODING...
ONE MOMENT,
...PLEASE...
NOW,
HSR SEEMS TO
BEE GOING THROUGH
SOMETHING LIKE
THIS!...
"I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU HAVE COME
TO OUR PLACE!"
AND HSR RESPONDS,
"I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M HERE EITHER!"
THEN
HE LOOKS
TO THE SIDE AND SEES
AN ADULT HAVING FUN...
THEN HE SEES
SOMETHING
ON THE
UPPER FLOOR IN FRONT...
"SIR, YOU ARE TO GO
PAST THE
DOORS!
SO
HE GOES
PAST THE DOORS
AND
INTO A ROOM
WHERE
A LADY IS LEAD OUT
FROM ANOTHER ROOM,
AND SHE IS
HELPED PAST
HIM...
NEXT,
HE IS TOLD TO GO
INTO THE ROOM
WHICH LOOKS LIKE A COURT
BUT,
IT'S A
KANGAROO COURT!
NOW, HSR THINKS,
"OMGOSH!"
NOW,
THE JUDGE ASKS HIM,
HOW DO YOU
PLEAD, SIR?"
"HOW DO I PLEAD?...I DON'T EVEN
KNOW THE CHARGES!...AND DO I EVEN
HAVE A LAWYER?"
"PROSECUTOR, WHAT DO YOU
SAY?"
"THE EVIDENCE IS CRYSTAL CLEAR,
YOUR HONOR,
AND THE JURY!...HE IS...
GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILT!"
..."GUILTY OF
...WHAT?"
"PLEASE GIVE US YOUR
TESTIMONY, DOCTOR!"
"I FEEL THAT THIS PATIENT
HAS MASSIVE
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
WITH PARANOIA ON THE SIDE!"
"AND YOU, DOCTOR EXHIBIT B, WHAT IS...
YOUR DIAGNOSIS?"
"YOUR HONOR, THIS IS A REAL DOOZY OF A CASE!
...ABNORMAL PSYCHOSIS,
BILATERAL CEREBRAL ASTIGMATISM,
AND I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE
C-S YET...
...AND HE PERSISTENTLY
HEARS
STRANGE VOICES IN HIS HEAD!...AND...
IT SEEMS THAT
EVERY CELL IN HIS BODY HAS
AND THE
‘DEVIANT POSTURES OF HIS CONSCIOUSNESS’
HAVE
TO SUM IT UP, HE’S
MEDICALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY
‘CRA-CRA!’...
...AND FOR THE
TOTAL HEALTH AND SAFETY
OF OUR COMMUNITIES,
WE SHOULD THINK ABOUT
PUTTING HIM IN A
MEDICALLY-INDUCED
COMA!"
"MISS COURT REPORTER, YOU'RE GETTING
ALL OF THIS DOWN?"
"YES, YOUR HONOR,
"AND MAKE SURE YOU DOCUMENT THAT
HE IS
GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!"
"BUT, YOUR HONOR, I BEG YOU, I HAVE NEVER
SEEN ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!"
"ONE MORE OUTBURST
LIKE THAT FROM YOU, YOUNG MAN,
AND I'LL HOLD YOU
IN CONTEMPT!"
"AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I NOW SENTENCE YOU
TO
THE PAD!"
YOUNG MAN, YOUR CASE BEFORE THIS COURT
IS NOW OVER!
AND
IF YOU ARE NOT COMPLIANT
WHILE YOU ARE HERE,
WE WILL BE ‘SWINGING
THE HAMMER!’…
...UNDERSTOOD?”
... “THIS THOROUGHLY-INSANE KANGAROO COURT IS
THE WORST EVER!”
SO,
THEY HAUL HIM OUT OF THE
COURTROOM
JUST LIKE THEY DID
THE
OTHER LADY...
THEN THEY DRAG HSR
DOWN THIS HALL AND
HE IS THROWN INTO THIS ROOM...
NOW,
HSR ASSURES HIMSELF,
"I REALLY MUST GET OUT
OF HERE!
...I REALLY WILL
GO CRAZY,
OR
MY MIND WILL
MUSH!"
BUT WAIT!...
SUDDENLY,
A WOMAN THAT HE
MET EARLIER
COMES BACK TO HIM...
"I HAVE COME TO
GET YOU OUT
AND
RESET THE PARAMETERS
OF YOUR ADVENTURES!"
May you have many...
...Smiles!
"I Pick Up and Drop Off...
...at Midnight!...Would you...
...Like to Come Along?"
"I've
'done'
Tens of Thousands of You
so...
...one more Ain't Nothin'!"
"Great!...They don't know...
what's hitting Them!"
The Smaller
'Round Bodies' are
multiplying faster than
the Larger Body can take!
"I'm going to
Act Like I belong here,
and
'get by ' those Hygienists!"
"This
'Scorthched Gingival Sulcus'
is
...Beyond Repair!"
The Winge Institute For The Oral Sciences
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